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Thread: Project Dating!

  1. #161
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
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    112
    I can see the harmful / not so great for us element in other scenarios but, being honest, I'm struggling to see it here.

    To use your analogy, is it harmful for someone to stuff their face with chocolate truffles between meals? Clearly yes, if they're trying to keep their weight down.

    Is it harmful for me to pursue women on Tinder who I know I'd never have any romantic interest in purely for the purpose of sex / cheap thrills? Probably, yes, it'd take my focus away from my main aim, which is to find a long term partner. Hence why I'm not doing that.

    But if me and Ola, on our 4th meet, are kissing on the sofa tomorrow night (which probably will happen, as she's coming round, we've got a film to watch) and she says to me 'come on, let's go upstairs, I'm dying for you to f**k me', why would it be harmful for me to go along with that?
    We like each other, we both want it - if I said to Ola 'no thanks, I'd rather refrain from sex for now', how would this benefit either of us?

  2. #162
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    50,785
    Originally Posted by Ian4996
    I can see the harmful / not so great for us element in other scenarios but, being honest, I'm struggling to see it here.

    To use your analogy, is it harmful for someone to stuff their face with chocolate truffles between meals? Clearly yes, if they're trying to keep their weight down.

    Is it harmful for me to pursue women on Tinder who I know I'd never have any romantic interest in purely for the purpose of sex / cheap thrills? Probably, yes, it'd take my focus away from my main aim, which is to find a long term partner. Hence why I'm not doing that.

    But if me and Ola, on our 4th meet, are kissing on the sofa tomorrow night (which probably will happen, as she's coming round, we've got a film to watch) and she says to me 'come on, let's go upstairs, I'm dying for you to f**k me', why would it be harmful for me to go along with that?
    We like each other, we both want it - if I said to Ola 'no thanks, I'd rather refrain from sex for now', how would this benefit either of us?
    No not my point at all. I just don't really get your distinction about not responding to profiles looking for casual sex but being open to casual sex should someone you meet through a dating site want to have sex and you do too. You are comfortable with casual sex -to me the fact that you'd pass over a profile that only wanted a casual fling makes little difference since at the end of the day you are a person who will have casual sex if the opportunity arises so to speak.

    It's not harmful at all to have casual sex since you are a person who is comfortable having casual sex. Just the same as a person who would respond to a profile looking only for casual sex- I take it that you think that somehow your interest in casual sex is more limited since you also are looking for a serious relationship and therefore you limit your pursuit of casual sex to those women who also claim to want a serious relationship in their profiles. The truffle analogy to me meant that whether I went out and bought truffles vs. accepting the sample that was offered -end result was I still ate a truffle in a situation where I'm trying my best to avoid sweet treats between meals. I would not have told myself "well it's not like I went to the store to buy truffles -they were offered" On the other hand if my goal was "I'm not going to eat sweets between meals unless I'm at a store where they're offering free samples of sweets" I'd be acting true to myself. Just like you are explaining "I won't date someone who from the beginning says she only wants casual sex but if a woman offers sex before we are exclusive I'll take it."

    For my life I found huge benefits in not giving in to a desire for casual sex. First, my emotional health would have suffered had I given into that desire when I had it (and I had almost no interest in casual sex after my 20s or so). I would have risked STDs and pregnancy. And I would not have been acting true to my values or showing the man in question that I act consistently with my values.

    Your standard for choosing intercourse is "we like each other, we both want it". In that case sure saying no would be silly.

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