Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 9 of 9

Thread: Will he ever change and actually love me?

  1. #1

    Will he ever change and actually love me?

    So me and my ex got together two years ago. He got out of a 8year long relationship months before he met me so I always felt like the rebound. Things moved fast and I got pregnant., like 4 months after dating him. We, like many couples tried making it work cause we wanted to keep our family together. Well, I found naked pictures of his ex on his laptop and he swore he had no idea they were there. After finding them I tried forgiving him. It was a process but I managed. Things got stressful preparing for a baby and so we would argue more often and heíd call me a , , stupid, crazy, the worst gf. You guys get the point. He would truly make me believe that it was my fault and every time Iíd open up and express myself or even try to communicate what was bothering me he would tell me he hates the way I think, he canít stand me, and tell me Iím doing my bull ďscriptĒ. He would chew behind my back and then lie to me about it or hide it from me and if I asked about it then he would start yelling at me and say it was because I stressed him out so much. I was never validated or understood. Well I finally stopped begging him to stay with me after every fight and moved out of his house in May with my little girl. Weíve been co parenting for a couple months now and itís so hard to move on. Anyways Shortly after moving out of his house I found out I was pregnant again (failed birth control) and I told him. He is now begging for me back and is saying he is miserable without me and he only wants me and he is asking if we can make it work and maybe love each other the right way and he is saying maybe one day we can get to the point of being able to stand each other? I feel like thatís an insult. Can he actually change? I donít understand why he wants to try to make it work now and itís hard to trust his motives. Any advice?? Thank you in advance for reading my post.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,116
    This sounds horrible. It is terribly toxic and unhealthy for both young your kids! This is what happens when you start a family without knowing one another. You are not compatible!

    You need to find a way of co parenting. This does not work.

    What type of birth control were you using both times?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,116
    Also, you should NEVER be with someone in hopes they will change. This is who he is, and who he will continue to be. I suggest you reread the tittle of your thread, over and over.

    Does he pay support?

  4. #4
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    52
    Posts
    36,697
    Gender
    Female
    If he hasnít changed in 8 years why would he? People donít change without A LOT of introspection and therapy. That hasnít happened in a few months.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    13,645
    Gender
    Female
    I donít understand why he wants to try to make it work now
    Because he thinks it will be easier on him to not have to pay you support for TWO children.

    He is paying you support for baby No.1 now, right?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    1,070
    Let's see . . . If my ex had naked pictures of his ex on his laptop, called me stupid, crazy, the worst gf, told me he hates the way I THINK, can't stand me, told me I'm doing my bull "script," chew behind my back, lie to me, demonstrate deceitful behavior by hiding it from me if I asked about it, yelled at me and after all that implored me to get back into my good graces? No way. It's over.

    There were too many deal breakers.

    I'd walk.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    4,400
    Doesnít sound like heís convinced you everything was your fault, just being honest, you described this toxicity as almost entirely his fault. Youíre not compatible, pregnant women are moody, lots of hormone and body changes, during a time you two should have been getting to know one another you were dealing with the stress of bringing a new life into the world on top of raging hormones and him rebounding, a fact you knew.... let me repeat, you knew he was rebounding and got pregnant....then to add drama on top of drama you get knocked up again, heís far from innocent but you arenít either. Time to grow up since you canít seem to stop making tiny humans. You are about to be responsible for two lives , you two either need to get into counseling and figure out how to make it work or figure out how to coparent, but the drama needs to stop....

  9. #8
    Platinum Member indea08's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Age
    29
    Posts
    1,589
    Gender
    Female
    I agree with FigureItOut. You are also partially to blame here and I donít see you owning up for your mistakes at all.

    If your ex was freshly out of an 8 year relationship, itís understandable that he still had photos of his ex. I had an old lap top that I didnít use very often, I cleaned it out to give it to a friend and it still had photos on it from a decade ago. Itís not like someone goes through a break up and automatically deletes all of their memorabilia right away. It probably wasnít even a thought in his mind. Iím not sure why you felt you had the right to go digging through his files though??

    The rest of it, well, is your perception and Iím sorry you felt like you couldnít openly express yourself. I know that is frustrating and makes it difficult to truly be compassionate for the other person. I would not be surprised if he felt similarly.

    Since you have two children together (that is also 50% your fault, be more responsible! Children deserve a happy and stable home), I would say go to family counseling together withOUT resuming a relationship. See how that goes first. If you guys can learn and implement some empathy and communication tools, then you can see if a relationship might work.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    34,265
    Gender
    Male
    Make sure co-parenting is structured by the courts. This means child support on a regular scheduled basis in consistent amounts. It also means court ordered visitation/custody schedules. Never allow a child to suffer from chaos and confusion due to parental ad hoc co-parenting or ongoing interpersonal conflict.

    You don't get along. Don't bother going back. He's saying this because he doesn't want to pay child support not because he loves or respects you. If he did he would not have treated you like trash in the first place. Next time, do not rush in like this or get pregnant or move into someone's house right away.
    Originally Posted by Smileyriley2
    I finally moved out of his house in May with my little girl. Weíve been co parenting for a couple months now


Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •