Elder Sister and Parents

[misshaa123]

Hello!


Long story short, my sister and I dont talk at all. Quite a dirty blame game happened! We made everyone clear that its just a status quo and we both sister and our families are very different and we cant be on same page.

My older sister is basically a bully towards me in my childhood. We both are in our 30s and have kids, BUT

everytime i talk to my mother or brother, the conversation starts as “ hello how are u and kids, thenu know we talked to *my sis name* and shes doing this or that, her kids are doing this or that , its all about what she and her family is upto.

I don’t understand why my brother and mother is doing like this as they know well we dont talk to her clearly.

Im just way upset!

Any suggestions on that stop the anxiety in me of why?

[Wiseman2]

Get an appt with a therapist to explore your family dynamics. It's time to let go of jealousy and sibling rivalry.

everytime i talk to my mother or brother, the conversation starts as “ hello how are u and kids, thenu know we talked to *my sis name* and shes doing this or that, her kids are doing this or that , its all about what she and her family is upto.

[Hollyj]

Tell them not to bring her up.

[misshaa123]

If i let go, which we tried but my sister and her family wouldn’t! There always a comparison!

[Hollyj]

Tell them not to bring her up.

[~Seraphim ~]

Every time they bring up your sister change the subject .

[Cherylyn]

I hear something similar from my mother and brother regarding my sister, her family life as well as my sister blasting minutiae on FB 24 / 7.

You can't control other people. You're going to have to learn how to ignore and cease obsessing over your sister whether your relatives talk about her to you or if she's your FB friend.

You can't duct tape your mother and brother's mouths.

Don't let them affect you. Remain peaceful, civil, polite yet frosty and distant. This is what I do. Keep the peace. Concentrate and focus on raising your own family. Set a fine example to your children by being a great mother. Always show class.

Be above it, take the higher road and conduct yourself with integrity. Then you will feel secure within your own skin and know how to be tough and strong. It caused me anxiety in the past, too, however, once I switched to my new mindset, I feel calm and don't get so easily agitated anymore.

I agree with others, change the subject. Also, limit your conversations with your brother and mother. Cut it short, make it brief and then say, "Ok, I gotta go! Have a nice day!" This is what I do. I don't hang around. I'm very busy with my own family life as should you! Don't obsess over this and don't give them the time of day. Get super busy with your own life and carve out your own happiness. Limit contact and enforce healthy boundaries.

[misshaa123]

I hear something similar from my mother and brother regarding my sister, her family life as well as my sister blasting minutiae on FB 24 / 7.

You can't control other people. You're going to have to learn how to ignore and cease obsessing over your sister whether your relatives talk about her to you or if she's your FB friend.

You can't duct tape your mother and brother's mouths.

Don't let them affect you. Remain peaceful, civil, polite yet frosty and distant. This is what I do. Keep the peace. Concentrate and focus on raising your own family. Set a fine example to your children by being a great mother. Always show class.

Be above it, take the higher road and conduct yourself with integrity. Then you will feel secure within your own skin and know how to be tough and strong. It caused me anxiety in the past, too, however, once I switched to my new mindset, I feel calm and don't get so easily agitated anymore.

I agree with others, change the subject. Also, limit your conversations with your brother and mother. Cut it short, make it brief and then say, "Ok, I gotta go! Have a nice day!" This is what I do. I don't hang around. I'm very busy with my own family life as should you! Don't obsess over this and don't give them the time of day. Get super busy with your own life and carve out your own happiness. Limit contact and enforce healthy boundaries.

Thank you so much as i cant express much how relieve i feel from you message! I need to change my mindset!

God bless you :)

[Camber 2019]

I completely agree with Cherylyn...

I have the same situation. For my entire childhood all I ever heard from my mother and father was that my father's mother did that to him. So what do my parents do now that I'm an adult? They do it to me. I live away, sisters live close by, and whenever I call all I hear are stories about my sisters and their kids, and even their friends... right in the middle of a story about my child! No interest whatsoever in asking about my life, or my families life, or coming to visit...

DO NOT try to discuss this with them, all you will get is gas-lighting and unsolicited poison pen letters, texts, and phone calls telling you what a trouble maker you are.

Either ignore it, or ignore them!

[reinventmyself]

I had a similar situation in my family. While growing up my older brother was an angry young man and took a lot of that anger out on me. When I became a young adult and a voice of my own, after an escalated incident, I put a stop to it and ended our relationship.

My mother would say the same things. Both my brother and I had moved out on our own and every Monday when I had dinner alone with my parents, my mother would go on and on about funny brother stories and at one point told me she wished I would make up with him.

I was helping her by cutting carrots and in that moment, I turned to her and asked her `when my brother come overs, does she share cute sister stories with him and tell him how he should make amends with me?' She stared at me blankly. `Apparently not', I responded. I put the knife down and walked out. She didn't bring it up again. But her intentions were good.

Ask them the same thing. See what answer you get.
I figured I was the more reasonable, approachable one , therefore she thought she could wear me down.