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Thread: Emotionally Unavailable Woman Seeks Help and Comes Back?

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    Emotionally Unavailable Woman Seeks Help and Comes Back?

    Has anyone ever had a partner who was emotionally unavailable and sought help (therapy) and successfully came back into a relationship that lasted? My partner of over 4 years broke up with me and to help understand and try to heal, I evaluated our relationship and discovered she had many of the traits of being emotionally unavailable. I'm just wondering if there are are success stories out there or is this just something too difficult to overcome.

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    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    First of all, breakups are bad news. Many really good couples don't have breakups.

    If the therapy goes well (some things can be cured...... but some things people just have to learn to deal with), and you two are not broken up long enough for the love to die, then yes, it's possible to get back together.

    But I can't give an accurate prediction because I don't know what her underlying issues are/stem from, and I don't know how long the separation will last. How long you will be apart just has to play out in real life.

    Also, her depression could just be an excuse. The real reason for the breakup might be that she has fallen out of love with you. I would have to hear the whole relationship story to give you anymore than that.

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    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    A person who was into you would seek therapy while still in the relationship and ask for your patience while she made improvements.

  4. 08-04-2019, 11:35 AM

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    Why did you break up? What happened in the relationship? Is she seeking therapy, now? Did she say she wanted a reconciliation?

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry this happened. What was the breakup about? How long ago was it? Stay no contact so you can clear your head and reflect. All you can do is seek some short term therapy for yourself and try to sort through things. People generally do not change. The reasons for the breakup will still be there. It sounds like you were incompatible and this manifested as 'emotional unavailability'.

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    Did she tell you she is seeking therapy because she believes she is emotionally unavailable and wants to correct this so she can reconcile with you?

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    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    You evaluated your relationship? What about her? Does she think that she is emotionally unavailable? If not, there is nothing to be done about it.

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    Thanks for all of your responses. After a month apart, we got together to talk about our breakup. It was at this time that I shared with her all of my thoughts on her being emotionally unavailable and what traits she has that pointed me to this conclusion. She agreed with all the points I presented. We left it at if she is willing to go to therapy I would support her. As of now, nothing has happened and we are in NC. My question to the forum is for any experiences where the person acknowledged their issues of emotional unavailability, unable to attach etc. and sought help.

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    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by onground1
    Thanks for all of your responses. After a month apart, we got together to talk about our breakup. It was at this time that I shared with her all of my thoughts on her being emotionally unavailable and what traits she has that pointed me to this conclusion. She agreed with all the points I presented. We left it at if she is willing to go to therapy I would support her. As of now, nothing has happened and we are in NC. My question to the forum is for any experiences where the person acknowledged their issues of emotional unavailability, unable to attach etc. and sought help.
    My boyfriend recently ended our relationship so that he could focus on his intimacy avoidance, stating that he otherwise would continue to sabotage us whenever we were succeeding.

    Jury's out; we are broken up and he is doing whatever it is he thinks necessary.

    We didn't have something if they would have ruined it anyway.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It sounds like she simply agreed because she wants to move on. Sorry. She doesn't need your characterizations or support for therapy. Stop trying to fix or change her. Get to therapy for yourself and try to sort out why you are chasing her trying to fix and change her and insinuate that she is sick.

    Have you considered that your 'diagnosing' her as defective, emotionally unavailable, etc and implying she needs therapy is reason enough for her to end things?
    Originally Posted by onground1
    I shared with her all of my thoughts on her being emotionally unavailable and what traits she has that pointed me to this conclusion. She agreed with all the points I presented. We left it at if she is willing to go to therapy I would support her.

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