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Thread: I'm too stupid to push emotionally abusive ex away for good?

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by Gary Snyder
    You have to put your foot down and cut contact. You have to be disciplined.

    Get busy with your life and date a new guy even if you don't want to - it's good therapy.
    No. You should not be using another guy to get over this one. You should address why you choose him, and continued to stay in contact. You need to be single for at least a year. Deal with your issues, first!

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by rchubn
    EDIT: I also keep thinking "what if he needs me" like what if he actually needs support in his life and then I start feeling guilty for ignoring someone in need.
    I suggest you also look into co dependency. [Register to see the link]

    He has treated you lie sh*t, dumped and blocked you when in need, and uses you when he needs support, yet you are concerned about him needing you. That really makes a lot of sense. Not!

    Help yourself, OP!

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by rchubn
    He had blocked me orginally but unblocked me a few weeks before he decided to hit me up for support.

    We had another go around of him using me to make himself feel better but I made it clearly I was unhappy with it and our last words weren't pleasant, I assumed he wouldn't bother talking to me again after that.

    My pride is stopping me from blocking him now. I don't want to give off the impression that I'm still pining over him because I'm not. He's not a good person and I've mentally reached that conclusion but I'm still healing from the mind games.

    I feel like I came off as weak letting him walk all over me like that and he sees me as weak so he checks in to see if I'm still pining. I left him on read but I'm scared if I block right now I'll appear weaker and give him some kind of answer about me being bothered by the breakup still.

    If that makes sense
    If you blocked him, he would not know. It would also show that you are finally showing yourself some respect. By responding to this creep, you do show that you are "still pining over him." This has nothing to do with "pride." Be honest with yourself.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    I echo what Jib said about dropping "stupid" being a first step. Try replacing that word with something more accurate—I'd suggest "human"—and step forward from there.

    I remember in your last thread, about your mother, you said you weren't interested in therapy because you don't believe in it. I'd really suggest rethinking that. In your posts about him, and about other things, you use a lot of language that comes from therapy: gaslighting, projection, emotional abuse, and so on. I'm not saying those diagnostic terms don't apply, but just that it's worth remembering where they come from—from experts who dedicate their lives to understanding this and helping people get through it.

    Without the experts we can end up using this terminology in an unhealthy manner—giving power to someone and a situation rather than taking that power back and finding it within, which I feel you're running the risk of doing in how you describe him and this situation. The reasoning behind not blocking, for instance: all that, as you said yourself, is basically pride and ego. Those things don't do anyone any favors, and those who are particularly driven by pride and ego might be wrestling with some undiagnosed issues of their own that a therapist can also help with.

    If your rationale for not blocking him is so you can "look strong" to him, for instance, you're still making your choices to please him rather than choices that empower yourself. Think about that for a moment. Whatever he thinks and feels right now should be meaningless compared to you giving yourself space to think clearly, to feel what you need to feel. Any steps toward that—blocking, therapy, yoga, whatever—are steps taken from a place of strength.

    That strength exists inside of you, right now. I think you just need a little professional help in finding it.
    This ^^^

    Op: Please heed Blue's advice. You will be glad you did.

    Take back your personal power from him. Block him and then do your best to forget he exists... Therapy will help you to worry about you and whats in your best interests while letting him go and getting on with your life without him in it.

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