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Thread: Struggling starting friendships/relationships and "getting out there"

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Aug 2019
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    Struggling starting friendships/relationships and "getting out there"

    Hi, This is my first post on this site and im just looking for a little bit of advice on relationships and friendships. Iím 19 and turning 20 shortly, I graduated highschool over 2 years ago now and have been stuck in a rut so deep im just spinning all 4 tires. Ive lost contact with most people from high school and have only seen a small part of my old friend group twice since graduating, and it wasnít because of some falling out itís just we never had anything in common and now Iíve basically secluded myself as I donít like much interactions. I also recently got netflix and can understand how it is seriously addicting! and is starting to become a bit of a problem haha. I live in a small town with not much to do without going to the next towns over. I have always found it hard connecting with people and just interactions in general. I have realized I subconsciously avoid contact when in public, like the self checkouts in stores were a great invention for people like me, to be able to walk into a store get what I need and leave without saying a word! Perfect. I would like to meet some more people and maybe make new friends but being male 19 I would also like to meet girls too but thats where it gets trickier. I work in the trades and have for a year and a half since I never went to college (people really like to point out how much im missing out by not going to school and the people and girls you meet). I donít regret not going to college but Iíll be honest those comments sometimes make me think how much I really could be missing out. With my job I sometimes work random and long hours which involves some weekends and nights, I also never know when Iíll be home or where im going so it makes hard and frustrating to make any plans to do anything. I know youíre probably thinking what kind of plans would I be making instead of trying to finish ďStranger ThingsĒ without falling asleep in the middle of an episode. But it can make it hard when planning to go away for the weekend with family.

    I do have issues making connections and contact with girls. I never get much interaction in my line of work since its like 99% male and 1% female to practice, so its up to me to do it the hard way! There were very few girls I was into while in school except for one, who one friend tried kinda setting us up but I struggled with what to do and how to act and it didnít workout (my fault) and I think that didnít help the old self esteem very much. Iíve realized how shy I can be around girls but also anyone I guess, but with just eye contact and making connections. I usually end up focusing on how to just get away before I make a fool of myself. Being the stereotypical male, I try to convince my self all is good but deep down I know its not and im not living the most healthy life mentally and im a bit lonely but just struggle with getting out and convincing my self I have too, They do call it the comfort zone for a reason! A lot of people would use social media to get in contact with old friends or people from high school, but I never had any social media accounts and dont really intend to so I would need for real world interactions. Any help/advice is appreciated thanks!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Even though you don't regret not going to college, would you ever consider going to college so you can reach the top of the pay scale someday? You'll find eligible bachelorettes there. There are weekend courses, too.

    Can you ask your co-workers if they know any single women they can introduce you to?

    Try joining groups, look into MeetUps in your area, get involved in your community, volunteer, do charitable good works, if you're religious, join a local church, partake in faith based activities or ministries, if you enjoy reading books, work on your intellect, go to the library, join hobby or sports type groups. You have to start somewhere. Women will not come to you. You need to put yourself out there in society and seek them.

    Exercise and take great care of your health which will help boost your self esteem and self confidence.

    Start practicing by talking to the public. They will not bite your head off. Have the cashier ring you up. A simple, "Hi! How are you?" greeting will not hurt you. Have good eye contact. If they tell you to have a nice day, say, "Thank you." With practice, you'll feel more comfortable engaging in brief conversations with others.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Get some hobbies and interests that extend past watching tv. Even if you're in a male dominated profession you can round yourself out a bit. Do you live at home? Well it's time to start looking for a place if you're working full time. That in itself will build your confidence and broaden your horizons.

    Get involved in stuff that woman also like to do. Take a class or course, cooking, dancing, whatever. Volunteer. Try animal shelters, hospitals etc. Get in shape, get to a gym update your looks, clothes, hair etc.

    Get a good profile and some good recent pics up on some dating apps. Start messaging women and meeting up for a low key coffee. If you like her set up a second date. Take things in stride. Just turn off the tv and get yourself out there.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
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    I was going to second college or taking classes at community college. Making friends takes a lot of time and effort and dating is like the gold star level of social interaction. Iíd expand where you meet people naturally - I highly recommend traveling if needed to another town in order to do backstage work at a community theatre. That kind of volunteer work is perfect for someone like you because it attracts a lot of handy people who often are also on the more reserved and shy side. Good luck !

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  6. #5
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    Even though you don't regret not going to college, would you ever consider going to college so you can reach the top of the pay scale someday? You'll find eligible bachelorettes there. There are weekend courses, too.
    - That's one of the best places to meet women at your age. That's great advice.

    Also, get a sales job - you'll be forced to learn to be sociable and get payed for it.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member LC8328's Avatar
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    Yes, community college is a great idea. Even if it's something like one night course for learning computer coding or even taking an art class. You need to be intellectually stimulated as well, and that alone could fire up your brain in all your other areas of life, including socially.

    Also, by reading your post I can tell you're funny. Girls LOVE funny guys! So yeah I'd take the advice from everyone on here... take a class or two then on top of that, try volunteering or find something else of interest like Wiseman suggested. I have a son about your age and he is also shy but once you get to know him, is really funny. He makes girls laugh. Learn how to break out of your shell. Even if it's just saying "I like your jacket" to a young woman you see. You can do it.

  8. #7

    Join Date
    Aug 2019
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    2
    Thanks for the replies and good ideas, I appreciate it. The college idea is good but i don't think would work for me but maybe the cooking classes or something along those lines. But those classes always seem like a couples thing?

  9. #8
    Silver Member
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    May 2019
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    Originally Posted by cc1999
    Hi, This is my first post on this site and im just looking for a little bit of advice on relationships and friendships. Iím 19 and turning 20 shortly, I graduated highschool over 2 years ago now and have been stuck in a rut so deep im just spinning all 4 tires. Ive lost contact with most people from high school and have only seen a small part of my old friend group twice since graduating, and it wasnít because of some falling out itís just we never had anything in common and now Iíve basically secluded myself as I donít like much interactions. I also recently got netflix and can understand how it is seriously addicting! and is starting to become a bit of a problem haha. I live in a small town with not much to do without going to the next towns over. I have always found it hard connecting with people and just interactions in general. I have realized I subconsciously avoid contact when in public, like the self checkouts in stores were a great invention for people like me, to be able to walk into a store get what I need and leave without saying a word! Perfect. I would like to meet some more people and maybe make new friends but being male 19 I would also like to meet girls too but thats where it gets trickier. I work in the trades and have for a year and a half since I never went to college (people really like to point out how much im missing out by not going to school and the people and girls you meet). I donít regret not going to college but Iíll be honest those comments sometimes make me think how much I really could be missing out. With my job I sometimes work random and long hours which involves some weekends and nights, I also never know when Iíll be home or where im going so it makes hard and frustrating to make any plans to do anything. I know youíre probably thinking what kind of plans would I be making instead of trying to finish ďStranger ThingsĒ without falling asleep in the middle of an episode. But it can make it hard when planning to go away for the weekend with family.

    I do have issues making connections and contact with girls. I never get much interaction in my line of work since its like 99% male and 1% female to practice, so its up to me to do it the hard way! There were very few girls I was into while in school except for one, who one friend tried kinda setting us up but I struggled with what to do and how to act and it didnít workout (my fault) and I think that didnít help the old self esteem very much. Iíve realized how shy I can be around girls but also anyone I guess, but with just eye contact and making connections. I usually end up focusing on how to just get away before I make a fool of myself. Being the stereotypical male, I try to convince my self all is good but deep down I know its not and im not living the most healthy life mentally and im a bit lonely but just struggle with getting out and convincing my self I have too, They do call it the comfort zone for a reason! A lot of people would use social media to get in contact with old friends or people from high school, but I never had any social media accounts and dont really intend to so I would need for real world interactions. Any help/advice is appreciated thanks!
    There's you answer! It really is up to you.

    Nobody can do it for you. You are the one who has to do it. Find a group that does something you enjoy--a running group? Sports? The arts? Join it. And TALK TO PEOPLE.


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