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Thread: Mother in law refuses to like me and manipulates my wife

  1. #1
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    Mother in law refuses to like me and manipulates my wife

    So..me and my wife have been together for 4 years and have a 2 year old son. My mum, dad, brother and 4 sisters all like my wife but her mum, dad, sister and brother hate me for absoloutly no reason (that I know of) The second day after me and my then girlfriend started going out my wife's mum called her just to tell her that her brother and her did not like me and found me very intimidating (heavily tattooed). They made thier judgment immediately before even speaking to or meeting me. My mother in law makes things very difficult, refuses to speak to me, will rarely come to see her grandson because I'll be there. She just holds a huge grudge towards me for no reason and after 4 years and 1 grandson later refuses to just let it go. I even try to message her sometimes to see how she is but she doesn't reply..instead she screenshots my message and sends it to my wife saying I'm either being sarcastic or trying to annoy her etc. That's the kind of thing I'd expect from a child, no a 54 year old women. My partner sent her a long message a few days back and part of that message said "I am going to take a break from seeing and speaking to you for a while in the hope that you may realise that there are more important things in life than your grudge against my husband" the only problem with this is that my mother in law knows (and so do I) that my wife will be the first to give in and speak to her. After that message was sent my wife's mother read it and didn't respond and it's been 5 days now (her mum messages all day every day) She hasn't responded because she knows my wife WILL speak to her it's just a matter of time and when she does that will only give her mum more confidence in the fact that she never has to let her grudge with me go because it will never effect her (atleast not for long). I could easily ignore it if it wasn't for the fact that she purposely tries to cause issues between me and my wife. She's openly admitted to me that she will always want nothing more than her not to be with me but the acts like the perfect mother in law Infront of my wife. My wife has clocked onto it a bit but not fully. Im not sure what to do as it's putting alot of strain on our marriage. My wife loves me but she also loves her mother and will never shut her off for long or be blunt with her because she doesn't want to hurt her feelings etc.
    Thankyou for any tips/advice
    C.F

  2. #2
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    I wonder what you mean when you say your mil found you intimidating? There has to be more to it than just tattoos, especially if you've been kind to her and her daughter and have a child together.

    I'm glad your wife is sticking up for you, but it may be difficult for her to cut her mother off entirely.

    My best advice to you is to ignore your mil. Ignore her comments to you, just smile if she says something unpleasant. In other words, take the high road. She may never come around, but at least you don't have to allow her to be a constant thorn in your side. Don't try to placate her by sending her messages or gifts. Just be the best husband and father you can be.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    My mother in law didnt like me either so I get it. She was rude and mean every chance she got. Nobody ever told her to knock it off even tho it was totally obvious how she was treating me. I stopped having anything to do with her, I didnt go to her house anymore. I wished my husband (her son) or her own husband would have spoken to her about this but it never happened.

    My life got a lot better when I stopped interacting with her. My brother had a PhD in psychology and I asked him what to do. He said stay away from her. Seems so obvious if you think about it, and so that's what I did.

    You wont likely win with this woman, so back off, see what happens. Lessen your involvement with her. Life may get better for you if you do this.

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    Stop reaching out, and stay away from her. You have done the best you can do. Unfortunately, she is a part of the package.

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    Unfortunately she still comes round my house (I've asked my wife to respect the fact that if her mum can't he civil and nice with me then I don't feel comfortable having her come into my home but that's one thing my partner won't do and makes me feel disrespected by my wife. If my mum couldn't get along with my wife them I wouldn't let her in my home and I'm sure most people would be the same

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    I'm not entirely sure what she meant by it I just assumed it was to do with the tattoos as I'm a very quite person, don't drink dont go out partying etc I'm a quiet peaceful person naturally. Unfortunately she does come round sometimes which I'm not pleased about but I guess that's just something I'll have to deal with and grit my teeth so to speak.

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    [QUOTE=SarahLancaster;7151549]I wonder what you mean when you say your mil found you intimidating? There has to be more to it than just tattoos, especially if you've been kind to her and her daughter and have a child together

    I just assumed it was the tattoos as I have my full throat tattooed and 2 small tattoos on my face 1 under each eye (I'm a tattoo artist) Admittedly I do look like a 'thug' to most people because of this but looks are deceving...picture a heavily tattooed bald headed man getting excited over a baby kitten lol..thats me...I look mean I know that but I'm a huge huge softie really and she knows this. So I can only put it down to the tattoos.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    Taken as a given that your MIL does not change, what would be the ideal outcome here for you?
    What can you and your wife do as a team to insure this doesn't come between you?

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    Taken as a given that your MIL does not change, what would be the ideal outcome here for you?
    What can you and your wife do as a team to insure this doesn't come between you?

    That's what I'm trying to figure out. My wife's too soft to put her mum straight so I honestly have no clue what to do with this situation

  11. #10
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Like I an a few others said, back off, stay away from her as best you can. When she comes over, go check the oil in your car or go down the basement and tinker, if you have one. You wont win this one.

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