I think I'd put my foot down and simply say I can't make you like me. But I can say you aren't welcome in my house. Period. You are the man of the house and entitled to have say in who visits.

If she wants to visit to see your grand kids then get over herself and treat you with respect in your own house, and stop trying to sabotage your relationship with your wife who's the mother of said grandkid.

You can't make someone like you. But you can decide not to host an I hate you party in your own home.