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Thread: Girlfriend misgenders me..

  1. #1

    Girlfriend misgenders me..

    I came out to my girlfriend as non-binary recently, and asked her to use they/them instead of female pronouns. She said it was fine and would they/them. Although, she continued to use she/her pronouns when referring to me when talking to friends. She sent me a screen cap of a text conversation, and used female pronouns when referring to me. She would post to her social media things like ‘love my girlfriend’, ‘happy bday to the best girlfriend ever’ ‘happy national gf day’. When I asked why she did it, she said she didn’t know and kept them up. She seems to refuse to use the pronouns I feel comfortable with. Sometimes she just spaces between the letters in girlfriend when talking to me, “you’re a great g i r l f r i e n d”. I don’t know if she’s doing it to get a reaction, to make me more upset after we fight, or simply doesn’t care/doesn’t recognize it. I feel kind of annoying when I constantly correct her over and over. What should I do..? Thanks ! 🙂

  2. #2
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Stop worrying about pronouns. It's absurd to refer to a single person as 'they.' You can't just arbitrarily change the rules of grammar and have everyone ok with that.

    Until you have a sex change operation, you're still a female.

  3. #3
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Is she a good partner in other ways? How would a statement look, grammatically I mean.

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    Silver Member waffle's Avatar
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    So how WOULD you phrase the above? As in, if the girlfriend was asked if you were a good partner? Is they a good partner? Is them a good partner? Is it a good partner? What?

    You need to chill on the pronouns. It's a habit and one that people don't even think about. If I decided one day to change my name and told people to start calling me George, I think that would be hard for people to keep up with and how would it help if all I did was get mad at them about it for not doing what *I* wanted?

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  6. #5
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    I think your particular complaints here are way too high maintenance and you are asking a lot of her. I have a friend who decided to change her first name after she married and she was completely patient and tolerant when I forgot to use it. Just like I understand when people hyphenate my maiden and married name or call me by my maiden name. Sometimes I correct the person if relevant (if I think the person wasn't aware or, in one case, because she sent me a check made out to my maiden name).

  7. #6
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Or maybe tell her to refer to you only by your name?

  8. #7
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Also, I'm not sure what the difference is between 'non-binary' and bi-sexual. When one is bi-sexual, one doesn't change his gender.

    You're confusing gender with sexual preference.

  9. #8
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by waffle
    So how WOULD you phrase the above? As in, if the girlfriend was asked if you were a good partner? Is they a good partner? Is them a good partner? Is it a good partner? What?

    You need to chill on the pronouns. It's a habit and one that people don't even think about. If I decided one day to change my name and told people to start calling me George, I think that would be hard for people to keep up with and how would it help if all I did was get mad at them about it for not doing what *I* wanted?
    Is your 'themfriend' nice?

  10. #9
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    I don't want to start any arguments here but you are all being quite rude and disrespectful. I'm bisexual and have lots of other GLBTIQ friends and yes, non-binary is a gender and YES people can identify as "them" and YES that is THEIR choice. Being non-binary and bisexual is entirely different. Non-binary is a gender, not a sexuality. You are all being quite ignorant and rude to this person who asked for support.
    Last edited by Tinydance; 08-02-2019 at 07:42 PM.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    How long have you been with your girlfriend? Remember it’s a transition for her too. It’s hard to break habits - but if you feel she isn’t trying, that’s a different story.

    Have you told her how to refer to you? Are you her partner? Have you explicitly said that?

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