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Thread: Girlfriend misgenders me..

  1. #11
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I don’t think I was being rude. Why can’t the partner call the person by their name exclusively? Being asked to instantly change the way you have learned to speak your entire life doesn’t happen over night. Referring to a person exclusively by their name can alleviate that.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    If it's very important to you, maybe have a nice non confrontational convo letting her know that. See what she says, try not to assume a negative intent here. Especially if your relationship is otherwise good. If it's not, that's a whole bigger issue to address.

    I know I try to be respectful of how others may wish to be addressed, but yes I screw up. It's habit, and trying to establish a new one. This goes back to the good will already there or not... and trying both ways to extend patience and understanding.
    Good luck.

  3. #13
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    OP, your girlfriend needs time to adjust, too.

    It could simply be habit at this point. I would try to be a little more patient with her while she gets used to this. If you find that she continuously and purposefully uses feminine pronouns even after some time has passed, then I would talk to her again and ask if she is actually comfortable with your identity and wants to continue the relationship.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    I don't want to start any arguments here but you are all being quite rude and disrespectful. I'm bisexual and have lots of other GLBTIQ friends and yes, non-binary is a gender and YES people can identify as "them" and YES that is THEIR choice. Being non-binary and bisexual is entirely different. Non-binary is a gender, not a sexuality. You are all being quite ignorant and rude to this person who asked for support.
    Not to be rude but can you explain why a woman needs to be referred to as they/them? When did this "preference" start and why is it necessary for some people. Why is it such a bone of contention that they be referred to as someone's "girlfriend."

    It's getting beyond acceptable to have to "accept" these changes particularly when we are born with a penis we are a him/his/male and if we have a vagina we are a her/hers/female. Not a they or a them.

    Can you explain why the they/them?

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  6. #15
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    I don't get how 'non-binary' is a gender.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    I don't want to start any arguments here but you are all being quite rude and disrespectful. I'm bisexual and have lots of other GLBTIQ friends and yes, non-binary is a gender and YES people can identify as "them" and YES that is THEIR choice. Being non-binary and bisexual is entirely different. Non-binary is a gender, not a sexuality. You are all being quite ignorant and rude to this person who asked for support.
    I am not trying to be rude, please explain what non binary means. I cant be the only one who is not sure.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    Not to be rude but can you explain why a woman needs to be referred to as they/them? When did this "preference" start and why is it necessary for some people. Why is it such a bone of contention that they be referred to as someone's "girlfriend."

    It's getting beyond acceptable to have to "accept" these changes particularly when we are born with a penis we are a him/his/male and if we have a vagina we are a her/hers/female. Not a they or a them.

    Can you explain why the they/them?
    Well that is not really up to you to say what is acceptable. I'm not non-binary but I have friends and know people that are. I know it's probably not as common but gender and sexuality can actually be fluid. Not everyone feels like they are strictly male or female. Most people may identify as male or female but some don't. Some people don't feel a connection with those genders or they may actually feel male some days and female other days. It is an actual thing and if you Google it you will see a lot of information about it. Just because you have no knowledge of it yourself does not mean it doesn't exist.

    In life we should be respectful and kind to other people. Let's say if you don't like your name and you decide to change it. Some people may not like your new name, think it's silly or whatever. And not understand why they should have to call you by your new name. But it's your decision and it's how you feel. If other people don't like it, it's none of their business because this is your life and not theirs.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    Well that is not really up to you to say what is acceptable. I'm not non-binary but I have friends and know people that are. I know it's probably not as common but gender and sexuality can actually be fluid. Not everyone feels like they are strictly male or female. Most people may identify as male or female but some don't. Some people don't feel a connection with those genders or they may actually feel male some days and female other days. It is an actual thing and if you Google it you will see a lot of information about it. Just because you have no knowledge of it yourself does not mean it doesn't exist.
    Well, I didn't say it didn't exist. I know it exists.

    In life we should be respectful and kind to other people.
    yes lets...

    Let's say if you don't like your name and you decide to change it. Some people may not like your new name, think it's silly or whatever. And not understand why they should have to call you by your new name. But it's your decision and it's how you feel. If other people don't like it, it's none of their business because this is your life and not theirs.
    Please, this is not about name changing it is about changing the term for who you actually are. That's a tad more hard to accept especially for people who grew up without people actually thinking they were male one day and female the next.

    No disrespect intended but really, perhaps being a tad more tolerant to those that can't quite rap their head around it is also in order here.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by rrrrryanw
    What should I do..? Thanks ! 🙂
    Have you asked her if she can rap her head around it? Maybe she hasn't and prefers to call you her girlfriend?

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    Well, I didn't say it didn't exist. I know it exists.

    yes lets...

    Please, this is not about name changing it is about changing the term for who you actually are. That's a tad more hard to accept especially for people who grew up without people actually thinking they were male one day and female the next.

    No disrespect intended but really, perhaps being a tad more tolerant to those that can't quite rap their head around it is also in order here.
    Well people don't always stay the same gender their whole life. Sometimes people realise they are transgender later in life. Especially older people become another gender later on because it wasn't accepted in the past. Now they feel they can transition to the gender they really want to be. Yes it is probably difficult to get used to it but for the sake of the person e.g. partner, effort needs to be made to make them feel valued as the new person they are. I mean deep down they are still the same personality.

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