Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 22

Thread: How should I tell him that I'm pregnant?

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Jul 2019
    Posts
    4

    How should I tell him that I'm pregnant?

    This is going to be a long post, sorry... And pardon my mistakes, English is not my native language.
    I have really no-one to talk about this so I'm also using this forum to empty myself and I hope I feel a bit better after that...

    Anyway, about 2 months ago I met a really nice, intelligent and attractive man. I'm 34 and he is 37-years-old. I have been single for several years now, divorced and have been leading a quite happy and active life. He is also divorced, has 2 teenage kids and quite recently broke up with his girlfriend. From the start we had a very intense connection. It was not only physical - we had so much to talk about, we share similar passions in life, work in quite similar fields, know a lot of the same people etc. But the sex was also extremely good. He was really romantic and affirmed me all the time of how interested he is and how special I am. But then he suddenly told me that he doesn't want a committed relationship and he is happy with the way things are. When I made clear that it's not ok with me and I wanted to end the things he became very sad and told that he is right now in his life in a situation where a new relationship would be very difficult but he doesn't want to lose me. He told that it's because he has to share himself between two cities - he lives in one (where I also live), his children and parents live in other and after every 4 weeks he actually works in Iceland for 2 or 3 weeks. So he travels a lot. He's a very good father and tries to make a lot of time for his kids, spends all the week-ends with them and in summer they are also in his place often during weekdays. He also told me that he has commitment issues because his marriage of over 10 years broke up because his wife cheated on him and his last relationship (the only other real long-term relationship he has had) ended for the same reason. But he told me he still didn't want to end things with me like that and as he was going away soon for 3 weeks we made a promise that we will think during this time if we want to be serious or not. Well, it was he who needed the thinking, not me...

    I was sure he was not going to contact me but a day before leaving for Iceland he came to my place and told me that he couldn't leave without seeing me. We took a long walk and everything was very nice again but at the end he said that he shouldn't have come because he can't promise me anything and his life is too complicated right now. I started crying and asked him not to contact me again.
    Since that he has sent me actually 2 messages where he tells me how special and beautiful I am. That he felt peace, delight and magic with me. That I saved him from big depression that was hitting him and he was almost falling but isn't anymore thanks to me. But he doesn't want to be my mistake but a worthy experience. And that we shouldn't talk about the rest right now.

    Today I found out that I'm pregnant. Yes, there was this one time when we didn't use other protection than the withdrawal method (not smart) and it looks like it did it. I don't know what to do now.

    I don't want to have an abortion. I've had one in the past and it was a very depressing experience that is still haunting me. But I'm very afraid of raising a child alone.

    How should I tell him? Should I tell him at all? I don't even know for sure when he does come back. And I can't call him either right now. And what to think of his behavior?
    Last edited by Lavinia; 07-30-2019 at 07:23 PM.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    1,070
    He can't promise you anything in life, doesn't want a committed relationship and I doubt he wants more children since he has 2 teenage kids now plus all the traveling he must do.

    Yes, tell him you are pregnant. Be honest and tell the truth.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    50,160
    So it sounds like despite all being so complicated he was fine with having sex without protection. So he chose the risk that you might get pregnant. Yes, tell him since I think he is entitled to know and decide whether you want to pursue some sort of child support and see if he wants to interact with your child. All the best to you and I hope your pregnancy goes smoothly!

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Jul 2019
    Posts
    4
    But how should I tell him? I can only communicate with him by Messenger right now.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    4,401
    I agree with the others, tell him, heís entitled to know, but be prepared, this can go three ways, he can be ecstatic and decide to be with you, he can be upset but decide to help while still deciding not to be with you, he canít decide to completely abandon you.

    Given the background info you gave, Iíd guess you are hoping he will want to be with you, understandable, but not guaranteed so be prepared, he does deserve to know though.

    Good luck! And man talk about perfect timing, the one time you donít use protection you happen to be ovulating, what are the odds?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    50,160
    Originally Posted by Lavinia
    But how should I tell him? I can only communicate with him by Messenger right now.
    Are you sure? Why not message him and tell him you need to speak with him about something important.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    4,401
    Originally Posted by Lavinia
    But how should I tell him? I can only communicate with him by Messenger right now.
    Then I guess youíre messaging him.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    10,141
    Gender
    Female
    If I understand you correctly, he'll be back in a couple weeks. If you are certain that an abortion is not an option, then you can wait and tell him in person.

  10. #9

    Join Date
    Jul 2019
    Posts
    4
    Of course in many ways I hope that he wants to be with me because I'm deeply in love with him. But firstly I would never want him to be with me only because of a child, this would be degrading. And I'm prepared for a negative reaction.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    50,160
    Originally Posted by Lavinia
    Of course in many ways I hope that he wants to be with me because I'm deeply in love with him. But firstly I would never want him to be with me only because of a child, this would be degrading. And I'm prepared for a negative reaction.
    After two months and long distance you barely know him and all you know is that he has a mental illness and is unavailable to be with you. It sounds like sex was the focus of most of your short time together. Certainly you can have loving feelings but those feelings aren't really based on knowing him well. Tell him because he's entitled to know he's going to be a father again. I'm sorry it didn't work out with him but it sounds like a lot of drama in a very short time.

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •