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Thread: Overthinking it?

  1. #1
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    Overthinking it?

    Sorry for the long post

    I (20M) talked and flirted with a girl (19M) at work all night the other night. We both started conversations with each other, joked around and told stories about rude and stupid customers (were both cashiers at a grocery store), both asked eachother questions to get to know one another, etc. It felt like talking to a friend id known for a long time, even though that night was the first time we’d actually had real conversations with eachother. Both of us put in an equal amount of effort to talk to eachother. She was working until midnight and when I clocked out at 11, I told her we should hang out sometime and asked for her Snapchat to which she didn’t even hesitate to say yes.

    So we added eachother and when I stopped to get gas on the way home, I posted something on my story and within minutes she sent me a message replying with it. That lead to a small conversation where I flirted a little and eventually told her I was beat and I’d talk to her the next day (yesterday). I messaged her around 1pm the next day and it’s almost like she had a totally different personality over text. She would send short answers (not one word lines that would end a conversation, but nothing like how she was keeping a conversation going the previous night). Through text, I felt like I was the one putting in the most effort to keep something going while still managing to mirror her response times and length of texts.

    I just assumed she was busy since she’d posted on her story that she was out with her grandparents or something and I replied to one part of her story and made some connection to it that I kind of had to make up and she responded basically that the same thing happened to her (that part doesn’t really matter). Eventually that lead to me saying we should hang out this weekend and share our stories and I even added a little “” at the end. She responded with 2 messages, something along the lines of

    1: “oohhhh sure” and

    2: “tbh you’re adorable and I was super flattered when you asked for my snap. We should definitely hang out”.

    We exchanged a few messages and on 2 separate occasions I had to ask or suggest a day. Again, chalked that up to her being busy and not being able to sit and talk for long. There were a some messages after that that may or may not matter, but those aren’t really what I’m *most likely* other thinking.

    The thing that’s bothering me is how she acted over text. In person she was EXTREMELY easy to talk to. Probably the girl I’ve had the least bit of trouble or anxiety about approaching and asking out, but through text it’s like she had a different personality. Again, chalked it up to her being busy but my head seems to enjoy stressing about stuff that most likely isn’t an issue, so here I am. Essentially, am I missing something here? I assume that she’s interested considering she was the first one to even mention a compliment, instead of just saying “yeah” or whatever. She said she’d be visiting her mom out of town this weekend but wasn’t sure about leaving tonight (Friday) or on Saturday, but would let me know.

    Also, let me just get this out of the way. I’m fully aware that her life and her plans don’t revolve around me (lol). Just in case anyone was thinking that’s the idea I had. Just stressing is all.

    Essentially,

    1. Am I reading too much into her attitude through text? I feel like I know I am but my brain keeps bugging me about it, so I thought I’d post here and just get some other opinions.

    And 2. Pretty certain she’s working at the time of me writing this so I obviously know she’s not gonna text me during her shift, but what do I do if she doesn’t message me afterwards to let me know her plans? I thought briefly about messaging her before she went into work, but realized that it’s best to wait for her to take action and let me know her plans since that’s how we ended the last conversation (also I have issues with always being the first to message someone after leaving a conversation that puts the responsibility on them due to past family issues that don’t matter lol).

    Any advice or opinions are welcomed and appreciated. Thank you!
    Last edited by E98; 08-02-2019 at 02:20 PM.

  2. #2
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    Maybe she just doesn't like texting that much. I know a lot of people who are very short with their text messages and sometimes don't even reply, but in person are the life of the party! Texting can be hard because there is not much nuance in the communication.

    I would recommend that you go ahead and make plans to meet. See how that goes. If she seems interested, then call her! Or...you could call her and ask her out!

  3. #3
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    Originally Posted by loyal
    Maybe she just doesn't like texting that much. I know a lot of people who are very short with their text messages and sometimes don't even reply, but in person are the life of the party! Texting can be hard because there is not much nuance in the communication.

    I would recommend that you go ahead and make plans to meet. See how that goes. If she seems interested, then call her! Or...you could call her and ask her out!
    Do you think that’s the best option since we’d already kind of made plans tonight depending on if she goes out of town or not? We left the conversation on her letting me know what’s up.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Focus on asking her out to hang out in person. Do not try to build rapport through text, social media, etc. In person is what counts. Relationships are not build from snaps, stories, tweets, posts, following, friending, texts, etc. They are build in person.
    Originally Posted by E98
    In person she was EXTREMELY easy to talk to. Probably the girl I’ve had the least bit of trouble or anxiety about approaching and asking out, but through text it’s like she had a different personality.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Focus on asking her out to hang out in person. Do not try to build rapport through text, social media, etc. In person is what counts. Relationships are not build from snaps, stories, tweets, posts, following, friending, texts, etc. They are build in person.
    Thank you. Can I ask your opinion on what I should do if she doesn’t text me tonight to let me know if she’s going out of town or not? We left off on her saying she’ll let me know today what her plans are, and obviously she’s not going to text me while at work, but something in my gut is telling me I shouldn’t expect a text when she’s off work. Thanks.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by E98
    Thank you. Can I ask your opinion on what I should do if she doesn’t text me tonight to let me know if she’s going out of town or not? We left off on her saying she’ll let me know today what her plans are, and obviously she’s not going to text me while at work, but something in my gut is telling me I shouldn’t expect a text when she’s off work. Thanks.
    Personally, I would take a minute to recognize that something in your gut as nerves, wink at it, give it the finger, then go do something awesome with your day so if and when she texts you you're feeling confident, relaxed.

    If she doesn't text? Well, deal with that then, not preemptively in the anxious fun house of your mind. No fun comes from that.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Personally, I would take a minute to recognize that something in your gut as nerves, wink at it, give it the finger, then go do something awesome with your day so if and when she texts you you're feeling confident, relaxed.

    If she doesn't text? Well, deal with that then, not preemptively in the anxious fun house of your mind. No fun comes from that.
    Thank you so much. This helps settle the “nerves” lol.

  9. #8
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Sometimes it's easier to negotiate a date on a call.

    If she's being difficult about setting a date, either she does not like you much or she's high maintenance. Both are bad.


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