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Is it bad that my Girlfriend doesn't have any friends!?


JohnSimons1901

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My girlfriend doesn't have any friends literally, but she was in a relationship for 15 years with a guy since they were 15 (she's now 30) I've always had really close friends since the age of 13/14 and im now 29. She broke up with her ex a little over a year ago, and met me after dating people for a few months.

 

We have been seeing each other for nearly a year and are bf/gf, I understand in her defence she was in a long relationship but sometimes I do question her behaviour and how she interacts with people generally as I believe its important to have friends to learn/vent and generally just let off steam with. She doesn't have this and I don't know if its a good/bad thing in regards to our relationship? It would be cool to meet your girlfriends friends and go out with them as she has done with my friends and I think it effects her as a person.

 

Any advice is appreciated, thanks!

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I would think it would be strange, and a deal breaker for me. I would need a life and interests outside of my partner, and would feel obligated to spend all of our free time together. Our lives need balance.

 

How is she with your friends?

 

What does she say about this?

 

She isn;t going to change. You have known this from the beginning. Why wasn't it an issue then?

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Why do you care how many friends she has? Is she clingy or talking your ear off or making you the center of her world? It's not your job to decide how many friends, what type of friends, etc she should have. Get to real heart of the matter.

 

Does she have a career, interests, hobbies etc? Does she see her family much? If she is introverted, a homebody, etc. that's her personality, take it or leave it. If she's too clingy, address that. It seems you want to hang out with your friends more than she's comfortable with?

I do question her behaviour and how she interacts with people generally as I believe its important to have friends to learn/vent and generally just let off steam with.
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"irlfriend Advice!! Help is appreciated

So I am pretty good at handling situations and reading them with my GF but I wanted to know if anyone else has experienced anything similar.

 

I have been seeing my GF for 8 months, we have a good sex life and get along most of the time. She is very sensitive to things I may do or say or even faces I make when I react to something she says/does and can go off in a funk just from my reaction... is this normal? She can be defensive and argue and create drama for her own problems, act like I did something to make her feel that way, when I haven't done anything to make her feel attacked when its her own problems nothing that I have done/said... she usually see's after the truth and apologises but not sure how much longer this can go on for, she will say she cant keep doing this when its her creating the issue.. ? Then apologise.

She doesn't have many friends and can have a hard time getting along with people from what I see but she is generally very caring and loving. She even tells me she feels weird just generally sometimes or tired and comes out in a funk and I feel like I'm some times trying to bring her up a lot."

 

I see that you stay with her because all of your friends are in a relationship. That is not good, or fair.

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We both appreciate our space and we both are vocal about having our own down time ect... I go out with my friends still and see them freely.

 

She is pretty good with my friends and in comparison to other friends of mine and their girlfriends. I wouldn't feel bad telling her that I am going out or seeing friends but it's just that she doesn't share these experiences ? Like never saying I'm busy and seeing this friend or inviting me out with her friends and this would obviously effect anyones behaviour toward their bf/gf as that is their life line to being social ? Or am I over thinking ?

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That's not why I stay with her, I have had opportunities to see other girls and I have never cheated nor would I but it doesn't make it easy when all of your friends are in relationships and what I mean by this is that their relationships are argumentative and tbh what I have is better than theirs, so I think I have something good ect.

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Who cares? Leave her alone and let her be herself. Stop being the social director. Enjoy your friends and accept her for who she is.

I wouldn't feel bad telling her that I am going out or seeing friends but it's just that she doesn't share these experiences ?
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Well sometimes she can be clingy and overthink - I believe having friends helps you relax and takes the edge off. Like I can talk to my friends about personal things and my gf only realistically has me and very few family.

 

She has hobbies and a career and is close to her mum and dad but thats about it, shes fine with me going out with friends as she says but I can tell that she is jealous as much as she tries to hide it.

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"irlfriend Advice!! Help is appreciated

So I am pretty good at handling situations and reading them with my GF but I wanted to know if anyone else has experienced anything similar.

 

I have been seeing my GF for 8 months, we have a good sex life and get along most of the time. She is very sensitive to things I may do or say or even faces I make when I react to something she says/does and can go off in a funk just from my reaction... is this normal? She can be defensive and argue and create drama for her own problems, act like I did something to make her feel that way, when I haven't done anything to make her feel attacked when its her own problems nothing that I have done/said... she usually see's after the truth and apologises but not sure how much longer this can go on for, she will say she cant keep doing this when its her creating the issue.. ? Then apologise.

She doesn't have many friends and can have a hard time getting along with people from what I see but she is generally very caring and loving. She even tells me she feels weird just generally sometimes or tired and comes out in a funk and I feel like I'm some times trying to bring her up a lot."

 

What about this?

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Well sometimes she can be clingy and overthink - I believe having friends helps you relax and takes the edge off. Like I can talk to my friends about personal things and my gf only realistically has me and very few family.

 

She has hobbies and a career and is close to her mum and dad but thats about it, shes fine with me going out with friends as she says but I can tell that she is jealous as much as she tries to hide it.

 

In what ways is she clingy, jealous and an over-thinker?

 

You say she's usually fine with you seeing your own friends and doesn't take issue with it, but the bolded bits above suggest otherwise. What sort of problems is her lack of a social life creating in your relationship?

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She over thinks to the point that she thinks I don't like her or am just not in too her when I haven't done anything to give her that impression. Like if she had friends they would tell her - your bf sounds great kinda thing and reassure her and she would have a comparison not that you always have to compare but some times I think its necessary.

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Recalling your last post, I'd suggest a different question at the heart of this thread. Something more focused on you, rather than shifting things to her. Something along the lines of: "Is it bad that I don't like my girlfriend enough to simply enjoy being with her?"

 

When we are with someone we like, rather than with someone for slightly muddier reasons—be it sex, or a salve to loneliness, or some kind of combination—we don't ask questions like this. The early days of dating are about assessing who someone is, and if you're compatible, not ignoring the things that raise eyebrows and cause discomfort because it's nice having sex with someone and being coupled up like your friends.

 

I think that, deep down, you know this is not the woman for you but are scared to admit that, scared to be alone, scared of something you'd rather not explore in favor of exploring her habits, socially or otherwise. When fear is our guide, we tend to walk down strange paths. The further we walk down those paths, the longer it takes to find the path we really want to be on.

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If you are her only source of social interaction, such as you are the sole center of her universe, it might end up feeling smothering to you, and she would be more devastated with a breakup if she has no support system outside of her bf.

 

Is she close to her family? How much time does she spend with them? Is she in a career she loves? What does she do in her leisure time? From the past post that Hollyj copied and pasted, it sounds like she might suffer from depression, and certain people who suffer from that condition often isolate themselves. If she does suffer from depression and refuses to seek treatment for it, then no, I don't believe she can be a good partner to anyone.

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I get that and it's completely true and you said it beautifully.

 

I have had past relationships and I haven't generally got along with some one this much or done as many things as we have done. So my question is - is there some thing better ?

 

What do you mean by "something better"?

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In a way I am, I enjoy spending time with her but it would be nice for her to say im busy this Saturday ect we can meet Sunday if your free. But generally she's always free.

 

She is close with her mum and dad and thats it really. She likes her job. Her leisure time is mainly gym and running errands nothing 'fun'

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This is who she is, either you accept it or you don't.

 

This is the second thread in less than a month. Something is not jiving for you, so it may be best to move on and find another girl. Next time, do not ignore personality traits that are an issue. You will save a lot of time and pain.

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Well I mean is there a perfect person for everyone ? really...

 

Yes, there is. And you know who that perfect person is? It's yourself. When you're totally cool spending your life with that person—the relationship you're truly in forever—you're less willing to make compromises and rationalize relationships that leave you drained and discouraged.

 

And when you detach from that mindset—yeah, you generally start finding people who compliment you well, rather than complete you. Are they "perfect"? No, of course not. Perfect is boring. But they are perfectly imperfect for you, rather than a knot you keep trying to untangle in order to avoid the real knot inside yourself.

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Well I mean is there a perfect person for everyone ? really...

 

If she was right for you (and you believed she was) you wouldn't have started two threads about her. That indicates you are dissatisfied with the relationship.

 

We can give our opinions about whether or not having friends is important. But our opinions are not going to force her to go out and find friends. If she chooses not to, that is her right. Nothing we say (and nothing YOU say) will change that.

 

You don't seem happy. You protest and mention your "connection" but your posts indicate otherwise.

 

Hanging onto her because you don't think you can find "some thing better" isn't very kind to her, is it?

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