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Thread: Don't know what to do next?

  1. #1

    Don't know what to do next?

    So there's this guy (mid 20s, just like me) who I noticed flirted with me, but never really made a move. I'm pretty standoffish, so I understood why. Instead, I messaged him (on facebook) if he wanted to meet up and he was excited and agreed. We met up, talked about alot, but whenever the topic of relationships came up, I changed the subject (out of nervousness). After the 'meet up', I messaged him and said that I enjoyed my time with him and he basically agreed. A week goes by and I hadn't heard from him, so I messaged him and made a convo about something we talked about on our first hangout/date. He was pretty into the convo and I decided to give him my number and told him to text me. He texted me, and all I said was 'gotcha' (which I now realize wasn't the best response). He didn't respond, and when I saw him a few days later (with friends), he tried to talk to me, but I was extremely tired and also socially awkward (which I don't think he knows) so that didn't go well. We exchanged a few words but nothing meaningful. I texted him the next day and told him that I enjoyed talking to him and would like to talk more. He said "Alright! Let's do it". I didn't text for a few hours because I was at a friend's going away party. I asked him if he wanted to hang out soon and he basically said he wishes he could but he's super busy within the next week and traveling after that for two weeks, but that we would make plans when he returns. I said "okay!" and he didn't respond. I'm a little confused here. I've been single my entire life and never dated before, so this is all new territory. I don't mind initiating contact, but it seems like the only time we communicate outside of our friend group is when I initiate it. He has quality responses, but never contacts me first. I know I might be giving off mixed signals, which is why I suggested we talk more. But he didn't try to talk more after that, just agreed? Do I text him while he's away? I really like this guy and I have no idea what to do next. Any advice?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Keyman's Avatar
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    Yes, it is fine that you made contact with him, it doesn't always have to be the guy doing the contacting first. But I firmly believe that communication should be a mutual thing, whomever initiates. If one person, girl or guy is doing all the initiating, the other isn't interested enough.


    I'm seeing more often these days girls initiating with guys, but just enough so the guy knows they are interested, and can then take up the chase. This is defintely not happening in this case.


    My advice on this one is to let it go. He is just planly being distant and making you do all the work. He's not interested, move on.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Decide whether you want to date him...or not. But don't jerk anyone around like this. Learn to communicate with more than strange one-word replies. For example. "Okay, text me when you get back and we'll get together". Try to make someone feel like their efforts are worth it, if you are interested in them. Or stop pursuing them and sending mixed messages. Don't play games like this..
    Originally Posted by stephann7
    -I decided to give him my number and told him to text me. He texted me, and all I said was 'gotcha'
    -I saw him a few days later (with friends), he tried to talk to me, but I was extremely tired and also socially awkward so that didn't go well.
    -he could but he's super busy within the next week and traveling after that for two weeks, but that we would make plans when he returns. I said "okay!"

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by Keyman
    Yes, it is fine that you made contact with him, it doesn't always have to be the guy doing the contacting first. But I firmly believe that communication should be a mutual thing, whomever initiates. If one person, girl or guy is doing all the initiating, the other isn't interested enough.


    I'm seeing more often these days girls initiating with guys, but just enough so the guy knows they are interested, and can then take up the chase. This is defintely not happening in this case.


    My advice on this one is to let it go. He is just planly being distant and making you do all the work. He's not interested, move on.
    I agree with the above.

    I also think that maybe you should try to engage a bit more in convos. Not all of these one word replies .

    Do not reach out to him again.

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  6. #5
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    You should consider a part time sales job to improve your social skills.

    However, I think this guy should make more effort for a date, but he's just not into you. Only date guys who like you a lot and you'll do ok.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    The way you interacted with him would've frustrated anyone, so I can see why he's no longer interested. Learn from your mistakes so that you might have better luck with the next guy who strikes your interest. Maybe join meet up.com groups where you can gradually get to know the regulars over time during activities like hiking, attending festivals, kayaking, etc. Read books for shy people about communication.

  8. #7
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    You didn't give him anything to go on!!! You have got to be less standoffish if you want it to go anywhere.

    And, if he is traveling for two weeks, you probably won't hear much from him. That is totally normal. But one word answers are a bugger...so practice your skills!

  9. #8
    Originally Posted by loyal
    You didn't give him anything to go on!!! You have got to be less standoffish if you want it to go anywhere.

    And, if he is traveling for two weeks, you probably won't hear much from him. That is totally normal. But one word answers are a bugger...so practice your skills!

    I'll see him again later next week with friends, but I do want to talk to him before then. I want to show I'm interested, but since he didn't respond yesterday I don't know if I should text him again today (don't want to seem clingy/needy) or wait until sometime next week?

  10. #9
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    If you want to text him today, text him! Just say "hi! you crossed my mind today. I'm looking forward to seeing you next week!" and leave it at that.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Decide whether you want to date him...or not. But don't jerk anyone around like this. Learn to communicate with more than strange one-word replies. For example. "Okay, text me when you get back and we'll get together". Try to make someone feel like their efforts are worth it, if you are interested in them. Or stop pursuing them and sending mixed messages. Don't play games like this..
    I agree with that ^^^

    You are making an effort in initiating but then you go cold on him. He's just mirroring your interest.

    He's away, don't text him again. Its his turn to respond.

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