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Thread: Should I move on?

  1. #1
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    Should I move on?

    Iíve been dating this guy going on five months and I getting a sense that he could be emotionally unavailable. He is very logical and itís hard to get him to open up. We still are seeing each other every two weeks for the most part though I try to understand because he owns a business and works it overnight. He is very high level when we speak about an actual relationship and says he likes to take it slow.

    His birthday is coming up and he just told me he was leaving for the weekend. Would have been nice to be included in the plan. Ive pulled back a bit because I felt like my leaning into him wasnít being reciprocated but I want to make sure Iím not the one moving too fast.

    At this point should I just let this fade?

  2. #2
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    He's very busy because he owns a business and works it overnight. He sounds stressed with his high level job. He has a lot of business related responsibilities and priorities. He doesn't have time for you if you're only seeing him once every 2 weeks. This situation won't change.

    It's good that he's logical, however he's emotionally unavailable which is problematic. How much patience do you have left?

    If you're willing to take it slow, you'll have to go at his pace, not yours.

    Yes, it would've been nice to include you in his birthday plans. He doesn't seem as seriously invested in this 5 month relationship as you are.

    If you're dissatisfied with how he is and this dating arrangement, then one of these days, you should have an in-person discussion with him regarding your valid complaints. I wouldn't fade without an explanation. Out of respect, he deserves an explanation from you. If the two of you cannot resolve your differences, perhaps it's time to go your separate ways.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by love1985
    At this point should I just let this fade?
    Given what you described, I would let it fade. Having been in your situation I don't think that it's a good sign that after 5 months he refuses to talk about the relationship, only sees you every two weeks, and is planning a weekend birthday trip without you. My guess is that if you stopped pursuing him, you probably wouldn't hear from him at all.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    If you're dissatisfied with how he is and this dating arrangement, then one of these days, you should have an in-person discussion with him regarding your valid complaints. I wouldn't fade without an explanation. Out of respect, he deserves an explanation from you. If the two of you cannot resolve your differences, perhaps it's time to go your separate ways.
    I agree with Cheryl, particularly the above.

    He's giving you what works for him. That doesn't make him a monster, but it might mean that, after five months, you're realizing it's not enough. Can't say I blame you. I get the impression that, five months in, things are much the same was they were a month in.

    Still, just making assumptions and initiating a fade isn't really a respectful way to deal with thisónot to him, or for you.

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  6. #5
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    Is he single...? This sounds extremely casual OP. At 5 months you guys should be spending at least 2 days a week together and he should def be spending his birthday with you. :I

    I have dated some extremely busy people with big careers and they made lots of time for me. Once a fortnight is ridiculous and it seems to me he sees you more like a fwb than actual gf.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by love1985
    He is very high level when we speak about an actual relationship and says he likes to take it slow.
    I'm also kind of curious to know what "high level" means, especially in the context of someone who is not prone to opening up. As another poster said, it all sounds pretty casual.

  8. #7
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    If my math is right, you've been in his company only 10 times.

    I'd also like to know what you mean by his being 'high level' when you speak about relationships. He's told you that he wants to take it slowly, and apparently you're not ok with that. He has proved that he's not totally on board with you by going off with friends on his birthday weekend and not including you.

    If you feel that the relationship has potential, you'll have to, as others have said, do it on his terms. What do you two have in common? What fun things have you done together. Is it all just sex?

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    He's very busy because he owns a business and works it overnight. He sounds stressed with his high level job. He has a lot of business related responsibilities and priorities. He doesn't have time for you if you're only seeing him once every 2 weeks. This situation won't change.

    It's good that he's logical, however he's emotionally unavailable which is problematic. How much patience do you have left?

    If you're willing to take it slow, you'll have to go at his pace, not yours.

    Yes, it would've been nice to include you in his birthday plans. He doesn't seem as seriously invested in this 5 month relationship as you are.

    If you're dissatisfied with how he is and this dating arrangement, then one of these days, you should have an in-person discussion with him regarding your valid complaints. I wouldn't fade without an explanation. Out of respect, he deserves an explanation from you. If the two of you cannot resolve your differences, perhaps it's time to go your separate ways.
    Thanks for the advice and perspective. He says he is stressed a lot which I get. I agree on fading with no context though Iíve brought this up before and he swears that I need to let him lead this. My patience is low at this point and my feelings are getting hurt in the process.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    I agree with Cheryl, particularly the above.

    He's giving you what works for him. That doesn't make him a monster, but it might mean that, after five months, you're realizing it's not enough. Can't say I blame you. I get the impression that, five months in, things are much the same was they were a month in.

    Still, just making assumptions and initiating a fade isn't really a respectful way to deal with thisónot to him, or for you.
    You are right on point and I agree. Iíll have the conversation after he returns.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Honeycomb8
    Is he single...? This sounds extremely casual OP. At 5 months you guys should be spending at least 2 days a week together and he should def be spending his birthday with you. :I

    I have dated some extremely busy people with big careers and they made lots of time for me. Once a fortnight is ridiculous and it seems to me he sees you more like a fwb than actual gf.
    Thank you for the context. I agree or maybe if he let me in I could help. But if weíre not wanting the same thing then itís all a mute point.

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