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Thread: My ex is mad I slept with someone else

  1. #11
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    Well hollyj thatís pretty ing rude. Have you been married for 14 years? Have you expanded your family 7x over? No? Then please donít assume I lack self respect when you have no idea how a grieving process like this is. Not everyone grieves the same not everyone is willing to just give up on something theyíve invested so much into. As for focusing on my kids and not another guy, what part of one night stand did you not grasp? My children were with their father, I was on my time, sooo yeah I had every right to do what I please. But thanks for your condescending, judgmental advice! Iíll be sure to put that one in the ignore pile. ✌️

  2. #12
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    What? I have legal aid for legal representation bc I am now low income since he left. Not on government assistance while we were married, we both worked

  3. #13
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    He walked out on you and your children, and you are repeatedly rewarding him with sex. Your husband is not invested in your relationship, you should focus on that!

    Think about your kids, and not this idiot who treats you like garbage. Do better for you and your children.

    You are concerned because he is upset you slept with someone else, after all he did/does. Shaking my head.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Well.... boo freaking hooo..... If he can't afford child support, maybe he shouldn't have abandoned his family.

    Look, your soon to be ex husband is literally mind fck'ing you to kingdom come. He is playing games to get out of child support and to keep fck'ing you, no NOT making love to you, but fkci'ing you like a cheap prostitute, because you are too weak, too desperate to tell this abuser to hit the road. Him and his family are abusing you. I know it's hard to face, hard to admit, hard to wrap your mind around. However, you don't have a choice but to face reality. Stop putting a man who is abusing you on a pedestal, remove rose colored glasses, see him for the low life that he is and kick him to the curb hard. Also, please please find a good counselor/therapist experienced in dealing with trauma bonding, because what's keeping you glued to this abusive loser is that - trauma bonding. You need to wake up, snap out of it, get angry, get though, heal, move on. You need some serious help and support to get this done. You can do this and it starts with taking care of yourself for once.

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  6. #15
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    Again hollyj Iíll be sure to put this in the pile of ignore comments. You ainít my mama or my best friend. Keep your tough love to yourself. You think Iím not aware of his behaviour? You think Iím not aware of how this looks to my kids, which btw they have no idea of any of it bc we have never been intimate here or with them around. They have no idea weíve even stayed romantically involved for that exact reason. All our interactions outside of the kids has been somewhere other than my home. But I donít need to justify myself to you. I love my husband, the good the bad and the ugly. I took my vows very seriously. Itís not easy to just in tie everything and say F it letís set this mother on fire and move on. Emotions are difficult. Thatís also why courts make you wait a year before filing for divorce, to give couples an opportunity to work on their issues. Which is exactly what I had been hoping for.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by UnicornMama
    Again hollyj Iíll be sure to put this in the pile of ignore comments. You ainít my mama or my best friend. Keep your tough love to yourself. You think Iím not aware of his behaviour? You think Iím not aware of how this looks to my kids, which btw they have no idea of any of it bc we have never been intimate here or with them around. They have no idea weíve even stayed romantically involved for that exact reason. All our interactions outside of the kids has been somewhere other than my home. But I donít need to justify myself to you. I love my husband, the good the bad and the ugly. I took my vows very seriously. Itís not easy to just in tie everything and say F it letís set this mother on fire and move on. Emotions are difficult. Thatís also why courts make you wait a year before filing for divorce, to give couples an opportunity to work on their issues. Which is exactly what I had been hoping for.
    Unfortunately, he did not respect or honor the vows.

  8. #17
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    I get to some people this makes me look weak or pathetic. Thatís your perspective. Iím not saying I shouldnít be stronger and move forward, but thatís clearly what Iím struggling with. Everyone keeps throwing the word abusive around, Iím not saying it isnít abusive. But how is someone to just all of a sudden look at someone as an abuser when they never abused you previously??? This is where the mind fu*ckery begins. We had a good marriage from where I was standing. We worked well as a team for our kids, we spent time together, went on dates, were intimate regularly, he helped with the household, the kids, and everything in between. He supported me and my choices, encouraged me and told me everyday how beautiful I was and how much he loved me. It was literally like a flip of a switch it all changed over night. Yes we had normal marital problems, stress, money issues and the biggest his familyís negative interference. But aside from that, we welcomed another baby, we were planning on purchasing our first home, we were planning a vacation this summer. Like to say that I should just emotionally and mentally pick up my big girl panties and move on is so much easier to say standing on the outside. This is not as if he treated me poorly our entire marriage and I know heís a sh*t person. Itís that he was the exact opposite of a sh*t person and then boom over night became a sh*t person. Thatís a lot to process. Ntm 12 weeks postpartum with a newborn, 2 toddlers, a 9 yr old and 3 teenagers. Like I have so much on my plate and Iím trying to sort it all out. But again I love my husband and I havenít been able to just turn it off.

  9. #18
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    Sudden changes in behaviour usually have a cause... a gf... drugs..his family pushing and pushing and pushing .

  10. #19
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    He chose his family over you and his kids. End of story. This is all you need to focus on. He deserted you all!

    He is a sh*t person and a terrible father. i don't know how you can possibly have any respect for this man?

    I hope that if you continue to sleep with this creep, that you use condoms.

    What does your family say?

  11. #20
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by UnicornMama
    Again hollyj Iíll be sure to put this in the pile of ignore comments. You ainít my mama or my best friend. Keep your tough love to yourself. You think Iím not aware of his behaviour? You think Iím not aware of how this looks to my kids, which btw they have no idea of any of it bc we have never been intimate here or with them around. They have no idea weíve even stayed romantically involved for that exact reason. All our interactions outside of the kids has been somewhere other than my home. But I donít need to justify myself to you. I love my husband, the good the bad and the ugly. I took my vows very seriously. Itís not easy to just in tie everything and say F it letís set this mother on fire and move on. Emotions are difficult. Thatís also why courts make you wait a year before filing for divorce, to give couples an opportunity to work on their issues. Which is exactly what I had been hoping for.
    OP you came here looking for advice on whether or not your ex has a right to be upset. The answer to that question is that absolutely yes, he has every right to feel whatever feelings he wants to feel in this situation. Whatever your feelings for him or about the situation are, they are his feelings and for him, they are valid. It's as another poster said... to him, separation meant something different than it did to you.

    You will do what you are going to do, for whatever reasons you do them... his hurt feelings are a direct result of the consequences of your decision. If you were serious about staying with him, then sleeping with someone else was not the way to show it.

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