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Thread: The other groomsman

  1. #1
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    The other groomsman

    So you all heard a little about the crush pair off, it was humorous and nothing more than that.

    Now at the same wedding there was a single, attractive totally available groomsman. Yay! Unfortunately, the way the day went with pictures, seating arrangements, no dancing or entertainment (it was a super traditional wedding), the bridal party really didn’t get a chance to talk much.

    I spoke a little to this guy over lunch when everybody was grabbing quick bite between pictures. I wouldn’t say we “hit it off” or anything aside from exchange conversation more as a group than anything else. He seems nice and has a great job.

    Tonight my sister was bemoaning the fact that they didn’t introduce the bride and grooms friends, that we all had to self introduce and that everything was so rushed and then separated all day.

    “He’s so good looking.” She told me she wished I would have talked to him more one on one. I hadn’t. Oh well.

    I had actually been thinking about him a lot since the wedding. More his quirky mannerisms than his ‘attractiveness’ — he is interesting to me. I was kicking myself for not breaking the ice better.

    Should I add him on Facebook and invite him to coffee. I’m open to ideas.

    You all know how good I am at missing opportunities. Maybe you’ll say I already have.

    Thoughts?

  2. #2
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    I say, why not (re: reaching out to him on social media).

    If he’s into it, obviously you’ll receive a positive reply.

    If not, you’ll also have your answer.

    If you can deal with the outcome either way, including the possibility it might not turn out as you had hoped, I say go for it.

    We only live once.

    Good luck!

  3. #3
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    You are both obviously close to the bride and groom... enough to both be in the wedding party... why not just not-so-subtlely ask about him?

    Most people looove setting people up.

    You can get the inside scoop about him and it’s totally less awkward if it comes from the couple.

    They could probably easily setup a double date or whatever...

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Didn't you mention the groomsman currently has a girlfriend? You wrote that on your original post about this wedding.

    If he doesn't have a girlfriend, see if he's receptive to your FB and coffee invitation.

    Don't scare him off though. Make sure you establish good friendship first and take a while to get to know each others personality and character. Take it very slow!

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  6. #5
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    I would ask the bride or groom to make the introductions - I've seen that done many times. What's the deal with his "great job?" Is it that you find his work/field particularly interesting? Do you have a great job in that sense?

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    Didn't you mention the groomsman currently has a girlfriend? You wrote that on your original post about this wedding.

    If he doesn't have a girlfriend, see if he's receptive to your FB and coffee invitation.

    Don't scare him off though. Make sure you establish good friendship first and take a while to get to know each others personality and character. Take it very slow!
    This is a different groomsman.

  8. #7
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    Okay, I feel more confident reaching out myself via Facebook.
    Something about getting others involved makes me feel awkward.
    Also my cousin’s newly minted husband is incredibly awkward socially— a double date across from him would be horrible, I can almost feel the cringe!!!

    Yes, I have a good job and 2 degrees. I’m not after him for his job or income.

    There are certain jobs I find fascinating, he happens to be a commercial pilot. I’ve thought that it was one of the coolest jobs since I was a kid :). But really mostly everyone does probably.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You could try inviting him to your social media, but why don't you get on some dating apps to find dates? Keep in mind, he did not go out of his way to talk to you, find out more about you, ask for your contact info, etc, so be prepared to just be friends.
    Originally Posted by FirstDates
    Should I add him on Facebook and invite him to coffee.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by FirstDates
    Okay, I feel more confident reaching out myself via Facebook.
    Something about getting others involved makes me feel awkward.
    Also my cousin’s newly minted husband is incredibly awkward socially— a double date across from him would be horrible, I can almost feel the cringe!!!

    Yes, I have a good job and 2 degrees. I’m not after him for his job or income.

    There are certain jobs I find fascinating, he happens to be a commercial pilot. I’ve thought that it was one of the coolest jobs since I was a kid :). But really mostly everyone does probably.
    No -not a double date -mention that you enjoyed meeting him and would like to get to know him better. That is cool that he is a commercial pilot! It will be less awkward if your friend makes inquiries because if he sees your name on Facebook it might go to his other folder or he might not remember meeting you. But it's up to you. My sense is if he was interested he would have done his best to follow up.

    Many years ago in the 1980s I met a guy through my friend -not a date situation - her friend's brother joined us for dinner. We liked each other. He was shy so he didn't ask my friend for contact info (also it was his brother who was the friend). I asked my friend later if he'd asked and she said no. Well he remembered I'd pointed out the building where I worked. He remembered what I did for part time work (I was in college). He tracked down the phone number of the day care center and called me 3 days later at work not even knowing my last name. I did not even remember him by that point -once he didn't follow up he was off my radar. But then I remembered and we were serious for a year. He did all that to track me down. Before the internet, voice mail, cell phones. Yellow pages basically. And this was a shy guy in his early 20s.

    I firmly believe that typically a man who meets a woman he likes in a setting where there is any way to get in touch will do so. I also don't think it hurts at all for you to follow up. Worst case is it will awkward. No biggie.

  11. #10
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    Go for it! What is the worst that could happen? You have nothing to lose.

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