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Thread: My boyfriend is always mad at me

  1. #1
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    My boyfriend is always mad at me

    Please help me. I'm wondering if there is something wrong with me or if my boyfriend is just unreasonable. He is always getting mad at me and says I'm a horrible person. I'm starting to wonder if I really am or if he is just too sensitive. We have been dating for 9 years now and we live together, but I feel like I am not close to him. Anytime I feel I disagree with him or am anything but happy he gets mad. For example:
    Tonight I asked him to pick up some wine from the store. I told him which brand I wanted. I am I bit of a wine snob and he knows this. I genuinely appreciate a good glass of wine. I appreciate the taste. He brought me the wine and then also a very cheap box wine. I opened it and said, "thanks, wow, I guess this will last for a while. I don't know if it will be very good though". He told me that I drink to much and I'm an alcoholic. I would hardly say that's true as a drink a few glasses of wine (only because I really like the taste) a week. I really don't think this makes me an alcoholic, but please tell me if I'm wrong.

    He got very annoyed with me. I drank some of the wine, but of course didn't like it much. He ended up getting very angry with me and saying how ungrateful I am. He told me that he remembered why he wants to break up with me because I'm a bad person and I hurt his feelings. I told him I appreciate his gesture, but I just generally prefer nicer wines. It really isn't a big deal to me, but he acted like it was the end of the world that I didn't like the wine he brought. I also don't know what he was expecting because he knows that I only like more expensive wines. I really don't feel like I was being mean and I told him I appreciate the thought. He then refused to talk to me for the rest of the night.

    I just want to know....am I a bad person? Am I too critical? I feel like I'm picky, but a generally nice person.

    He is always getting mad over things like this. He got mad at me last week because it was his birthday. He wanted to have a party and we didn't have enough chairs for people to sit. I got the chairs and some extra things to decorate for his party. He ended up getting furious at me because I spent money for his party. He told me that I ruined everything and he just wanted to have his friends over and they could sit on the floor. I feel like I'm going crazy trying not to make him mad...and he always wants to break up with me because "of the kind of person I am". I would love any opinions or input on this. Is he impossible to please or am I just crazy and not seeing things from his point of view? I really think that there is something wrong with my boyfriend, but he always tells me that there is something wrong with me and I'm starting to believe it. I am quite picky about things, but I always feel it is better to be honest with people.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    A lot of different things could be going on here and one that jumps out at me it that - he's behaving like an unreasonable a** so you'll break up with him. He's too much of a coward to do it himself.

    What is apparent is something is off. It's not about the wine or the chairs. Those are just symptoms of a bigger problem. You need to get to the root of what's really bugging him.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    The generous read on this, since I don't really know either of you, is that the Wine Incident and the Birthday Incident are two instances, of what sounds like many, that are trying to tell both of you that the relationship you're in is deeply dysfunctional. Whether you are too picky or he is too unreasonable doesn't matter quite as much as the fact that, together, you guys really sound like two people who don't do well.

    It's been nine years. When was it not like this? Have you guys ever, together, calmly acknowledged that things are shaky and need to be addressed? Do you, at this point, even want to be with him?

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    Both of those examples tie back to money. Is that a coincidence? Or is that the problem?

    I donít think thereís anything wrong with having a few glasses of wine a week - IF you donít go overboard and can afford it. But you kept saying ďniceĒ wine. Does that imply expensive wine? Because that can be an expensive habit. And it would also make sense as to why he also bought a box. Boxed wine tends to be less expensive, with more value for your money.

    The chairs also... did you drop $20 on chairs or $200?

    The way Iím reading it, he seems to be telling you that you are careless with money. Do you both contribute equally to household expenses? Do you run big expenses by each other? How are your finances?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    He sounds like a big baby to me with his BS comments about you and getting upset over wine and chairs. Tho I do believe wine and chairs are not the issue, something bigger is. I dont know how or why you put up with this nonsense. He cant be fun to live with. I dont think you are overly picky, I think he's got problems.

  7. #6
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    He sounds like a manipulative azzhole. Why are you even with him?

    Call his bluff and end it. You can do better.

  8. #7
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    "He is cheating on me right now
    Please help! My boyfriend of 5 years is in Rome for a three day work vacation. I felt anxious about him going because he has cheated on me many years ago when we were in a long distance relationship and he seems to have some sort of an addiction to strip clubs. Our relationship has just been getting back on track (or so I thought) and I just started to finally completely trust him again.

    Right before he left I even had a talk with him that I think stripclubs are cheating with our history and he promised he wouldn't go to one.

    Anyway, tonight I was at home when the Ipad that we share started going off. I was getting messages and I didn't know the number so I was really confused. It turns out that it was somehow connected to my boyfriend's phone too and it took me a minute to realize it. I tried to turn it off, but before I did I saw that he was texting his friend that he is at a lapdance club and currently is having drinks with some girl! I couldn't unsee it.

    I stopped looking at it and turned it off because I don't want to see more. I also messaged my boyfriend just letting him know that I was somehow seeing his text messages on our Ipad and I didn't mean to. I thought it was only fair for me to let him know. He hasn't said anything back to me yet. Now I don't know what to do. He comes home tomorrow. I am currently devastated, but I am trying to hold it together. I feel like I'm in a bad dream and I wish I wouldn't have seen his messages! What should I do?"

    You should have been done a long time ago. Not only is he manipulative and angry, but also a cheat. Why do you put up with this crap? Hw much money did he drop at the clubs?

  9. #8
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    You two have been fighting since 2013. Either you both love drama and conflict or you both are being lazy.

    Why didn't you go out and buy your own wine?

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    You two have been fighting since 2013. Either you both love drama and conflict or you both are being lazy.

    Why didn't you go out and buy your own wine?
    I didn't buy my own wine because my boyfriend was at the store and asked if he could pick up anything....

    Yes, we have been to couples counselling and I truly believed things were going better. We were very happy for a long time after this. About 6 months ago I started to notice his agitated comments and attitude again. I guess I was trying to see if perhaps it is me that is damaging the relationship. I have been told that I can be quite picky and difficult and I wouldn't want to carry that into a future relationship. I've been to private therapy as well & it was suggested that my boyfriend may have a cluster b personality disorder.. although that can't be diagnosed since he isn't a patient. Just wanted to get some other perspectives on this. Sometimes it's hard to see the situation when it's happening to you and I appreciate having and outside point of view. I agree that it's probably time to end the relationship. Thanks!

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Goldielocks
    I didn't buy my own wine because my boyfriend was at the store and asked if he could pick up anything....

    Yes, we have been to couples counselling and I truly believed things were going better. We were very happy for a long time after this. About 6 months ago I started to notice his agitated comments and attitude again. I guess I was trying to see if perhaps it is me that is damaging the relationship. I have been told that I can be quite picky and difficult and I wouldn't want to carry that into a future relationship. I've been to private therapy as well & it was suggested that my boyfriend may have a cluster b personality disorder.. although that can't be diagnosed since he isn't a patient. Just wanted to get some other perspectives on this. Sometimes it's hard to see the situation when it's happening to you and I appreciate having and outside point of view. I agree that it's probably time to end the relationship. Thanks!
    You have aware of the problems for years! You chose to stay.

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