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Thread: I wonder if he feels love for me deep down inside

  1. #1

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    I wonder if he feels love for me deep down inside

    I'm in my early 20s and he is in his late 30s He lives at home with his parents he is always quitting and finding new jobs while I'm home with my parents part time and in school. I been in a long distance relationship since last September and it's been rocky. He hasn't healed from his previous long distance relationship (They never met) He left her for me it seems. They been together for two years and i can tell she meant a lot to him he planned to move to her country and get married. Things didn't work out he told me he missed his flight once to go and they argued too much. He jumped into a full blown relationship with me and it was very lustful gazing over video chat kissing through the phone. I felt a 100% connection like we were falling in love. We watched movies and talked morning day and night. We always kept in touch pretty much through out the day. We always communicated through video and text He would sometimes have trust issues and get upset with me. At first i spent alot of time trying to gain his trust. I always have been nice to him and there for him I always put him first.

    11 months later I realize how badly things gotten he started losing interest in me. He once told me how he how he thought my cousin was hot and even messaged her saying she was beautiful He told me it happened to his other ex's he would admit hes attracted to someone close to the girl he's with. He made me cry a lot. He would always tell me how sorry he was and how he truly loves me and wants me to be there with him.He told me he didn't feel much chemistry anymore in the recent months but he still stays with me it seems out of pity. He always wants me to make the decision to let go (im not sure why) (Hes not ugly he can find someone else) Why does he put up with me? He says i'm good to him i'm a good person hes just really broken person.

    (We finally meet) I know you guys must think i'm stupid but I didnt want to live with what if's since classes start in august it was now or never. I see this man every morning day and night for the past almost year of course i'm attached i'm looking at this man face to face ALL the time. I finally met him I told him I wasn't the skinniest and showed my body to him. before meeting, I spent hours on the train to meet him. Things felt strange at first it felt like I was meeting someone else for the first time he probably felt the same way. I asked if i could kiss him and he agreed (I shouldn't of forced it like that) We are both the same zodiac sign, but he told me he didn't feel like we were compatible for each other. I told him if he didnt want to be with me in a relationship he can leave the hotel so I can get over it. He tells me how am i going to get home I told him I will uber to the airport the next day. He looked at me and stayed quiet for a bit. He came next to me and started crying saying how sorry he was and how I was a good person I told him it's okay you can leave i want to get over it. And he told me he wanted to stay and work things out and he starts cuddling me and agreed to put the relationship status up back on face book. He told me no relationship is perfect and tried to work things out. He looks me in the eyes and tells me he loves me. I peeped through his phone when he was away (I know i shouldn't of had ok.) He told his cousin how strange and weird things felt between us and then he told his cousin he would play along which hurted me. But he also told him that he was trying to make things work. he continues to stay with me even though i'm back home. He told me he felt bad for the way he made me feel and how he wishes he showed that he cared more.

    My question is could he feel love for me deep down inside and maybe it could grow? Because....Hes still staying with me I had a previous ex that cut things off even when I was still prolonging the relationship he didn't give in and stayed and made sure it was over and then after a while he came back and wanted to be with me (Same zodiac sign as me as well) which is Aquarius , and another thing He signed onto my google account to watch a movie with me once and since he signed in I'm still seeing what APPS he uses... like if he goes on messenger.... phone games...youtube..or chrome or even when he opens his clock. He still hasn't been downloading dating apps. I'm conflicted because the last relationships I was (TWO guys) They treated me badly ignored me didn't put me first or didn't show that they loved me but after I moved on they seemed to come around. That's why i'm wondering if he could love deep down inside behind all the brokenness

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. You need to block and delete him and all his people from all your social media, messaging apps and accounts. Also immediately change all your passwords. He sounds too odd and strange to be capable of a healthy relationship.

    Focus on college and your career, studies etc. Get more involved in your campus activities, make friends, and try getting a good profile and picks on some dating apps and start messaging and meeting some college guys.

    You can do much better than a 30-something guy who lives with his parents, is chronically unemployed, wanted a mail-order bride and worst of all, comes on to your cousin.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    He's pushing 40 and lives with mom and dad? You are early 20s. This is a man child you are dealing with who sounds pretty screwed up to me. You need to dump this guy and find someone closer to your own age who has his sh*t together. Block him, change your passwords, eliminate him from your life.

  4. #4
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    Some very red flags I will point out for you before answering your questions:
    Originally Posted by Mellissa
    I'm in my early 20s and he is in his late 30s He lives at home with his parents
    Late 30's and still living at home with parents is cause for concern. Has he given a reason for living with them? Are they unable to live alone and in need of caring for? (disabled, bedridden, etc?) Is he supporting them financially, or is it the other way around? (i.e. the parents are supporting him) If the parents are the ones supporting him, how long has this been the case, and how long will this likely continue?

    Originally Posted by Mellissa
    he is always quitting and finding new jobs
    So, in other words, he has no job stability. Does he have any career goals? How does he intend to support himself if he can't hold down a job for very long? And WHY is he constantly quitting the job that he has?

    Originally Posted by Mellissa
    He hasn't healed from his previous long distance relationship
    if he hasn't healed from the previous relationship, he is definitely in no position to be in a new one right now.

    Originally Posted by Mellissa
    (They never met) He left her for me it seems. They been together for two years and i can tell she meant a lot to him he planned to move to her country and get married. Things didn't work out he told me he missed his flight once to go and they argued too much.
    He planned to move to another country and marry someone he never met in person? Seems very impulsive and irresponsible.

    Originally Posted by Mellissa
    He jumped into a full blown relationship with me and it was very lustful gazing over video chat kissing through the phone.
    Again, quickly jumping from one serious relationship to the next, very impulsive of the guy. I also question why it is that he favors long-distance relationships rather than ones closer to home with whom he can interact in person. Actual, in-person, direct interaction is absolutely mandatory in order to form a genuine bond with one another.

    Originally Posted by Mellissa
    He would sometimes have trust issues and get upset with me. At first i spent alot of time trying to gain his trust. I always have been nice to him and there for him I always put him first.
    His own trust issues are his own responsibility to fix, it is not your problem nor your responsibility to fix them. In any case, you yourself CANNOT fix his inner trust issues, this is only something he himself can address and work on. If he chooses not to work on himself, then you can expect that the trust issues will never go away, no matter how hard you try to "be nice and there for him".

    Originally Posted by Mellissa
    He once told me how he how he thought my cousin was hot and even messaged her saying she was beautiful He told me it happened to his other ex's he would admit hes attracted to someone close to the girl he's with. He made me cry a lot.
    Big, red flag of someone who is prone to cheating and who is emotionally abusive. Do you really want to be with someone who makes you cry????


    Okay, onto your questions:
    Originally Posted by Mellissa
    My question is could he feel love for me deep down inside and maybe it could grow?
    Based on what you have written, no, he does not feel a deep, genuine love for you. It isn't possible based on the limited in-person interaction you have had with one another, the majority of your interaction has been over the internet. Yes, he probably is infatuated with you, and you with him, but that's as "deep" as it is for now. Unless you are able to find a way to actually be with one another, in-person, for a good length of time, a genuine bond and genuine love will not be able to develop. Exactly how many miles apart do the two of you live? You mention riding a train for "hours" and I see you are located in Massachusetts, so I'm guessing he lives in another state somewhere? If so, I find it very odd that the two of you have only managed to meet up once in 11 months.


    OP, I hope that you will take the time to look over and really think about all of the big, very red flags that this person is waving in front of you. You acknowledge that he is a broken person, why do you feel you should be with someone who is broken and who has made no attempt to work on himself? Someone who seems to have no career goals and lives off of his parents in his late 30's? He's nearly 40 and still hasn't grown up.

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  6. #5

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    He is trying to move out of his parents home but he he can't seem to keep a job its either he quits or he gets fired. He has been saving he bought a new van recently and still tried to save to move into a new apartment that seems to be most of his goals. I live in mass and he lives in Illinois. He didnt want to visit because if he comes he says that he would just move to this boston. I couldn't see him during the school year because it was difficult with school and I didn't have my license at the time only permit. So if he doesn't have love for me why isn't he going back on dating apps? why is it mostly hes playing phone games. I thought there was a deep connection there i would like to be able to let go but its hard that's why i questioned if he may have a deep feeling for me he may not express like my previous ex's and why is he putting up with me when he could just delete me? Hes not the type to have ex's or anything on his social media he seems like a closed off person for the most part he doesn't have much social life other than talking to me or his brothers.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    he can't seem to keep a job its either he quits or he gets fired
    HUGE red flag... particularly if he is in his late 30's and living with his parents. This is indicative of his character and potential issues he has that will transfer onto you in the relationship.

    last relationships I was (TWO guys) They treated me badly ignored me didn't put me first or didn't show that they loved me
    Another HUGE red flag, this time about you and your character... OP there is something broken within you that allows you to think that this is all you deserve... as you have found it in yet another relationship. You need to pick your self-esteem and self-worth up off the floor. You deserve someone that loves you right now, today, the way you are.

  8. #7
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    No. He does not love you. And the relationship is toxic.

    He sounds like a bum for these reasons:
    -late thirties. lives with mom and dad.
    -can't keep a job.
    -broke up with someone because he missed a flight.
    -kisses you through the phone (huh?).
    -tells you your relatives are hot.
    -tells you he feels no chemistry with you.
    -wants you to break up with him.
    -he told his cousin he wasn't in to it.

    This is called MANIPULATION. He doesn't give two pennies in caring for you. He is clearly very, very immature and narcissistic. Run, don't walk, as far as you can from this guy. You would be foolish to even think about staying.

  9. #8
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    Girl.

    GIRL.

    This guy does not love you. He is not going to love you. He doesn't even respect you. Get him the heck out of there, and aim higher. You can do a lot better than some almost-40-year-old man child who can't hold down a job and hits on your own cousin.

    He's a chump. You need to figure out why you think a chump is the best you can do. That will be your ticket out of Chump Town.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Can't handle a job OR a relationship.
    You wonder why he's not out looking to date anyone?
    Because this guy is vocationally and emotionally stunted and you've agreed to get involved with him on his terms.

    Most women wouldn't date an a man with his history anyway. Why exactly are you?

  11. #10
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    He is a total loser!!!!

    Why has any of this been okay? Date someone local, who you can actually see and interact with. He is not with you, you met once.

    Please end this, and try to understand why you are choosing these jerks that have zero on offer. Please seek counseling for your self esteem issues,

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