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Thread: Girlfriend ex or old friend moved to neighborhood? Why did she lie at first?

  1. #1

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    Girlfriend ex or old friend moved to neighborhood? Why did she lie at first?

    Me and my girlfriend been together for 4 years. We both 34. About two months ago when she was coming to my apartment building she ran into some guy from her old neighborhood leaving out of my building that she was sexually involved with years ago. He spoke and said how you doing and kept going about his business. At first when she told me about the guy she said he was some annoying guy that lived in her old neighborhood that always kept speaking to her and trying to get her phone number. Later on that same day I asked her about it again and ahe admitted that something did happen with them sexually but only one time. It happened years before we met she said



    When she showed me the guy it wind up being the new guy that either lives in my building now or coming to see someone in my building. Iím not sure. I see the guy pretty often but not everyday. I also seen him with a baby before a few times and also seen him leaving out my building with a woman sometimes too.


    Hereís where the the weird part comes into play. One day I went to the corner store and a few guys I know was in there. My girlfriend ex or whatever we going to call this guy came in the store and he happened to know one of the guys I was talking to in the store. To make a long story short we all wind up in a big conversation for about 10 minutes about random topics

    A few weeks later I was coming home and I ran into the guy again that used to date my girlfriend. He spoke to me, he said whatís up and asked me how Iím doing and thatís it. Now every time he sees me he speaks. Itís just awkward because itís someone my girlfriend had been with in the past or one night stand or whatever. I donít know if he knows that I know him and her used to date


    Hereís where it gets more weird. One day me and my girlfriend was coming in the building and we seen him. He spoke to me as usual. This was strange because I was assuming my girlfriend would ask me about me and him speaking. When we got upstairs she didnít mention it. Instead she was laughing about some lady sitting in front of my building with a big dog.

    We ran into him again another day and he spoke to me. My girlfriend still never mentioned it or asked me about it. Instead she joked about something that happened earlier in the day.


    Itís been a month now and my girlfriend has yet to ask me about me and him speaking. Itís just a awkward situation for me. Has anyone been in this situation before where your boyfriend/ girlfriend ex or somebody who they had a one night stand with live or visiting your neighborhood? If so how did you deal with it?

    My main concern is why did she lie about it in the first place? It makes me wonder if something happened with him and her while me and her was together. She moved from that old neighborhood 2 years ago

  2. #2
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    Honestly, I don't think any of these things are weird. I don't think she really cares too much about him and therefore doesn't want to talk about him. And it is completely normal for neighbors to talk to each other.

    I think you are seeing some things that aren't necessarily there..

  3. #3
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I agree with loyal. Seems the weirdest thing here, really, is your obsession with this dude.

    She was initially a bit foggy about them hooking up a zillion years ago, then explained what was what, on the same day, as mature adults do. In the annals of the romantic deception, that's pretty harmless, pretty understandable.

    She didn't feel like saying, "Oh, him? We had drunken sex once years before I knew you existed." Probably because (a) that's just awkward and (b) she probably doesn't define herself by that random encounter. I'd suggest you not define her by that either, since at 34 you probably have some random collisions in your own past that you'd prefer not to be defined by and have been fortunate enough not to bump into with your girlfriend.

    He's now your neighbor. Neighbors talk. People have history. This is lifeówonderfully weird, not weird weird.

    Aside from this have you been happy in your relationship, trusting of your girlfriend?

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    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Best guess is that your gf knows you well and knows that you are going to get all kinds of weird about this guy, so she tried what many people will try in this situation - avoid conflict as best she could.

    Your weird obsession is proving her 100% correct in trying to avoid this situation. He has moved on, clearly in a relationship with someone else, your gf doesn't care about him. The only person who is being weird af is just you. Creating a mountain out of nothing and then what? You want to die on an imaginary mountain you built yourself? Weirdly self destructive you are.

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  6. #5
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    You have to stop worrying about something that does not matter. What's important is who she loves now, and that's you.

  7. #6
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    I don't see anything weird here, OP.

    He is being neighbourly. Your girlfriend evidently doesn't see it as a big deal either.

    Are you generally quite a suspicious person? That might be the reason she wasn't forthcoming about the fact that they'd slept together in the past. She was probably concerned you'd react exactly the way you're reacting now, and inventing scenarios that thus far have no real basis in reality.

  8. #7
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    It wasn't her choice that he moved into the building.
    She doesn't care for him anymore.
    He talks to you because you are someone he sees in passing in his building. you are a neighbor.
    There is no drama. Why create it?

  9. #8
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    I think you are a making a big del about nothing. Too much overthinking. Move on from this! Your reaction is bizarre!

  10. #9

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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    I agree with loyal. Seems the weirdest thing here, really, is your obsession with this dude.

    She was initially a bit foggy about them hooking up a zillion years ago, then explained what was what, on the same day, as mature adults do. In the annals of the romantic deception, that's pretty harmless, pretty understandable.

    She didn't feel like saying, "Oh, him? We had drunken sex once years before I knew you existed." Probably because (a) that's just awkward and (b) she probably doesn't define herself by that random encounter. I'd suggest you not define her by that either, since at 34 you probably have some random collisions in your own past that you'd prefer not to be defined by and have been fortunate enough not to bump into with your girlfriend.

    He's now your neighbor. Neighbors talk. People have history. This is lifeówonderfully weird, not weird weird.

    Aside from this have you been happy in your relationship, trusting of your girlfriend?
    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    I don't see anything weird here, OP.

    He is being neighbourly. Your girlfriend evidently doesn't see it as a big deal either.

    Are you generally quite a suspicious person? That might be the reason she wasn't forthcoming about the fact that they'd slept together in the past. She was probably concerned you'd react exactly the way you're reacting now, and inventing scenarios that thus far have no real basis in reality.
    I admit that I am the jealous type. I just feel it may be a bigger reason to why she lied about it at first and downplayed it as some annoying guy that used to try and talk to her and get her number.
    I knew something wasnít right so thatís why I asked her about it again later on that night. Thatís when she told me it was a one night stand before we met.

    But what if she left out details. What if it was more than a one night stand? Iím not too concerned about that cause it was before she met me. Iím concerned if something happened between him and her 2-3 years ago, before she moved from the old neighborhood. I wonder if thatís the reason she lied at first.

    We been together 4 years. She moved 2 years ago

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Rez7
    I admit that I am the jealous type. I just feel it may be a bigger reason to why she lied about it at first and downplayed it as some annoying guy that used to try and talk to her and get her number.
    I knew something wasnít right so thatís why I asked her about it again later on that night. Thatís when she told me it was a one night stand before we met.

    But what if she left out details. What if it was more than a one night stand? Iím not too concerned about that cause it was before she met me. Iím concerned if something happened between him and her 2-3 years ago, before she moved from the old neighborhood. I wonder if thatís the reason she lied at first.

    We been together 4 years. She moved 2 years ago
    Firstly, she had no idea that the guy lived there at first. She could have not known why he was there (after all, he could have been visiting a friend, looking at something he found on craigslist, who knows). It probably would not have crossed her mind she would ever see him again there after that. So its not an old boyfriend - its a guy she hooked up with one time years ago.

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