Girlfriend ex or old friend moved to neighborhood? Why did she lie at first?

Me and my girlfriend been together for 4 years. We both 34. About two months ago when she was coming to my apartment building she ran into some guy from her old neighborhood leaving out of my building that she was sexually involved with years ago. He spoke and said how you doing and kept going about his business. At first when she told me about the guy she said he was some annoying guy that lived in her old neighborhood that always kept speaking to her and trying to get her phone number. Later on that same day I asked her about it again and ahe admitted that something did happen with them sexually but only one time. It happened years before we met she said

When she showed me the guy it wind up being the new guy that either lives in my building now or coming to see someone in my building. I’m not sure. I see the guy pretty often but not everyday. I also seen him with a baby before a few times and also seen him leaving out my building with a woman sometimes too.

Here’s where the the weird part comes into play. One day I went to the corner store and a few guys I know was in there. My girlfriend ex or whatever we going to call this guy came in the store and he happened to know one of the guys I was talking to in the store. To make a long story short we all wind up in a big conversation for about 10 minutes about random topics

A few weeks later I was coming home and I ran into the guy again that used to date my girlfriend. He spoke to me, he said what’s up and asked me how I’m doing and that’s it. Now every time he sees me he speaks. It’s just awkward because it’s someone my girlfriend had been with in the past or one night stand or whatever. I don’t know if he knows that I know him and her used to date

Here’s where it gets more weird. One day me and my girlfriend was coming in the building and we seen him. He spoke to me as usual. This was strange because I was assuming my girlfriend would ask me about me and him speaking. When we got upstairs she didn’t mention it. Instead she was laughing about some lady sitting in front of my building with a big dog.

We ran into him again another day and he spoke to me. My girlfriend still never mentioned it or asked me about it. Instead she joked about something that happened earlier in the day.

It’s been a month now and my girlfriend has yet to ask me about me and him speaking. It’s just a awkward situation for me. Has anyone been in this situation before where your boyfriend/ girlfriend ex or somebody who they had a one night stand with live or visiting your neighborhood? If so how did you deal with it?

My main concern is why did she lie about it in the first place? It makes me wonder if something happened with him and her while me and her was together. She moved from that old neighborhood 2 years ago

Honestly, I don't think any of these things are weird. I don't think she really cares too much about him and therefore doesn't want to talk about him. And it is completely normal for neighbors to talk to each other.

I think you are seeing some things that aren't necessarily there..

I agree with loyal. Seems the weirdest thing here, really, is your obsession with this dude.

She was initially a bit foggy about them hooking up a zillion years ago, then explained what was what, on the same day, as mature adults do. In the annals of the romantic deception, that's pretty harmless, pretty understandable.

She didn't feel like saying, "Oh, him? We had drunken sex once years before I knew you existed." Probably because (a) that's just awkward and (b) she probably doesn't define herself by that random encounter. I'd suggest you not define her by that either, since at 34 you probably have some random collisions in your own past that you'd prefer not to be defined by and have been fortunate enough not to bump into with your girlfriend.

He's now your neighbor. Neighbors talk. People have history. This is life—wonderfully weird, not weird weird.

Aside from this have you been happy in your relationship, trusting of your girlfriend?

Best guess is that your gf knows you well and knows that you are going to get all kinds of weird about this guy, so she tried what many people will try in this situation - avoid conflict as best she could.

Your weird obsession is proving her 100% correct in trying to avoid this situation. He has moved on, clearly in a relationship with someone else, your gf doesn't care about him. The only person who is being weird af is just you. Creating a mountain out of nothing and then what? You want to die on an imaginary mountain you built yourself? Weirdly self destructive you are.

You have to stop worrying about something that does not matter. What's important is who she loves now, and that's you.

I don't see anything weird here, OP.

He is being neighbourly. Your girlfriend evidently doesn't see it as a big deal either.

Are you generally quite a suspicious person? That might be the reason she wasn't forthcoming about the fact that they'd slept together in the past. She was probably concerned you'd react exactly the way you're reacting now, and inventing scenarios that thus far have no real basis in reality.

It wasn't her choice that he moved into the building.

She doesn't care for him anymore.

He talks to you because you are someone he sees in passing in his building. you are a neighbor.

There is no drama. Why create it?

I think you are a making a big del about nothing. Too much overthinking. Move on from this! Your reaction is bizarre!

I agree with loyal. Seems the weirdest thing here, really, is your obsession with this dude.

 

She was initially a bit foggy about them hooking up a zillion years ago, then explained what was what, on the same day, as mature adults do. In the annals of the romantic deception, that's pretty harmless, pretty understandable.

 

She didn't feel like saying, "Oh, him? We had drunken sex once years before I knew you existed." Probably because (a) that's just awkward and (b) she probably doesn't define herself by that random encounter. I'd suggest you not define her by that either, since at 34 you probably have some random collisions in your own past that you'd prefer not to be defined by and have been fortunate enough not to bump into with your girlfriend.

 

He's now your neighbor. Neighbors talk. People have history. This is life—wonderfully weird, not weird weird.

 

Aside from this have you been happy in your relationship, trusting of your girlfriend?

I don't see anything weird here, OP.

 

He is being neighbourly. Your girlfriend evidently doesn't see it as a big deal either.

 

Are you generally quite a suspicious person? That might be the reason she wasn't forthcoming about the fact that they'd slept together in the past. She was probably concerned you'd react exactly the way you're reacting now, and inventing scenarios that thus far have no real basis in reality.

I admit that I am the jealous type. I just feel it may be a bigger reason to why she lied about it at first and downplayed it as some annoying guy that used to try and talk to her and get her number.

I knew something wasn’t right so that’s why I asked her about it again later on that night. That’s when she told me it was a one night stand before we met.

But what if she left out details. What if it was more than a one night stand? I’m not too concerned about that cause it was before she met me. I’m concerned if something happened between him and her 2-3 years ago, before she moved from the old neighborhood. I wonder if that’s the reason she lied at first.

We been together 4 years. She moved 2 years ago

I admit that I am the jealous type. I just feel it may be a bigger reason to why she lied about it at first and downplayed it as some annoying guy that used to try and talk to her and get her number.

I knew something wasn’t right so that’s why I asked her about it again later on that night. That’s when she told me it was a one night stand before we met.

 

But what if she left out details. What if it was more than a one night stand? I’m not too concerned about that cause it was before she met me. I’m concerned if something happened between him and her 2-3 years ago, before she moved from the old neighborhood. I wonder if that’s the reason she lied at first.

 

We been together 4 years. She moved 2 years ago

Firstly, she had no idea that the guy lived there at first. She could have not known why he was there (after all, he could have been visiting a friend, looking at something he found on craigslist, who knows). It probably would not have crossed her mind she would ever see him again there after that. So its not an old boyfriend - its a guy she hooked up with one time years ago.

Well, I'd use this little moment to remember that being a jealous type doesn't do anyone any favors in romance—not you, not her, not you two together. If you know you're a jealous type, odds are she does too, which is a much more likely explanation of her hedging on the facts than your paranoid read that, who knows, maybe she cheated before you lived together and (gulp!) he moved to this hood to be closer to her.

Time to get a grip on this, so you stop gripping onto her and can just be with her. You've been together 4 years, living together the past two—lean into that, not this paranoid thinking. It's an awkward thing to run into someone you slept with randomly, especially awkward when you're with your partner, and really, really awkward when you're partner is prone to possessive, apocalyptic thinking. See all that for what it is, exhale, and move on.

Ethically, since she hasn't formed a present-day friendship with him, she did not have to tell you about their past history. If they were texting each other and hanging out, that would be a whole different story. Since she has been faithful to you during the last 4 years (because secrets usually come out, and none have), you should assume the best of her that she at first felt it unwise to tell you about a youthful fling, and then figured you wouldn't give up since you pressed her, and she stupidly gave in.

If you don't rein in your unwarranted jealousy and suspicions, it will be the end for you and your girlfriend if she has a healthy self-esteem and gets tired of your nonsense.

I admit that I am the jealous type. I just feel it may be a bigger reason to why she lied about it at first and downplayed it as some annoying guy that used to try and talk to her and get her number.

I knew something wasn’t right so that’s why I asked her about it again later on that night. That’s when she told me it was a one night stand before we met.

 

But what if she left out details. What if it was more than a one night stand? I’m not too concerned about that cause it was before she met me. I’m concerned if something happened between him and her 2-3 years ago, before she moved from the old neighborhood. I wonder if that’s the reason she lied at first.

 

We been together 4 years. She moved 2 years ago

Who cares. You should be addressing your anxieties and insecurities. I wouldn't want to deal with this in a relationship. Have you considered counseling to address YOUR issues?

Why don't you trust your girlfriend, OP?

That is the real issue here. Not this random guy.

Apparently, he's not a big deal to her. Certainly not as much of a big deal as he is to you. She doesn't care about him that's why she doesn't bring him up.