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Thread: Having a tough time reading the situation?

  1. #1
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    Having a tough time reading the situation?

    So the story. I met this girl working together on a project in college about a year back, she graduated a semester earlier than me and left the country for what was supposed to be about two years but ended up only being about a year. While we worked on the project I started developing in innocent little crush on her despite being in a long term relationship at the time, I would never act on it and I knew she was leaving so it never really mattered anyway. During the time of the project we had texted a few times outside of the group chat about school stuff with her with both of us initiating the conversations. She eventually stopped responding and I've never been someone who fires off a second text when the other person stops responding, especially when I know they have seen the message. Cut to six months later, I have now graduated and I reached out to her about her foreign travels and we talked for a bit and I learn she had fallen head over heels for a guy, which was fine since I was still in a relationship. We talked for a few days and then she eventually stopped responding. This is where I thought the story ended.

    Now another 6 months have passed and my relationship had ended. I posted about it on social media and I almost instantly get a long message from her reaching out telling me if I ever need someone to talk to or rant to that she is there and always available, and that she went through a tough breakup and knows what it's like. I knew she had come back from her trip several months ago and knew she had a breakup after dating that guy for about a year. Lots of friends reached out to me but hers stood out as it was much longer than what anybody else sent and it was so quick after my post. So I talked to her a bit about my breakup and her's and eventually once again she stopped responding. I eventually decided to tell her I had a crush on her back when we worked on the project and she said she also had a crush on me. I then sent a response to continue the conversation but then nothing back. From our conversation before I knew she had really struggled with the breakup and was still struggling with it to an extent and she didn't know if she was ready for something new yet. I recently got out of something too but have been recovering surprisingly quick from it and despite not being all the way 100% over it yet, and i'm excited to meet and try to start dating new people.

    I don't know how to read any of that. I feel like she isn't in to me but also I hadn't talked to her in 6 months when she reached out and we were never really that close, so she wouldn't feel like she needed to after my breakup. Also when I told her about my crush on her, she didn't need to respond or tell me that she also did back when we were working together. I'm curious if i'm not reading things correctly, and i'm also wondering if I should fire off one last text saying i'm still in to her and would like to peruse something with her. However, i'm also fine completely dropping it which is where i'm leaning now.

  2. #2
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Is she still living far away from you?

  3. #3
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    Originally Posted by SarahLancaster
    Is she still living far away from you?
    To my knowledge she is living in the same state as me in a neighboring city

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Delete the breakup chronicle and post from social media immediately. Never inflict your breakup and ex woes on someone you hope to date. Don't play the wounded care or pity card. Women will simple put you in the 'not over his ex" basket and dismiss you.

    In the meantime delete and block your exgf and all her people from all your social media and messaging apps.

    Discuss any break up issues privately and confidentially with trusted friends and family and in moderation. If you need to rant, go on about it too much, etc consider short term therapy to sort it out.
    Originally Posted by theostix
    my relationship had ended. I posted about it on social media


    I talked to her a bit about my breakup and her's and eventually once again she stopped responding.

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  6. #5
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    You guys started out as coworkers/friends, but she's not a real friend, she stops texting you. In that situation, I would think she would have to be capable of being your friend first. A relationship is a friendship on fire.

  7. #6
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    I would think it is one of two things:

    1. She stops texting because she is tired of waiting for you to ask her out.
    2. She stops texting because she is no longer interested.

    Either way, there is an easy way to find out. Ask her on a date. What is the worst that can happen?

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by theostix

    I don't know how to read any of that. I feel like she isn't in to me but also I hadn't talked to her in 6 months when she reached out and we were never really that close, so she wouldn't feel like she needed to after my breakup. Also when I told her about my crush on her, she didn't need to respond or tell me that she also did back when we were working together. I'm curious if i'm not reading things correctly, and i'm also wondering if I should fire off one last text saying i'm still in to her and would like to peruse something with her. However, i'm also fine completely dropping it which is where i'm leaning now.
    Read it as, mixed signals = mixed emotions. I've never heard of or witnessed a case of mixed signals working out. I generally treat mixed signals as non-interest, the result is always the same. I agree, your best call is completely dropping it.


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