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Thread: I'm terrified...

  1. #1
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    I'm terrified...

    I am 61 and my son is 26, I have been apart from his mother for 25 years... She has been with another partner for that amount of time. She has a child with him.. as well he has one from a prior marriage. We shared our son week to week for 19 years from when he was 2 yrs old. She suddenly moved out of state 7 yrs ago which devastated my son. I have always been his rock. His strength and stability. He has some learning issues as well as having Central Auditory Processing Disorder. He is currently working in manufacturing at Toyota and doing quite well. Has a college education... Is still living with me and saving for a house. The problem is I do everything for him and always have. Through all my pointing out his ways he still doesnt change. Have been told that this is part of having this disorder... But it has been so draining on me. 25 years of living my life and his. Double duty and I am 61. Well he went out of state to visit his mom 2 weeks ago for a week.. When he came back, I took off on a quick 4 day vacae...I came back Thursday, and with an hour the babysitting ritual began all over.... Things escalated and it got physical for the first time. A punch or 2 thrown... a couple of slaps and a shove. But I am devastated... I crossed a line. I am not that kind of guy .. Was raised in a loving family.. Mom and dad married 58 years.. It is not me... I just lost it.. I have been telling him for 2 years that I cant continue to look after him and do everything and check up to make sure he is doing everything he needs to do in life on a daily basis. I love him to death.. We are best friends.. Im afraid something has changed.. I have apologized profusely for 4 days.... Bought him a loving card... But I feel empty inside, I feel like his mom abandoned him.... he feels the same way... I have had him in counselling and he has been put on meds for depression do to the things he witnessed in her house as well as bullying in school. I am his rock and now I feel like I have let him down.

  2. #2
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    Why did this resort to violence?

  3. #3
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    You did let him down, but you've suffered for it, and now it's time to move on.

    You say he holds down a job and is doing well and that he managed to get a college education. What, then, are his limitations? What are you having to do for him that he can't do for himself?

  4. #4
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    Threats on his part.. He has anger issues.. and always issues threats and I had had enough of hearing them... It was wrong and I know now.. I just feel like I can go on with things the way they are.. i am drained.. have been mom and dad and picking up pieces for 25 years...

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  6. #5
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Maybe it's time to put him out on his own? Get him into anger management classes and perhaps help pay for a studio apartment for him.

  7. #6
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    What are his threats?

    You were able to go on vacation and he was fine by himself, so what is the hesitation with him moving out? Does that come from you or him?

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by loyal
    What are his threats?

    You were able to go on vacation and he was fine by himself, so what is the hesitation with him moving out? Does that come from you or him?
    Yes. I do not understand why he cannot be on his own?

  9. #8
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    He wants to own and not rent.. I get that and am letting him stay while he saves.. He didnt cook while I was gone for fear of leaving the burners on.. He had a lot of anger issues a few years agao.. wanted to go join the army to fight ISIS.. then wanted to join ISIS.. all said out of anger.. I got him into anger management and counselling.. He is better now.. But he always throws those things out when he is agitated.. He has always wanted to start his own business. So I said that to him Thursday night.. What happened to you starting all of these businesses.. and he said alright I will but if I fail I am taking everyone down with me.. Well I lost it.. I know it was wrong...

  10. #9
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    What about a PSW? Or a disability worker?

  11. #10
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Not to let you off for being violent... there is no excuse for it.... but you need some respite.

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