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Thread: I'm terrified...

  1. #11
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    I hope he doesn't have access to weapons.

    He sounds like a budding psychopath. You need to get him some serious professional help and soon.

  2. #12
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    Well he says all of the time.. that he can do these things.. but doesnt.. no focus.. memory.. Sometimes I think he just uses me and other times I think he truly cant help it.. I am more concerned about repairing this relationship... He says thiongs are fine.. We have been out for dinner.. House hunting.. I think it is more me having let him down.. and what his opinion of me is now.. I dont want him to think that way.. It was a one off..

  3. #13
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    That's nice...

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by gary1958
    He wants to own and not rent.. I get that and am letting him stay while he saves.. He didnt cook while I was gone for fear of leaving the burners on.. He had a lot of anger issues a few years agao.. wanted to go join the army to fight ISIS.. then wanted to join ISIS.. all said out of anger.. I got him into anger management and counselling.. He is better now.. But he always throws those things out when he is agitated.. He has always wanted to start his own business. So I said that to him Thursday night.. What happened to you starting all of these businesses.. and he said alright I will but if I fail I am taking everyone down with me.. Well I lost it.. I know it was wrong...
    Have you considered a therapeutic living environment? It almost sounds like he might not have the stability to be on his own and could benefit from some inpatient therapy. That is not an easy decision to make, however, and it is probably one that would cause him to react quite badly. Do you know if he is taking any non-perscribed medications or drinking alcohol?

    You are in a very tough spot. I very much admire your commitment to your son! You have taken good care of him; don't be hard on yourself! There comes a time when everyone needs a break. You are at that time.

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  6. #15
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    I agree it is inexcusable but I have felt that way for a while.. that it cant carry on this way..

  7. #16
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Maybe get him into a disability living centre.
    Originally Posted by gary1958
    I agree it is inexcusable but I have felt that way for a while.. that it cant carry on this way..

  8. #17
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    Thank you and no he does not drink or smoke or do drugs.. He is a great kid.. I remember when I was young .... Still living at home.. Mom did everything and I let her.. They were all worried about me.. I moved out and turned into a neat freak.. paid my bills.. everything turned out fine..

  9. #18
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Gary, maybe it's time you get some personal counselling too? It sounds as though you've been carrying a heavy load for far too long now.

    You being abandoned by your ex, being a single dad, and your son having disabilities...it's a lot. And maybe if you went to a therapist to help unload some of that stress, it wouldn't feel so overwhelming.

    It's great that your son has hopes and dreams, but him owning his own house sounds like it's not realistic. He sounds more suited for a group home to be honest.
    Or at the very least, a carer who will watch him 24/7 in how own home.

    Perhaps he could benefit from more anger management as well. He does not sound in the best place and it can't keep landing on your shoulders.

    Stop beating yourself up, you've been a good dad. But you're human.
    He is a grown man now and he can seriously hurt someone. He can't be threatening everytime he gets mad or upset.
    But you as well have to be the reasonable one and walk away if it escalates to a place where you feel punches will be thrown again.

    Violence is never the answer and is never okay.

    Consider all of these things, take a deep breath and forgive yourself.

  10. #19
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I do understand life is challenging . My adult son has disabilities and he lives at home.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    So he didn't cook, big deal. Lots of people don't cook. He managed at his mother's and on his own while you vacationed, so those are his other options.

    Being a helicopter parent never does adult oppspring any favors. It causes resentment and stunts growth. So what's the upside of knocking yourself out to compensate for your own insecurities?

    The role of a parent is to teach both roots and wings. The roots are never the hard part. While everyone would 'prefer' to own rather than rent, life on our own is the best teacher of the life skills necessary to manage one's own property. Help him to find a place, subsidize his move directly to the landlord, then decrease your subsidy by a percentage until he's paying on his own. Invite him to Sunday brunch and to use your washer and dryer, and stop playing the martyred doormat.

    Consider getting anger counseling for your own head.

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