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Thread: Possible relationship conflict

  1. #1

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    Possible relationship conflict

    Hi I am 34 years old and female. I am in a relationship with a 42 year old guy but there is a 37 year old guy at work that I think likes me, I can't be completely sure?

    So he and I worked together for 15 months (I wasn't meant to be there for that long) but I liked working there and they liked me working there. He keeps to himself most of the time but there were times when he and I were alone and we would chat about things outside of work that he didn't really do with anyone else.

    He took me off for a talk the day after I had a "confidence crisis" and he was really supportive and positive, which I have been told he doesn't do with anyone else. Anything regarding my performance with them he would suddenly light up and come over really happy (I have been told he hasn't been in the best of moods for no one remembers how long) He would sit very close to me, legs apart and almost touching as well, and he would hold open doors for me, pick up something that fell off my chair and give it to me, etc.

    I went to the department's Christmas party the year just gone (I had only just left but I was invited to it anyway) and it started off at this guy's house. As I passed in front of him I caught him out of the corner of my eye moving his gaze down the back of my dress (it wasn't backless but you could see my shoulder blades and the top of my back) and he didn't move away or back away despite there being enough clearance for him to do so.

    As I chatted to one of the guys I used to work with I noticed the guy in question watching us both very intently and when I said something to him he got slightly abrupt with me. (he is quite a direct person anyway so I presumed how he spoke was just the way he is)

    About a month later he acknowledged me in passing and the second time we passed that same day I noticed him look at my legs and butt before looking back up at my eyes and grinning widely. I quickly looked away at the floor and smiled coyly.

    I have spoken to the others on my old team and there have been about two or three occasions where this guy would hover about nearby (there is a water fountain on our floor) and watch me intently when I am chatting to them. When he approaches me (not to talk) he glances at me and one occasion I caught him looking at my back and then touching his face, another time he chats to someone else but turns and looks straight ahead at me.

    Every time he comes nearby I come over all tense and my legs start to shake after I go somewhere else to calm down. I shouldn't have to do this because I like him as a friend and he doesn't talk to anyone else the way he has done with me. I am aware he lives on his own and by the looks of things has a very small social circle (I believe with just guys from work, I could be wrong).

    Because of the times he's been checking me this has made me on edge, I guess?

    I just don't know how to play this, really. Any advice would be appreciated, it's messing with my head!

    Thanks :)

  2. #2
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    Originally Posted by Amber850
    Hi I am 34 years old and female. I am in a relationship with a 42 year old guy but there is a 37 year old guy at work that I think likes me, I can't be completely sure?

    So he and I worked together for 15 months (I wasn't meant to be there for that long) but I liked working there and they liked me working there. He keeps to himself most of the time but there were times when he and I were alone and we would chat about things outside of work that he didn't really do with anyone else.

    He took me off for a talk the day after I had a "confidence crisis" and he was really supportive and positive, which I have been told he doesn't do with anyone else. Anything regarding my performance with them he would suddenly light up and come over really happy (I have been told he hasn't been in the best of moods for no one remembers how long) He would sit very close to me, legs apart and almost touching as well, and he would hold open doors for me, pick up something that fell off my chair and give it to me, etc.

    I went to the department's Christmas party the year just gone (I had only just left but I was invited to it anyway) and it started off at this guy's house. As I passed in front of him I caught him out of the corner of my eye moving his gaze down the back of my dress (it wasn't backless but you could see my shoulder blades and the top of my back) and he didn't move away or back away despite there being enough clearance for him to do so.

    As I chatted to one of the guys I used to work with I noticed the guy in question watching us both very intently and when I said something to him he got slightly abrupt with me. (he is quite a direct person anyway so I presumed how he spoke was just the way he is)

    About a month later he acknowledged me in passing and the second time we passed that same day I noticed him look at my legs and butt before looking back up at my eyes and grinning widely. I quickly looked away at the floor and smiled coyly.

    I have spoken to the others on my old team and there have been about two or three occasions where this guy would hover about nearby (there is a water fountain on our floor) and watch me intently when I am chatting to them. When he approaches me (not to talk) he glances at me and one occasion I caught him looking at my back and then touching his face, another time he chats to someone else but turns and looks straight ahead at me.

    Every time he comes nearby I come over all tense and my legs start to shake after I go somewhere else to calm down. I shouldn't have to do this because I like him as a friend and he doesn't talk to anyone else the way he has done with me. I am aware he lives on his own and by the looks of things has a very small social circle (I believe with just guys from work, I could be wrong).

    Because of the times he's been checking me this has made me on edge, I guess?

    I just don't know how to play this, really. Any advice would be appreciated, it's messing with my head!

    Thanks :)
    It sounds like you might enjoy the attention!

    Are you wanting things to progress? Or are you wanting him to stop?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Always finish your old business before starting something new. If you set the new guy up first with the goal of leapfrogging over to him, he'll get a front row seat to witness your capacity for disloyalty. So even if he 'wins,' it will occur to him that you're not exactly trustworthy, and that relationship will lay a toxic egg.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    You've got a boyfriend, you shouldn't be noticing any man noticing you like this or encouraging it.

    You should stop being friendly, tell him to back off and that would be the end of it.

    However, if you are enjoying it, break up with your boyfriend first before you start looking at another man or taking this much interest.

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  6. #5
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    You seem to be paying a lot of attention to what this guy is doing and some of it sounds to me like a colleague just being polite. If you were happy with your boyfriend I don't think you'd notice this other guy supposedly checking you out or if you did, you wouldn't care.

  7. #6
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    Does the office guy know you're in a relationship?

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by Amber850
    Every time he comes nearby I come over all tense and my legs start to shake after I go somewhere else to calm down. I shouldn't have to do this because I like him as a friend and he doesn't talk to anyone else the way he has done with me. I am aware he lives on his own and by the looks of things has a very small social circle (I believe with just guys from work, I could be wrong).
    Girl, come on. It's obvious you have a crush on him, too.

    Finding someone attractive is one thing. But asking how to "play this" is something entirely different. So long as you have a boyfriend, there is nothing to "play."

  9. #8
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    Who cares if he likes you or not - you are in a relationship. Or are you someone where you just let things happen to you in life? He also might not like you in that way - is just being friendly he just likes you as a person/coworker and looked at your legs because you had toilet paper stuck to them, crazy shoes or he just wasn't aware he was doing it -- just because he notices someone's rear doesn't mean he wants their bod.

    What about your relationship is making you think about straying?

  10. #9
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    Make a choice first about your current relationship. Do you want to stay committed to him. If so stop playing with fire. If the benefits of getting this guys attention on your various body parts and flirting with you excites you more than being with your boyfriend then end things with your boyfriend so you are free to pursue this other guy. That way there’s no playing involved just direct reactions to this guy’s seeming attraction to you. Of course just because he’s checking you out doesn’t mean he wants to date you.

  11. #10
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    I think you need to confront your current relationship. Something isn’t right if you’re picking up such detail about the other guy and the way he acts around you. Time to be honest with yourself and fair to your current boyfriend.

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