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Thread: Advice needed. Not sure where to post this? Has anyone had a similar situation?

  1. #71
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    Honestly, the monthly payment is basically translation for monthly contact.
    It makes me second guess the both of you. . Sorry, but true.
    I second all of that.

    Chloe, I don't believe you're serious about cutting things off with him. I think doing the smart thing and seeking legal counsel before handing over money is too much for you, emotionally, because that would mean you really lose all ties to him. So you give yourself this excuse to keep the door open, permission to not end it all for good.

    You're taking a ridiculous risk here. Don't come back and say we didn't warn you.

  2. #72
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    I don't know. She doesn't have to have 'contact' with him by putting a check in the mail.

  3. #73
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    Chloe... As I stated in your previous thread, this is more about your refusal to let go. As long as you keep the fire burning, you're going to come up with excuse after excuse to remain on his radar.

    The state of denial is a temporary fix, until reality sets in. It's time to think...

  4. #74
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    It makes me second guess the both of you. Sorry, but true.
    Ditto.

    I sat this thread out, and here's why: I think this is a teen soap that Chloe is writing as a horror movie or psychological thriller, and I fear that we here are helping out with the lighting and special effects as much as we're helping in the ways intended.

    I'm sorry to be frank, because I know your discomfort and confusion is real, that the swirl of feelings is overwhelming, and I do feel for you. Sucks when we slip on a romantic banana peel and find ourselves in quicksand. But zoom out just a few inches and this is a lot of small potatoes being painted as big potatoes, and the theme of it all is the same mutual thirst for drama that has fueled this whole thing, from Point A to Point Today.

    There is a line, not even so fine, between harassment and annoyance. An ex who b*tches about an Instagram post and sends an annoying text while drunk? That's two annoying moments, pretty run-of-the-mill in the global history of breakups, and not exactly a steady stream of lunacy. Someone who takes you on a trip, and asks you for some money twice—not a hundred times, but two times—when his ego is bruised? Annoying, not harassing. Given that it took him less than 24 hours to simmer down last time, odds are he would have simmered down this one. A month without posting so much on social media, a little diligence in avoiding certain bars and restaurants, and, presto, this whole thing is done. And were it genuinely escalate to anything scary or against the law—that is why big, civilized cities like London have a police force.

    Flies are annoying. Little boys who cry sandboxes when their toy truck is taken from them are annoying. Ignore them, wait them out, and they go away; indulge them and they keep buzzing around your face, wailing in the sand.

    But, alas, here you are. Payment plan initiated—fine. You walk away, eventually, with a clear conscience while getting a bit more of the drama. Just know—and I mean know this, so it's not mysterious when it happens—that there are a few more jabs on that walk. He's going to say something mean to you. He's going to say something to a friend. He's going to get drunk and find a way to text you. And, here and there, you're going to kind of hate that some small part of you is attracted to it, and gets a kick out of it.

    But if you can just see all that it loses its power. It becomes an episode you've seen before, and the eyelids get heavy where they once opened wide.

  5.  

  6. #75
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    So.. this is post number 3? In a week about how distressed you are about him contacting you even though he’s blocked and all ‘his’ drama,. the last one was like a day ago...

    Are you ready to admit you’ve been poking at him?

    Since you didn’t want to leave all this alone, now you have actual drama instead of the drama you were creating. Good lord pay him back and start to move on.

    This is only drama if you make it and you seemed determined, well now it’s here....if you owe someone, no matter how much they make you owe them, me personally I’d borrow the money just to get it done and over with but call me crazy, I feel like this is just what you needed to keep yourself latched to the toxic train...

  7. #76
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    The responses I’ve had that suggest I’m doing this because I want to stay attached to him some way are completely false.

    I don’t think those who responded to this realise how badly I want to be done with this hence me paying as much as I can afford. I want to ESCAPE this whole situation. Even his name in my email inbox gives me a horrible overwhelming feeling of anxiety, dread and upset.

    I have set up the 3 payments from tomorrow and then will be blocking him from emailing me. He will not like this and may get mad, but at least I cannot be scared of what I cannot see.

    He has sent me one more email this evening asking when It will be done and the amount. I am not engaging as he is looking for further arguments or a response due to the way he worded it.

    I just want out and for my mental health to be restored.

  8. #77
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Good for you. Keep on not engaging him.

  9. #78
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    Thank you. This will also not enable him to label me with any ‘gold digger’ tag or worse. I feel strangely positive about doing it.

  10. #79
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Chloej123
    Thank you. This will also not enable him to label me with any ‘gold digger’ tag or worse. I feel strangely positive about doing it.
    Nobody cares what he thinks.
    Those that care about you don't.

  11. #80
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    Again he thinks too much of himself. Who cares what he says about you.

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