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Thread: Do Narcs always return? Need advice.

  1. #21
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2017
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    2,815
    OP, you are asking the wrong question.

    The question isn't "do narcs return?"

    The million dollar question for you is.......why? What is it in you, your childhood, someone from your past......why? are you allowing this?

    This is something that's really terrific to work out with a therapist.

    Find a therapist who is skilled at healing deep childhood trauma. Not necessarily physical trauma, but emotional, where everything might look happy and wonderful on the outside.

    I have pages of a thread very similar to yours, with an ex very similar to yours. Kept coming back, kept contacting, blah blah blah. In the 2 years since that breakup, there's been much therapy and work that I've been through, and I was finally able to uncover the trauma, the reason, that this was so compelling to me.

    It's easy to say "Block him!!" "Delete!!!" "Stop letting him!!", but it's almost impossible, until you get to the root.

    Funny enough, this all made sense to me in the strangest way: I had to pull weeds on the side of my house, as I realized one day that the lawn guys are simply trimming them, and I was tired of them, so I spent a day pulling them out.....by the roots. There was this immense satisfaction, that finally.....finally!! these stupid weeds wouldn't grow back. And now, as new ones grow, I pull them before they get too big. We have to get to the root of this to make any changes.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,391
    Originally Posted by LHGirl
    OP, you are asking the wrong question.

    The question isn't "do narcs return?"

    The million dollar question for you is.......why? What is it in you, your childhood, someone from your past......why? are you allowing this?

    This is something that's really terrific to work out with a therapist.

    Find a therapist who is skilled at healing deep childhood trauma. Not necessarily physical trauma, but emotional, where everything might look happy and wonderful on the outside.

    I have pages of a thread very similar to yours, with an ex very similar to yours. Kept coming back, kept contacting, blah blah blah. In the 2 years since that breakup, there's been much therapy and work that I've been through, and I was finally able to uncover the trauma, the reason, that this was so compelling to me.

    It's easy to say "Block him!!" "Delete!!!" "Stop letting him!!", but it's almost impossible, until you get to the root.

    Funny enough, this all made sense to me in the strangest way: I had to pull weeds on the side of my house, as I realized one day that the lawn guys are simply trimming them, and I was tired of them, so I spent a day pulling them out.....by the roots. There was this immense satisfaction, that finally.....finally!! these stupid weeds wouldn't grow back. And now, as new ones grow, I pull them before they get too big. We have to get to the root of this to make any changes.
    I like the analogy of the ex and the weed.

    Sadly, I do not think the OP has any intention of helping herself. She enjoys the drama and chaos.

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