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Thread: Do Narcs always return? Need advice.

  1. #11
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    Why haven't you blocked him? Why do YOU allow this? I guess you like him come back, even though you call him a sociopath and narcissist
    Last edited by Hollyj; 07-29-2019 at 06:23 PM.

  2. #12
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    What is it about him that you find so very compelling and wonderful?

  3. #13
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Why haven't you blocked him? Why do YOU allow this? I guess you like him come back, even though you call him a sociopath and narcissist
    At its core, thats actually what she asks each time.

    Within their on again off again toxic relationship the off period causes the OPer extreme anxiety, maybe abandomnent issues sprinkled in there? So I think, she searches out all these buzz words to soothe her until he comes back again.

    She never actually intends to leave him, and she never actually does. Notice in every post the core question she ALWAYS asks, 'will he come back?' thats her true concern, nothing else.

    Its truly unfortunate since this has become abusive. I have reached out to her in the past, hoping to offer her some help, she dropped off the map, Im assuming because they were back 'on' again. Its a vicious cycle indeed, but one she will most likely stick with for a while, which is very very very dangerous if hes becoming abusive, but as someone whos lived that life, I can say until she is truly ready, or he dumps her for good, or someone God forbid gets hurt, this cycle will continue. Just promise you wont bring children into this Keely...

  4. #14
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    It was.

    This has happened to me so many times with my narcissistic ex and it's still happening.

    He wants to know that you can fall back onto you whenever he wants, he wants you to be an option and he'll play with your head to do it. This feeds his ego.

    Here's how it goes:

    He ignores you during the day. He doesn't think about you or consider you in any parts of his everyday life but at night, when he's all alone with his thoughts and he has to sit with the fact he's alone he feels sorry for himself.

    What does he do to when he feels sorry for himself? He messages you because your availability to still discuss your relationship with him gives him the safety he's looking for. I want to be brutal here, he does not CARE about how things ended because a naracistic person lacks that ability so they mimick sympathy: they say something that will pull you in or give him enough of an idea to see that you're still interested in entertaining conversation about your break up. He is playing a mind game with you.

    When he's cold at night he knows you're always open to reconciliation and conversation. It doesnt matter what you guys talk about, he just wants to know that you'll take time out of your day to entertain him.

    Keely, you need to gather all your integrity and faith in REAL and HEALTHY love and end his fantasy. You need to be stern and break that ego. I told my ex that he was a sick human being, he was sad, he was manipulative and our break up was my ultimate blessing. All true. After that, he left me alone because he knew I was living my life and not waiting for him. ...he never bothered me again after that. It's been at least 6 weeks.


    You need to close him out of your life, you need to set your accounts to private, you need to block...Basically, you need to take control of who has access to you and your life.

    If you don't, he will have you on speed dial forever. He will continue to disrespect you. He will know he always has access to you if he wants it.

    A sick person like this is cancer. You're options: You can slowly heal the cancer but it still might come back and it still might make your life painful or difficult while you're trying to heal. That being said, you need to CUT the cancer out at it's source

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  6. #15
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    To answer you're initial question:

    Narcs do this because they can and they don't have the capacity to feel bad about it. Normal human beings don't play mind games like this. They don't go around checking on people they've burned just to see if they still have power over the person.

    Normal people don't go around dumping people just to sit them on the back burner in case they dont find anyone else... they won't. You most definitely have the upper hand, his ways will turn off a lot of sane women and he'll eventually meet some equally naracistic chick to play with.

    Nonetheless, you need to stay away from people like this. He likes games. He will attract an equally narcissistic person and they will play games with each other until they're blue in the face.

  7. #16
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    I have heard there is no real “final discard” and no matter what BS they feed you they will always return. Thoughts?

  8. #17
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by keelyflood
    I have heard there is no real “final discard” and no matter what BS they feed you they will always return. Thoughts?
    Wow...talk about proving my point...

    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    At its core, thats actually what she asks each time.

    Within their on again off again toxic relationship the off period causes the OPer extreme anxiety, maybe abandomnent issues sprinkled in there? So I think, she searches out all these buzz words to soothe her until he comes back again.

    She never actually intends to leave him, and she never actually does. Notice in every post the core question she ALWAYS asks, 'will he come back?' thats her true concern, nothing else.

    Its truly unfortunate since this has become abusive. I have reached out to her in the past, hoping to offer her some help, she dropped off the map, Im assuming because they were back 'on' again. Its a vicious cycle indeed, but one she will most likely stick with for a while, which is very very very dangerous if hes becoming abusive, but as someone whos lived that life, I can say until she is truly ready, or he dumps her for good, or someone God forbid gets hurt, this cycle will continue. Just promise you wont bring children into this Keely...
    Keely, he will be back, he always does, until then...I dont know...read a book, go for a walk, maybe actually seek professional help so you can finally stop all this.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It sounds like you are desperate to continue this game with him. Give him a call and he may take you back or you'll just have to wait until he gets tired of whoever else there is, gets lonely or bored or randy and then he'll probably call you again.
    Originally Posted by keelyflood
    I have heard there is no real “final discard” and no matter what BS they feed you they will always return. Thoughts?

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by keelyflood
    I have heard there is no real “final discard” and no matter what BS they feed you they will always return. Thoughts?
    You didn't answer my question (or anyone else's )...what about him and this situation do you find so wonderful that you want it to continue?

  11. #20
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by rchubn
    To answer you're initial question:

    Narcs do this because they can and they don't have the capacity to feel bad about it. Normal human beings don't play mind games like this. They don't go around checking on people they've burned just to see if they still have power over the person.

    Normal people don't go around dumping people just to sit them on the back burner in case they dont find anyone else... they won't. You most definitely have the upper hand, his ways will turn off a lot of sane women and he'll eventually meet some equally naracistic chick to play with.

    Nonetheless, you need to stay away from people like this. He likes games. He will attract an equally narcissistic person and they will play games with each other until they're blue in the face.
    What? Yes they do. Plenty of men and women completely ‘sane’ check on exes to feed their egos, plenty of ‘sane’ men and women in on again off again relationships, emotionally healthy? Probably not, but sane nonetheless.

    Seriously, I must say, Shane on you for villainizing mental illness, so you and people like the OPer can justify their own emotional dysfunctions. Get off Dr. Google, pull up your big girl panties and figure out how to end the cycle. Both of you, the OPer is being physically abused at this point, RB you say you’re emotionally abused, don’t you think your times better spend at getting distance and sitting with someone to figure out what made you susceptible to these types of men?

    Trust me there are two types of scenarios for abusers.

    Girl 1 - oh my god girl, this loser I went on a date with last night tried to order for me, and said he could really see a future with me, what a load right? I couldn’t leave fast enough! Take that love bombing bull somewhere else haha.

    Girl 2 - oh my God girl I think I found the one, he said he felt the same after one date! I have been desperate to find someone and he said he sees a future with me, he even took control and ordered my food, wow, this must be it.

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