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Thread: I think she might like me... but the uncertainty is killing me. Advice welcomed!

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It would be a mistake to get this anxious and pounce by jumping into asking her out right away. Don't hit on her, that's the danger zone in a work place. Get to know her first. You have a serious crush on her and are building up a lot of stuff in your head. Stop reading online stuff about cold approaching women, hitting on women, etc. She's a coworker and you need to tread lightly. Your intense crush, impatience, anxiety and fantasizing are driving you in circles and your mind is spinning off into all sorts of scenarios. Relax and be professional first and foremost.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    It would be a mistake to get this anxious and pounce by jumping into asking her out right away. Don't hit on her, that's the danger zone in a work place. Get to know her first. You have a serious crush on her and are building up a lot of stuff in your head. Stop reading online stuff about cold approaching women, hitting on women, etc. She's a coworker and you need to tread lightly. Your intense crush, impatience, anxiety and fantasizing are driving you in circles and your mind is spinning off into all sorts of scenarios. Relax and be professional first and foremost.
    The one thing I'm certain about is that I'm overthinking this. I don't know if anything will calm me down enough to deal with these situations apart from therapy or medication, honestly.

  3. #13
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    She's a stranger so no need to be describing her with so many adjectives lol you don't even know her. Give it a few months before you gush like that. That shows idealism and immaturity. Just cos she's pretty, it's like you're associating positive traits to her without actually knowing her. Slow downnnn.

  4. #14
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    Lol, she is pretty special. Its more that she (seems to be) all those things and has also decided to give me the time of day when there's no ulterior motive for her to do so. I see how it looks though.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by anxiousloser
    I'm thinking the same I've just got to approach it with a more positive mentality to give myself a fair chance.

    But the way she's acted until now... she'd expect me to ask her out potentially right? Or at least not be shocked/put off by me doing so?

    One good thing is she'll be working on a different site within 3 months so hopefully it won't be so much of an issue.
    Yes. She is expecting it! Do it!

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Yes there is...you're a coworker and she is new and trying to fit in, be pleasant, make friends, etc. Ok she's your dream girl and you fantasize about going out with her. However you need to begin socializing more first and not pounce or act inappropriately or worse...creepy.

    Slow your role and respect work boundaries and her boundaries. Just keep saying to yourself: "She is here to make a living and fit in. The workplace is not a dating site".
    Originally Posted by anxiousloser
    has also decided to give me the time of day when there's no ulterior motive for her to do so.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Yes there is...you're a coworker and she is new and trying to fit in, be pleasant, make friends, etc. Ok she's your dream girl and you fantasize about going out with her. However you need to begin socializing more first and not pounce or act inappropriately or worse...creepy.

    Slow your role and respect work boundaries and her boundaries. Just keep saying to yourself: "She is here to make a living and fit in. The workplace is not a dating site".
    If fitting in/socializing was her main motive for telling me how incredible I apparently am, hugging and kissing me, trying to talk to me at any opportunity instead of talking exclusively to people within her peer group like the other 19 of them were doing, its certainly a different way of going about it.

    It's not a typical co-worker relationship between me and them. These staff come into the office for 3 months when they join, and after that I'll see most of them like once a year. There's no relationship between office staff and the rest, most of the time.

    I take the point but my only reservation about coming across as inappropriate/creepy comes from thinking "what if she was just drunk" - but in the limited interactions I've had with her since shes been consistently the same.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by anxiousloser
    If fitting in/socializing was her main motive for telling me how incredible I apparently am, hugging and kissing me, trying to talk to me at any opportunity instead of talking exclusively to people within her peer group like the other 19 of them were doing, its certainly a different way of going about it.

    It's not a typical co-worker relationship between me and them. These staff come into the office for 3 months when they join, and after that I'll see most of them like once a year. There's no relationship between office staff and the rest, most of the time.

    I take the point but my only reservation about coming across as inappropriate/creepy comes from thinking "what if she was just drunk" - but in the limited interactions I've had with her since shes been consistently the same.
    You are good, dude. Ask her out. She wants you to.

  10. #19
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    Well, I bottled it a couple of times yesterday but managed to catch her alone for a couple of minutes before work for the first time in a little while, had a nice little chat before I had to go.

    Then I realised that if I wait for the ideal moment its never going to come, and if she's open to dating at all she won't struggle to find someone, and if I don't make a move now I'll be forgotten about in no time. Perhaps I've already waited too long, we'll see.

    So I texted her this afternoon referencing something we talked about last week, and if she'd like to grab a coffee or a quick drink after work one day soon. Way more nervous that I have any right to be, sending a text like that, but reading it back it was perfectly fine, casual and friendly. Doesn't even have to be a 'date' if there doesn't end up being anything there romantically.

    She'll see it by the end of the working day, if its a bad response, or worse, no response, I'll be sick but if I hadn't, I'd have thrown this away anyway by doing nothing. So let's see what happens!

  11. #20
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    Maybe I needn't have worried so much, she seems really keen still! Wants to meet up "as soon as" she's finished her first exam, which I happen to know is Monday. Now feel like an idiot for waiting this long but hey, we'll see what happens. I still think she's out of my league and will leave me alone once she realises I'm not as incredible as she thinks but you never know :)

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