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Thread: How do I break up with a lovely guy without feeling so guilty? :(

  1. #11
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Breaking up with someone is rarely easy, but often necessary.

    Focus on the idea that if the roles were reversed, would you want some guy only being with you because he pitied you and was too afraid to tell you the truth?

    Even though it doesn't feel good, I would want to know. I think you would too.

    Free this guy up so he can find someone who's crazy about him.
    That's the kindest thing to do.

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Jul 2019
    Nope, this is a normal occurrence. Men who are nice, generous, honest and open are thrown to the side all the time. Unless a man is dating 3 women at once, is passive aggressive and plays hard to get, nothing good will come out of it for him. Nothing to feel guilty about, it's the new norm.
    Last edited by asalways; 07-29-2019 at 06:24 PM.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Since he refuses to take a hint and get your message, it is time for you to be firm yet gentle. I agree with others, stop accepting gifts. Apparently, he can't take 'no' for an answer. Be honest, tell the truth and even if it will hurt him, you need to get it over and done with.

    No one in their right mind enjoys rejection, however, he needs to accept the end of this relationship and truly move on.

    No, you're not a terrible person for doing this.

    If he continues to pay attention to you relentlessly, you'll have to block him on your cell phone. Sever all contact permanently.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    New Jersey
    There is no judge or jury in your love life. Nobody else is living for you, so nobody else gets a vote. Most people are simply NOT our match, no matter how terrific they may be. We are not obligated to form a partnership with a wrong match--we don't 'owe' that to anyone.

    Credit the guy with the ability to bounce back regardless of how dependent he has manipulated you into viewing him. That alone is a huge red flag. Consider this as growth experience for both of you, and with growth there is usually pain.

    I'd avoid waiting until after another date, but rather I'd meet him in a public place--for coffee at a counter or a drink in a bar. Have a friend or family member wait for you outside. Before ordering anything, tell him that you think he's a great guy, but this relationship isn't working for you, and you want to part ways. Give him back any expensive gifts, and when he presses you for a reason, say that he's done nothing wrong, but you feel too much pressure to be the primary focus of his life.

    Then stop talking. Let him say whatever he wants to say after that, and then just repeat that you feel too much pressure to be the primary focus of his life, and you're going now. If he tries to stop you, tell him that (friend or family member) is waiting for you outside, and you won't be staying. Then walk away.

    Having someone wait for you is a safety measure and it buys you an exit without permitting the guy to keep you beyond what you need to say.

    If you believe that this guy could become too emotionally unstable for an in-person convo, do it by phone, and mail the gift back to him.

    Be brave, and do the right thing quickly.


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