Asking out someone at work

Hi everyone.

Been a little while since I've posted here but my overthinking brain is being a hindrance and some outside wisdom may help me find some clarity in the chaos.

Situation is not overly complicated but theres someone at my place of work that I find interesting. It's been a few months now that I've developed something for her. We exchange glances here and there but I've only really spoken to her once, and that was when I was speaking to a mutual friend and she joined in the conversation. Not a long conversation and no introductions made. Possible missed opportunity there... but I would like to get to know her - something I keep circling back to.

Thing is I always wondered if it would be a case of this https://youtu.be/h7R5cnvtWAo and as it so happens I'm leaving the company in just under 3 weeks. I'd rather not have this be a lingering regret.

I've read that it's better to make friends first and I've been waiting for a decent opportunity to do anything, smile, chat, etc. But no window has presented itself.

Us Brits aren't known for openly asking someone they dont know out so openly (especially sober), but am I placing an internal barrier upon myself? (Apologies for the generalisation)

Any advice is greatly appreciated. Ask anything as well, I'm open to all trains of thought.

R

You have to start a conversation and ask her for her number. You just have to blurt it out at the end of the convo, "What's your number?" It's one of the biggest moves in dating but it has to be done.

Can you use ways to at least start a conversation, such as a lunch/coffee break? Can you connect on social media in a friendly coworker manner and perhaps when you leave, stay an in touch and take it from there? No, do not just walk up to someone especially at work and ask them out, has nothing to do with UK, drunk, etc. Just don't do that. Start with small talk coffee etc.

How my then very shy husband did it - we met his first day of work (my 40th, give or take) but we didn't work together. Over the next 9 months we ran into each other at 2 or 3 work events. At the second one we actually tried to talk and were physically blocked by a very tall (we are short!) famous celebrity who used to work at our company - I mean, what was Cupid thinking?? So our chat was cut short. At the third event a few months later we actually had a real conversation and he claimed I touched his arm during the conversation so he knew he could ask me out to lunch lol. Three days later he called me at work and asked if I'd like to have lunch either later that week or the following. Outside the office but nearby. He didn't call it a date - and I actually was dating someone at the time, nonexclusively, short term so I said yes. After that lunch he asked me out on a proper date. So yes there was a lead up and it was 9 months from the time we first met till that lunch so to me that's quite a long time, meaning too many risks of me meeting someone serious -or him, I guess. So I would do what it takes to have a brief in person nice lighthearted convo, then follow up with a phone call and ask to get lunch or something casual. Good luck!

Really cute video. Thanks for sharing. Don't do what this guy did!!!

This is something you need to be very careful about.

Is she a subordinate?

If you think you want to date someone you work with (generally considered a bad idea) then chat her up a little about something in the news or whatever. "Hi ______, how was your weekend?" then comment nicely on what she said and see if she asks about yours. If she shows interest then take it from there but DON'T wait to long!!!

You need to be brave and ask her if she wants to go get a drink after work. She will know what you mean right then and there and if she is interested she will agree, if not be nice and business like from then on with her. DO NOT ASK AGAIN! H.R. could get involved.

Lost

Thanks for the responses!

Firstly to address the latest concern. She's not a subordinate. We work in different departments. Technically you could say were the same level but different disciplines. Another barrier to socialising.

I agree getting that first conversation on a 1 on 1 basis would be the best first step. A lunch/break would be great but therein lies the crux! We're both smokers and see her in the smoking area sometimes but she's usually with other people.

How do you even start the first step? Every opener I can think of seems to be blatantly suggestive even with social media which everyone reads into massively. But maybe that's not bad?

Work events would be a good idea as everyones a little easier going but I won't be around for the end of year party.

R

I would join her group of smokers and chat with them. Then you can introduce yourself, and maybe mention how you will be leaving for another job soon. Perhaps this will let you get to know her better. If things seem to be going well, perhaps you can stop by her desk and say that you are going for coffee or lunch and ask if she'd like to join you.

Thanks for the responses!

 

Firstly to address the latest concern. She's not a subordinate. We work in different departments. Technically you could say were the same level but different disciplines. Another barrier to socialising.

 

I agree getting that first conversation on a 1 on 1 basis would be the best first step. A lunch/break would be great but therein lies the crux! We're both smokers and see her in the smoking area sometimes but she's usually with other people.

 

How do you even start the first step? Every opener I can think of seems to be blatantly suggestive even with social media which everyone reads into massively. But maybe that's not bad?

 

Work events would be a good idea as everyones a little easier going but I won't be around for the end of year party.

 

R

My husband and I were in the same situation -he was one year ahead of me or so but not subordinate situation and different departments/different disciplines. I'd do the smokers group and strike up a conversation other than "So what did you think of Toy Story 4?" or "So, how about [politician's name] latest tweets??"

That's ok, just walk over and join in the small talk. No matter what the context, do not walk up to women and ask them out. No women like to think someone is hitting on them, trying to pick them up, etc. You have to ease into it. Don't worry about openers or clever lines, in fact don't use that approach, just start hanging out on the breaks and chat within the group. Smile, start saying hi, etc. So it doesn't matter that she's around others.

A lunch/break would be great but therein lies the crux! We're both smokers and see her in the smoking area sometimes but she's usually with other people.

Alright, a plan of sorts. I'll do my best! 2 and half weeks of maximum effort! Fear is the mind-killer! LETS DO THIS!...

...is what I'd love to say. In reality I am bricking it; wish me luck.

R

Just a little update. Caught her in the smoking area, said hello and chatted about work a little. Felt like everything I thought I would say went straight out the window. Swear I was babbling nervously... I'm 36 and somehow regressed to a teenager in a split second. Mentioned I was leaving and invited her to the leaving drinks.

After that my brain took over and I started over analysing the conversation. Or at least what little I could remember... Took a little while to focus and knock myself out of that pitfall. Something I'm working on.

But all in all, it's a step forward at least.

R