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Thread: First Date Discussion

  1. #1
    Member ahottmess's Avatar
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    First Date Discussion

    It’s been about 2 years since I’ve dated anyone. I left a 4 year relationship with someone who cheated a couple of times and the final time I actually caught him and there was no lying his way out. Anyway, I realized after leaving I was dating a Narcissist and the recovery from that took awhile.

    Fast forward 2 years. Went on a date last night with a guy a year younger than me while I met online. We met at the restaurant, he asked me to dinner. Had an enjoyable meal and almost 2 hours conversation and laughing.

    We agreed we would both like to see each other again and get to know one another better. My only complaint about the evening is this. He kept his phone on the table and replied to texts from other women he’d dated off the site and stayed friends with. He checked his phone every time it went off. Now it was his weekend with his kids but they are two teenage girls who’d stayed up all night and day and had gone to bed at 6 pm I could understand if they’d been younger wanting to have your phone handy and he didn’t seem to have issue telling me who he was replying to (neither daughter texted him) but I found it a bit rude to even have the phone out during the date. Mine never left my purse.

    Am I wrong? We still had a great time and good conversation but...

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    Yes it is rude! I never have my phone on the table even just with friends. If you're catching up with people, you need to give them your attention and not keep texting on your phone! Also actually telling you he's texting other women is tactless. There was absolutely no need to say that! Do you have any other options of guys from online dating to go on a date with? It's up to you but personally I would not see that guy again. First impressions are important and the first impression of him is not that good.

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    Member ahottmess's Avatar
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    Yes I do have other options and I feel like even if I didn’t I don’t think his behavior is any good indication of future dates. He went so far as to explain the one girl is just a friend but she wants more and he doesn’t.

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    Originally Posted by ahottmess
    Yes I do have other options and I feel like even if I didn’t I don’t think his behavior is any good indication of future dates. He went so far as to explain the one girl is just a friend but she wants more and he doesn’t.
    And why do you need to know that girl is after him, etc.? If he's showing off to make you jealous/more interested, that is immature! Otherwise it's just very rude. Even without saying it's other women messaging him, if you're on a first date why put your phone out on the table and keep texting! Especially seeing as it was nothing urgent at all, it was just his other dates. Very poor manners in my opinion. When I'm at a dinner table just with platonic friends, we always put our phones away. If a text comes through, I have a quick look and unless it's urgent I don't reply until I'm no longer with friends. I think manners are important and I would not want to date someone with poor social etiquette.

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    Member ahottmess's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    And why do you need to know that girl is after him, etc.? If he's showing off to make you jealous/more interested, that is immature! Otherwise it's just very rude. Even without saying it's other women messaging him, if you're on a first date why put your phone out on the table and keep texting! Especially seeing as it was nothing urgent at all, it was just his other dates. Very poor manners in my opinion. When I'm at a dinner table just with platonic friends, we always put our phones away. If a text comes through, I have a quick look and unless it's urgent I don't reply until I'm no longer with friends. I think manners are important and I would not want to date someone with poor social etiquette.
    I agree I had a couple texts come through during the meal but I was able to see on my Fitbit who it was and that it wasn’t urgent so I just let them go. You might be right it might have been in an effort to let me know “others” are interested in him.

    One other thing, when we were leaving at the register she said “is this together or separate?” And he replied “I guess together will work!” Hello!!!! You asked me to dinner it seemed a bit like he expected me to jump in and pay for myself.

    Today he let me know he deleted his profile on the dating site to focus on me

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    Originally Posted by ahottmess
    Yes I do have other options and I feel like even if I didn’t I don’t think his behavior is any good indication of future dates. He went so far as to explain the one girl is just a friend but she wants more and he doesn’t.
    Originally Posted by ahottmess
    I agree I had a couple texts come through during the meal but I was able to see on my Fitbit who it was and that it wasn’t urgent so I just let them go. You might be right it might have been in an effort to let me know “others” are interested in him.

    One other thing, when we were leaving at the register she said “is this together or separate?” And he replied “I guess together will work!” Hello!!!! You asked me to dinner it seemed a bit like he expected me to jump in and pay for myself.

    Today he let me know he deleted his profile on the dating site to focus on me
    Sorry but he sounds weird! He has met you only once and he already decided to delete his dating site profile for you? And if he wanted to focus on you then why did he text other women during your date and told you about it? Something sounds very off about this...

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    Sorry but he sounds weird! He has met you only once and he already decided to delete his dating site profile for you? And if he wanted to focus on you then why did he text other women during your date and told you about it? Something sounds very off about this...
    Yep I agree! Thanks for your input I knew it wasn’t just me expecting too much attention at dinner.

    I did not delete my profile lol

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    He does seem rude and a bit off telling you he is texting other women so I’d pass on him.

    However,

    “One other thing, when we were leaving at the register she said “is this together or separate?” And he replied “I guess together will work!” Hello!!!! You asked me to dinner it seemed a bit like he expected me to jump in and pay for myself”

    I’m not sure if you have previous experience with online dating but the first meet is just that. It’s not a date.
    You should offer to pay your way.

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    Originally Posted by ahottmess
    Yes I do have other options and I feel like even if I didn’t I don’t think his behavior is any good indication of future dates. He went so far as to explain the one girl is just a friend but she wants more and he doesn’t.
    Originally Posted by Billie28
    He does seem rude and a bit off telling you he is texting other women so I’d pass on him.

    However,

    “One other thing, when we were leaving at the register she said “is this together or separate?” And he replied “I guess together will work!” Hello!!!! You asked me to dinner it seemed a bit like he expected me to jump in and pay for myself”

    I’m not sure if you have previous experience with online dating but the first meet is just that. It’s not a date.
    You should offer to pay your way.
    Things are different these days where there aren't really gender norms as much and men are not expected to pay for women. Some men will still pay but I always offer and take out my wallet.

  11. #10
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    It's more than a bit rude. It is a total deal breaker. I hope you are not considering dating him again?

    "I didn’t I don’t think his behavior is any good indication of future dates" Really?! You need to have higher standards. He should not have been texting at all! You can do better. I hope you will soon see this.

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