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It’s been about 2 years since I’ve dated anyone. I left a 4 year relationship with someone who cheated a couple of times and the final time I actually caught him and there was no lying his way out. Anyway, I realized after leaving I was dating a Narcissist and the recovery from that took awhile.

 

Fast forward 2 years. Went on a date last night with a guy a year younger than me while I met online. We met at the restaurant, he asked me to dinner. Had an enjoyable meal and almost 2 hours conversation and laughing.

 

We agreed we would both like to see each other again and get to know one another better. My only complaint about the evening is this. He kept his phone on the table and replied to texts from other women he’d dated off the site and stayed friends with. He checked his phone every time it went off. Now it was his weekend with his kids but they are two teenage girls who’d stayed up all night and day and had gone to bed at 6 pm I could understand if they’d been younger wanting to have your phone handy and he didn’t seem to have issue telling me who he was replying to (neither daughter texted him) but I found it a bit rude to even have the phone out during the date. Mine never left my purse.

 

Am I wrong? We still had a great time and good conversation but...

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Yes it is rude! I never have my phone on the table even just with friends. If you're catching up with people, you need to give them your attention and not keep texting on your phone! Also actually telling you he's texting other women is tactless. There was absolutely no need to say that! Do you have any other options of guys from online dating to go on a date with? It's up to you but personally I would not see that guy again. First impressions are important and the first impression of him is not that good.

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Yes I do have other options and I feel like even if I didn’t I don’t think his behavior is any good indication of future dates. He went so far as to explain the one girl is just a friend but she wants more and he doesn’t. [emoji2368]

 

And why do you need to know that girl is after him, etc.? If he's showing off to make you jealous/more interested, that is immature! Otherwise it's just very rude. Even without saying it's other women messaging him, if you're on a first date why put your phone out on the table and keep texting! Especially seeing as it was nothing urgent at all, it was just his other dates. Very poor manners in my opinion. When I'm at a dinner table just with platonic friends, we always put our phones away. If a text comes through, I have a quick look and unless it's urgent I don't reply until I'm no longer with friends. I think manners are important and I would not want to date someone with poor social etiquette.

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And why do you need to know that girl is after him, etc.? If he's showing off to make you jealous/more interested, that is immature! Otherwise it's just very rude. Even without saying it's other women messaging him, if you're on a first date why put your phone out on the table and keep texting! Especially seeing as it was nothing urgent at all, it was just his other dates. Very poor manners in my opinion. When I'm at a dinner table just with platonic friends, we always put our phones away. If a text comes through, I have a quick look and unless it's urgent I don't reply until I'm no longer with friends. I think manners are important and I would not want to date someone with poor social etiquette.

 

I agree I had a couple texts come through during the meal but I was able to see on my Fitbit who it was and that it wasn’t urgent so I just let them go. You might be right it might have been in an effort to let me know “others” are interested in him.

 

One other thing, when we were leaving at the register she said “is this together or separate?” And he replied “I guess together will work!” Hello!!!! You asked me to dinner it seemed a bit like he expected me to jump in and pay for myself.

 

Today he let me know he deleted his profile on the dating site to focus on me [emoji2358]

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Yes I do have other options and I feel like even if I didn’t I don’t think his behavior is any good indication of future dates. He went so far as to explain the one girl is just a friend but she wants more and he doesn’t. [emoji2368]

 

I agree I had a couple texts come through during the meal but I was able to see on my Fitbit who it was and that it wasn’t urgent so I just let them go. You might be right it might have been in an effort to let me know “others” are interested in him.

 

One other thing, when we were leaving at the register she said “is this together or separate?” And he replied “I guess together will work!” Hello!!!! You asked me to dinner it seemed a bit like he expected me to jump in and pay for myself.

 

Today he let me know he deleted his profile on the dating site to focus on me [emoji2358]

 

Sorry but he sounds weird! He has met you only once and he already decided to delete his dating site profile for you? And if he wanted to focus on you then why did he text other women during your date and told you about it? Something sounds very off about this...

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Sorry but he sounds weird! He has met you only once and he already decided to delete his dating site profile for you? And if he wanted to focus on you then why did he text other women during your date and told you about it? Something sounds very off about this...

 

Yep I agree! Thanks for your input I knew it wasn’t just me expecting too much attention at dinner.

 

I did not delete my profile lol

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He does seem rude and a bit off telling you he is texting other women so I’d pass on him.

 

However,

 

“One other thing, when we were leaving at the register she said “is this together or separate?” And he replied “I guess together will work!” Hello!!!! You asked me to dinner it seemed a bit like he expected me to jump in and pay for myself”

 

I’m not sure if you have previous experience with online dating but the first meet is just that. It’s not a date.

You should offer to pay your way.

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Yes I do have other options and I feel like even if I didn’t I don’t think his behavior is any good indication of future dates. He went so far as to explain the one girl is just a friend but she wants more and he doesn’t. [emoji2368]

 

He does seem rude and a bit off telling you he is texting other women so I’d pass on him.

 

However,

 

“One other thing, when we were leaving at the register she said “is this together or separate?” And he replied “I guess together will work!” Hello!!!! You asked me to dinner it seemed a bit like he expected me to jump in and pay for myself”

 

I’m not sure if you have previous experience with online dating but the first meet is just that. It’s not a date.

You should offer to pay your way.

 

Things are different these days where there aren't really gender norms as much and men are not expected to pay for women. Some men will still pay but I always offer and take out my wallet.

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It's more than a bit rude. It is a total deal breaker. I hope you are not considering dating him again?

 

"I didn’t I don’t think his behavior is any good indication of future dates" Really?! You need to have higher standards. He should not have been texting at all! You can do better. I hope you will soon see this.

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He does seem rude and a bit off telling you he is texting other women so I’d pass on him.

 

However,

 

“One other thing, when we were leaving at the register she said “is this together or separate?” And he replied “I guess together will work!” Hello!!!! You asked me to dinner it seemed a bit like he expected me to jump in and pay for myself”

 

I’m not sure if you have previous experience with online dating but the first meet is just that. It’s not a date.

You should offer to pay your way.

 

If he hadn’t said “I’d like to take you out on a date tomorrow night, I’d agree but he himself said date”

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Sorry but he sounds weird! He has met you only once and he already decided to delete his dating site profile for you? And if he wanted to focus on you then why did he text other women during your date and told you about it? Something sounds very off about this...

 

I agree. This guy is a total creep!

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I'm sorry...I don't see it that way. I'm old....and everyone I know has there phone out for this reason or that...even just to look at facebook! He let you know that they 'weren't dates'....heck I went out with a guy for about a month...and I invited him to a timeshare with me. He met up with a girl at a park before he got to my place....then as he was at the condo...he was texting girls from POF. I got so mad...he said, it's not a dating site...it's a social site. WTH???

 

But this guy might be young and didn't realize you didn't like his phone out...and his texting while on a date with you. As for him deleting his profile....after 1 date. My sister and her future husband met on eHarmony. Her account was just ending and he canceled out his, and sent her his email. On the second date he said he thought he was falling in love with her. She was in her 40's...him about 50. They were married in about a year...and just celebrated their 10th anniversary.

 

I would go out with this guy again...but say playfully....I hope that I can keep your attention while we're out on our next date, and you won't have to resort to texting on your phone! I just chalk it up to clueless! What one person sees as rude and a deal breaker, another thinks...eh...bigger deal breakers out there than being attached to their phone!

I find it hard to find someone you like....and they like you back. I would see him a couple times more, and see where it goes. IMO you must not be that interested in him, to let him go that easily.

 

And about the check...yeah...he thought of it as a date. And what he said...sounded kinda like he was joking around. At least that's how it sounded to me. When I met up with guys...if I didn't like them...I paid for my own meal...so I wouldn't feel obligated. If I did like them (rarely) I let them pay, so it seemed more like a date.

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If he hadn’t said “I’d like to take you out on a date tomorrow night, I’d agree but he himself said date”

 

He can call it whatever he wants but you and I both know meeting someone from online is not a date, it’s an introduction only. The second meet is a date.

And therefore you should offer to pay your way.

But at the end of the day , he did pay for you so what’s the big deal?

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Yes, incredibly rude.

 

The first few dates are meant to be about impressing you. If this is how he impresses, I'd hate to see what's in store for you.

 

Not only is he not giving you his full attention but he is willing to attend to another woman via text while you're sat right there?

Seriously, he is a total jerk with no manners whatsoever.

 

I would tell him, thanks but no thanks. You've got standards, don't settle for bs.

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I would not go out with him again.

 

No manners, and tells you he's deleting his dating profile to focus on you after just one meet-up? It was too hard to focus on you when you were right in front of him at dinner, so his reasoning makes zero sense. He sounds insincere.

 

No thanks.

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I would not go out with him again.

 

No manners, and tells you he's deleting his dating profile to focus on you after just one meet-up? It was too hard to focus on you when you were right in front of him at dinner, so his reasoning makes zero sense. He sounds insincere.

 

No thanks.

 

Agreed he sounds insincere not because of him checking his messages but replying to them.

 

The OP was also checking her messages via Fitbit. But you can’t reply on a Fitbit.

 

Is this lack of manners or current day normality?

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Yes, incredibly rude.

 

The first few dates are meant to be about impressing you. If this is how he impresses, I'd hate to see what's in store for you.

 

Not only is he not giving you his full attention but he is willing to attend to another woman via text while you're sat right there?

Seriously, he is a total jerk with no manners whatsoever.

 

I would tell him, thanks but no thanks. You've got standards, don't settle for bs.

 

I agree , but we are old school?

 

Did he notice her checking her messages on her Fitbit?

 

Isn’t making an impression on a first meet mutual?

 

I’m not quite writing him off as a jerk yet.

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I wish I looked at this post sooner. I'm chiming in late, but that is rude behavior, and not only did he text throughout the date, he had to let it be known it was multiple so-called ex-tinder dates, "just friends" (yeah, right), and took it one step further to let you know one of them is sweet on him. I'm not sure what his motivation was to be so blatantly rude with these other women, but it would be a complete turn-off for me. Put your past in the past. I have no desire to date someone with orbiters and there's usually more going on when there are orbiters. I'm also not interested in someone who continues to date a ton of women. When he's ready to settle down, and he loses more than one valuable woman over his box of knickknacks, he'll prioritize. I certainly have no desire to be the teacher on this.

 

I can see him keeping his phone out because of the kids, and reading the notifications, but to actively write back...no. The second issue is that he received multiple messages from more than one woman the whole night...something is amiss. I'd take a pass on this one.

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Sounds like he's a wanna be player replete with making a point of all the women chasing him and the 'delete the profile' line to get in your pants. Sounds like a dork. How old is he? Is this midlife crisis or total inexperience with jumping back into the dating world after marriage/a LTR? How long has he been single?

- it might have been in an effort to let me know “others” are interested in him.

-Today he let me know he deleted his profile on the dating site to focus on me [emoji2358]

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For everyone: I opted to text him and let him know how I felt about the phone ordeal over dinner. He didn’t see any issue with it since he told me up front who he was talking to i therefore told him he might want to rejoin POF because I wasn’t interested.

 

There was a reply text before I blocked him with about 20 cuss words (coming from a man claiming to be an active Christian) and some other derogatory terms. BLOCKED!

 

Thanks for all the responses [emoji3590]

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Whoa—sorry you had to deal with that. I've heard of such encounters—and have brushed up against some sharp thorns myself on first dates. Bummer, but don't let it taint the dating experience too much. Bad apple in a big orchard. Keep on picking—or, well, swiping.

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