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Partner going through divorce


tonyd927

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Hi guys,

 

Long story here:

 

I recently started seeing this woman who is a year older than me, has a 4 year old daughter, and is in the process of getting a divorce. She moved out of her and her husband's house about 2 years ago, and they are in a legal battle over assets (they have another court date next month)

 

She really enjoys spending time with me, and I with her. I think we click very well and since she's moved out she has "dated" several other people. What should I do in this situation? Should I wait until the divorce is finalized (could take years) to start seriously dating her or should I break things off? Thank you

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I would never date someone who is still married, and it does not matter that she moved out two years ago. She is going through a chaotic time, and will not be able to invest in any type of relationship for some time. I would wait until she finalizes things and reconsider dating until then.

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You're bound to get a lot of different opinions on this, and you'll ultimately go with what works for you, for both of you.

 

I'm curious: Are you asking this question out of moral concerns, or because you're getting a sense that the divorce is dominating her emotional headspace at the moment in a way that has you concerned about her availability? Is her divorce something you guys talk about a lot, for instance? Is it something that causes a shift in emotion in her? And how long is "recently" in terms of this relationship?

 

Personally, I don't see a problem with dating someone who is separated on moral grounds. I think it really comes down to whether you can trust that the person has moved on, and that the logistics—be it co-parenting or legal battles—are things that they can deal with while also having space for you. And that's tricky, since it means accepting that those things are happening in tandem to your courtship and understanding that they will be resolved on their own timeline, not one that accommodates you.

 

It generally means everything moves at a different speed—slower—but for the right people that might be the right speed. Is the risk higher? Perhaps, probably. But there is always a risk, and for anyone considering investing in someone it's about assessing whether the risks are too great, or not. I'd imagine you have some kind of gut read on things right now—both in how she's handling it all and how you feel about it all.

 

What's that gut telling you at the moment?

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You can date her if the feelings are mutual. Just keep in mind that she won't have much brain space, time, energy and resources. Her young daughter will always take top priority naturally and you'll need the patience of a saint while you date her.

 

Be prepared. If you don't have expectations and high hopes, you'll be less disappointed.

 

Be prepared to be on standby, too. This woman is very, very busy and will be for a long time especially because she has a child and having to deal with the ex until at least age 18.

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One of my family members is "engaged" to a woman who was still married when they started "dating".

 

Four years later, she did finally get the divorce but is still "sorting things out". They still live hundreds of miles apart while she "sorts things out".

 

Up to you if you think she's worth waiting years for.

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a family member was battling assets and child custody and they were ALREADY divorced. Their marriage was dissolved without having to finalize custody agreements and such. The house did not have to be sold yet - they just had to have an agreement to how it would be dissolved when they were able to sell it, etc. They battled the rest of the crap out in court for two years, but the dissolution of their marriage was not held hostage. Because they had children, they had to wait a little for the divorce to be finalized - 6 months, not 2 years.

 

She is not divorced, because she is not ready to be mentally. I suggest you take a step back and stop dating her until after she is legally free to date.

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Hi guys,

 

Long story here:

 

I recently started seeing this woman who is a year older than me, has a 4 year old daughter, and is in the process of getting a divorce. She moved out of her and her husband's house about 2 years ago, and they are in a legal battle over assets (they have another court date next month)

 

She really enjoys spending time with me, and I with her. I think we click very well and since she's moved out she has "dated" several other people. What should I do in this situation? Should I wait until the divorce is finalized (could take years) to start seriously dating her or should I break things off? Thank you

 

Things to consider. Legal, moral, cultural and practical.

 

Do you have a problem with any of the above?

 

Most people I know don't bother with divorce unless they want to go to war with each other, and/or if they want to get remarried. I divorced because my ex wanted to remarry and she offered to pay for the divorce. It's fairly cheap if you already have a separation agreement. My fiance is in the process of getting divorced because we are getting married. Culturally and legally, in these parts, separation is usually as far as people go.

 

Morally, some Catholics won't date someone that is separated. That's more forced morality, than individual morality. Don't know about other religions/cultures??

 

On the practical side there is a young daughter involved. That certainly complicates matters. Be prepared to be the lesser priority. Anyone this woman gets serious with has to consider what the relationship is going to look be like with the daughter. Should you go forward, Proceed slowly and with caution.

 

Those are just some things to consider. You might also get unwillingly sucked into drama and be used as a prop in the divorce.

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Morally, some Catholics won't date someone that is separated. That's more forced morality, than individual morality. Don't know about other religions/cultures??

 

 

it is also individual morality for many people, too.

And practical. You can't marry someone who is already married.

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Further down in the same post it appears he's been trying to win her back?

 

I've tried to not contact her for a few days, only to talk for a bit and have it backfire, then go back to no contact.

Is there any hope for this?

 

I didn't get it exactly right, but on 7/21 he was writing about being unhappy with the end of that relationship. Now he's trying (only a week later) to make this one work.

 

OP, are you wanting THIS woman or are you possibly trying to mask the pain of your previous breakup?

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Some posters confuse and misread threads.

 

So why is this liar allowed to post here?

 

I guess because no one has reported it?

As for some people confusing and misreading threads as suggested , it’s pretty clear in the thread that the OP said he was in his mid twenties and later said 30.

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Posters can be inaccurate or inconsistent, it's not a reportable situation. The forum rules mostly focus on rudeness, flaming, vulgarities, etc.https://www.enotalone.com/forum/forum-rules.php

 

I’m aware of the rules thank you.

 

Yes posters can be inaccurate and inconsistent , but who states a different age within the same thread? A liar?

And as Gary said , why is this liar allowed to post?

 

I didn’t report it as per the “rules”

Instead I highlighted the inconsistency on the thread. Is that breaking any rules?

 

Let me know , thank you in advance.

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