Is there hope for this relationship?

I met someone back in April, a little over 3 months ago. We have hung out every week since then maybe 3 or 4 times a week. We have gone camping and hiking and on road trips and bike rides and we love our little adventures together. Everything seemed laid back and easy in the beginning and we got along great. About 2 months into dating him he told me he had to move to to be closer to his daughter. I played it cool and kinda let him know whatever happens, happens, but as time went on I wondered if I should invest my time and emotions into someone who was leaving and not fully knowing how they felt about me since he doesn't seem open with his feelings, and what he wanted to do. Since that time I found out he was moving we have been getting into horrible fights over little and big things. He did eventually say he wanted to continue seeing me and see how things go but he couldn't put a label or commitment on us, just kind of play it day by day. I think that is fair enough even if deep down I wanted him to devote himself to me and the relationship in some way, but I guess he figured all the time he spends with me is proof of devotion.

The last two weeks I feel as though he is picking fights (he may say the same about me) but I feel as though I will do something small that will end up a night long dramatic fight and it has worn me out to the point I feel anxious and depressed. I know our relationship is in jeopardy but I don't know how to fix it. I feel if i bring up anything serious it will be all issues I need to fess up to and acknowledge while there is nothing he does wrong but I feel as though he takes me for granted at this point.

Tonight We were supposed to watch a movie when he gets off work. He doesn't text me throughout the day which he used to love hearing from me so I hold back on communicating. But usually I hear from him between 8 and 9 to know what the plan is. Tonight I texted him at 8 and then 9 and didnt hear from him for 3 hours until I assumed he went out with friends or did something else so I wrote him I wish he let me know what the plan was before he went out and that if he was going out I wish he let me know. He wrote back not long after that he expected me to respond that negative way (so he was testing me?) and why do I have to have negative assumptions and that he was still at work working is tired anyway. I just feel like he doesn't like me lately from his responses and just want to cry. I have a pit in my stomach. When I told him I feel like he doesn't like me he has gotten mad at me for making assumptions but I just dont feel like he is curtious or makes me a priority like he used to and he fights in an unloving way. I love this guy. Its been so long since I met someone Ive had so many adventures and fun with but I dont know if I should end it or stick it out.

I know I can be insecure and it can mess up relationships but I feel like all he does is talk about himself when I am with him and he doesn't come across as if he cares about me that much. I know there are different languages of love. I love my time with him but I can't tell if he just likes me around as a warm body and someone to talk about himeself to..... Anyone have any input. I dont want to jump the gun. I dont want to regret breaking things off. I just want to know if there is any hope.

He's not invested in this relationship as much as you are. Fighting, getting your wires crossed, miscommunication, lack of communication and confusion are not positive signs for a normal, harmonious, stable, respectful relationship.

He has to move to be closer to his daughter. He has baggage. Always realize that you are secondary. His first priority is his daughter, money to help support his daughter every month, visitation and everything tied to his family and ex. You need to take a backseat. You must forever share him with his daughter and ties to his ex.

Perhaps try to meet your boyfriend for a heart-to-heart discussion without exploding into a fight. If having a calm, unemotional discussion is an attempt in futility, then your relationship will eventually dissolve at this rate.

Horrible fights over little and big things must have a root from somewhere. Something is bothering him, something is a trigger for both of you and there must be a reason to go from the honeymoon phase to bad arguments.

He doesn't open up to his feelings which is a big red flag. You can't reason with someone if they don't express where they're coming from. You can't read his mind. He's reluctant to make any commitment. He's not ready. At least he was honest so I'll give him that. If you want to play it day by day, then stick around. If you run out of patience, then bail if you wish.

The time he spends with you is not necessarily devotion especially if you two are fighting a lot which is abnormal. You say he picks fights. It doesn't make sense to hang onto a relationship when there is fight picking. Everything is turning into drama.

Will both of you attend couples counseling? Try going that route. If not, you decide if you want to stick it out or not. If there won't be any changes for selfless behavior and consideration on his part and your working on this, too, then I don't see how this relationship can improve. One of these days your patience will run out. I hope you can hang in there but if it were me, I doubt I'd tolerate him. He gives you nothing but stress, anxiety and depression which is not proof of devotion and love whatsoever.

thank you so much for your clear minded response. What you say makes total sense and helps me not feel as crazy. I keep questioning if I am being over insecure or if he is just closed off. I think he is very closed off and it makes me insecure. We got into a large fight a week ago where he broke down crying that he didnt want to make a commitment or for his feelings to grow for me even though they were. He made it clear that all he wanted to do was spend time with me and that's what he was in the future. So within that fight is the first time he expressed deeply his feelings. Yet even after that when we just hang out on the regular he seems distant and cold and argumentative. I try not to let it affect me because if I do he picks up on it and wants to know what's wrong and why I am acting that way and it turns into an argument. Ugh. It is all very confusing but you are right, I am much more invested in the relationship than him. it hurts

This is happening 3 months in?!? Not good at all.

You should still be in the honeymoon phase where everything is wonderful and you're both still so into each other.

You two are getting into fights (red flag this early on) and he's dragging his feet on showing interest (another red flag).

Your fireworks went off pretty darn fast and sound like they are gone. I don't think this relationship has much hope to be honest.

It shouldn't crash and burn this quickly.

I know :( Wish there was something I could do to fix it. Every time I try to walk away from this he thinks I am overreacting and that I am insecure. I love him but feel he doesn’t feel the same but I don’t know why he just doesn’t admit it and let me go. Instead he says there is no way I can know how he feels and that I should stop making assumptions. But honestly all the loving things I do like make plans and be consistent with contacting them or just being kind and sweet I feel he lacks often and has gotten even less over time. He says it’s because I’ve shown red flags and pushed him away. I don’t. Know it is too early for all this but at the same time I haven’t liked someone or felt possibilities for a future with someone in so long. He is the first person in years after dating many people. It feels such a shame for it to all crash and burn

It's only been three months though. :(

You guys shouldn't even be fighting much less having this much drama and going into how 'he used to be'...you've not even be together long enough for how it used to be!

It doesn't look good, Anon.

I know :( Wish there was something I could do to fix it. Every time I try to walk away from this he thinks I am overreacting and that I am insecure. I love him but feel he doesn’t feel the same but I don’t know why he just doesn’t admit it and let me go. Instead he says there is no way I can know how he feels and that I should stop making assumptions. But honestly all the loving things I do like make plans and be consistent with contacting them or just being kind and sweet I feel he lacks often and has gotten even less over time. He says it’s because I’ve shown red flags and pushed him away. I don’t. Know it is too early for all this but at the same time I haven’t liked someone or felt possibilities for a future with someone in so long. He is the first person in years after dating many people. It feels such a shame for it to all crash and burn

Fix what?

There is nothing to fix.

You have known him a mere 12 weeks, he is moving away, even if he wasn’t , there has been arguments and serious lack of communication, not just on his part , but yours too.

He just wanted an easy going fling.

You want a long term relationship.

He did actually tell you that. You refused to hear him.

“. He doesn't text me throughout the day which he used to love hearing from me so I hold back on communicating.”

When you start to play games you must realise it’s a game you can and will only lose.

He wrote back not long after that he expected me to respond that negative way (so he was testing me?) and why do I have to have negative assumptions and that he was still at work working is tired anyway. I just feel like he doesn't like me lately from his responses and just want to cry.

Sounds like love-bombing.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_bombing#Abusive_relationships

I am sorry, but you are a filler until he departs. You should have ended things when he told you he was going to move, and most certainly when he would not put a label on things.

Cut your losses and go complete no contact. Time to move on from this guy. No future.

Blowing you off was unacceptable. Then, this jerk throws it back on you. C'mon! He is not at all invested.

Let you go? Where is your self worth? You should have walked away.

Wow, seeing each other 3 or 4 times a week since you first met is way too much for a new relationship. It really should've been no more than twice a week during this beginning phase. I'm going to guess that based on your post, you were the one mainly arranging for all these get togethers. Even if you were not, in the future, if a guy suggests this amount of time together, put the brakes on. It's too much togetherness too soon.

Perhaps he's cowardly to tell you directly that he's becoming less satisfied with this arrangement, hence not texting you and leaving you hanging about the movie date. If you feel like he doesn't like you with his responses, why do you stick around? I've heard from guys that they want to avoid the drama of breaking up with a woman, so they start behaving badly so she'll do the deed.

It takes two in a relationship to either lift it up or ruin it. Learn from your own behavior, for future relationships, what you could have done differently for better results.

You have only known each other three months and there is already a ridiculous amount of conflict. He is going to be leaving. You are already wound up and hurt.

You two are on totally different pages. You're already saying you love him and he is blowing you off. There is a major discrepancy in feelings here, with you being far more invested and attached than he is.

This isn't going to work, OP.

You have only known each other three months and there is already a ridiculous amount of conflict. He is going to be leaving. You are already wound up and hurt.

 

You two are on totally different pages. You're already saying you love him and he is blowing you off. There is a major discrepancy in feelings here, with you being far more invested and attached than he is.

 

This isn't going to work, OP.

Yes, this - I kept thinking you were describing this as if it's a much longer and serious/committed relationship. That exacerbates the conflict because he likely is feeling pressure to be someone to you that he does not want to be. I'm sorry that it doesn't seem to be working out.

Thank you all for the replies. I was hoping there was maybe a small amount of hope there. I think you all are right though. I’m pretty heartbroken and let him know last night I have felt unhappy lately and that if things continue like this we won’t last. He hasn’t seen or responded but I am guessing he will reply in an offensive way that will hurt me more. I don’t know what else to do. He is the one that has initiated being with me and hanging out just as much as I have. But I know he doesn’t feel passionately about me the way I do for him. But I have been trying to figure out if that’s just the type of person he is. He told me he is very factual and has little emotional output and that he loves his time with me and wants to continue it even when he moves away. I’ve tried to accept this as good enough but I can tell even more recently he is even less invested.

How far away is he moving? Would that make it a long distance relationship?

Unfortunately, the kid comes first, and rightly so. If the mother is the primary parent and she is allowed to move, he should move too. I'm afraid there is not much you can do about that. Divorce can make things messy.

Thank you all for the replies. I was hoping there was maybe a small amount of hope there. I think you all are right though. I’m pretty heartbroken and let him know last night I have felt unhappy lately and that if things continue like this we won’t last. He hasn’t seen or responded but I am guessing he will reply in an offensive way that will hurt me more. I don’t know what else to do. He is the one that has initiated being with me and hanging out just as much as I have. But I know he doesn’t feel passionately about me the way I do for him. But I have been trying to figure out if that’s just the type of person he is. He told me he is very factual and has little emotional output and that he loves his time with me and wants to continue it even when he moves away. I’ve tried to accept this as good enough but I can tell even more recently he is even less invested.

The bottom line, is that he will be long distance. This rarely works. Plus, he has moved on.

He would be moving out of state, maybe a 12 hour drive and hour flight. He plans to do a lot of back and forth since he can still work here and he has said he wants to continue seeing me and make plans to meet up. But just these last couple weeks make it all so defeating. He will say I am the one causing the turmoil but it just feels so intensely like I am not so much a priority anymore or that I annoy him when we are hanging out. Even when we fight I try to bring up the positive things about us tell him I don’t want to argue but it feels he needs to pick at all the little things.

Girl, he blew you off last night. Terrible! The relationship is done.

Also, why are plans made at 8 PM for the same night?

OP, do you tend to get attached very quickly in relationships?

I realize you two spent a lot of time together at first, but you're already tossing around "love." You have known him 3 months, which is very little in the grand scheme of things. You are still really just getting to know him, yet it seems your expectations are sky-high. Do you really love him, or the idea of having a partner and having someone pay attention to you? I have to wonder if you're conflating the two concepts.

In any case, I think has run its course. It's too much drama for such a short relationship and he's already backing out. Long-distance is hard enough, but add in all the conflict and resentment with no real foundation to have built on? It's very unlikely to work.

That's my thought too, it sounds like you're trying to force a huge romance here in less than 3 months. Most people don't even say the words 'I love you' in 3 months time.

It just sounds like you're wanting this big fantasy and romance but it's just not real.

Either way, it sounds like what you two have is something casual and he's not taking it anywhere near as seriously as you are.

But I do wonder if it is serious or if you just are wanting a romance novel?

So he responded to me Texting him

Last night about being sad and have anxiety about the relationship and feel like he dismissed my feelings and he did kinda blow me off last night even though he was defensive and said he was working.. his response was that “it was late last night and he is gonna chalk up my text to late night blues and that he hopes I have a good day (smily face)”. So this is someone avoiding anything heavy but still wanting to keep me around? I don’t know what to say back. I want things to be easy and fun but it just doesn’t feel that way anymore.

Yes my feelings are probably stronger than they should be for only 3 months with this person but it has been a lot of quality meaningful time in a short period. I don’t know how to hold back even if I am trying to.

He also wrote he is not interested in more emotional drama and to take it down a notch....it sucks. I really feel its not working and wanted him to maybe acknowledge how I feel. But maybe like some people said I am being overly into this and need to step back? It feels like he doesn't care but when I try to express things to him he just shrugs it off as me being dramatic. So he doesn't want it to end but he doesn't want to address any issues?

So he responded to me Texting him

Last night about being sad and have anxiety about the relationship and feel like he dismissed my feelings and he did kinda blow me off last night even though he was defensive and said he was working.. his response was that “it was late last night and he is gonna chalk up my text to late night blues and that he hopes I have a good day (smily face)”. So this is someone avoiding anything heavy but still wanting to keep me around? I don’t know what to say back. I want things to be easy and fun but it just doesn’t feel that way anymore.

Good grief! He didn't "kinda" blow you off. He blew you off. He did not give a crap about you, or your time. I suggest you look at gaslighting, as this is what he doing by throwing the blame on you. Terrible.

End this! Get your self respect back. There is no future! He does not care about you. Take control of your life and stop waiting for him to end things.

Ok it's just not working. He wants to be near his child which makes sense. LDRs are difficult, especially after only 12 weeks dating. However do not let him pin this on you. He chose to move and this makes you incompatible. Is he trying to get back with the mother?

Next time do not over-invest this much. Get to know someone better first.

I love him but feel he doesn’t feel the same

He says it’s because I’ve shown red flags and pushed him away.