Jump to content

Crush— paired up at wedding! Fate?


FirstDates

Recommended Posts

I had a crush on this guy in 2016, October through April of that year. I had moved to the town he was going to college (we are the same age) . I’d see him in passing, it was only based on his looks and that friends of friends suggested him to me intially. Our paths didn’t cross, we weren’t in the same social circles (I was working full time he was finishing up a second degree), I watched any of the team games I could. It was a crush. I don’t think he knew I existed.

 

He moved to another part of the world that summer.

In March (before he moved) I had kind of recognized that we weren’t ever going to get to know each other and it was fine that he was gone (end of June).

 

Today I attended a wedding rehearsal and who should I see but this guy as one of the groomsmen— who is now standing opposite me! I would never have expected to see him again, let alone at my cousin’s wedding. The couple unknowningly paired me up with him. My cousin doesn’t know about my crush.

 

I was so shocked! I did not know he was friends with the groom (I don’t know the groom at all)

 

He’s got a girlfriend (I overheard that, I see that as off limits but would figuratively take a number for the future). Tonight I felt like he knew I existed. He was looking at me with cute expression, like when he meets my eye he has a expression that’s boyish and intriguing.

 

A weird part of me is thinking maybe this is fate...and of course he’d be as handsome as ever.

 

The wedding is tomorrow, what should I do? How do I play this? I’d want a shot with him but wouldn’t ever move in on another girl’s man.

 

Advice please!

Link to comment

Not fate. Mere coincidence.

His gf will likely be at the wedding and regardless of if she is or isn’t , if he gave you his number despite having a gf , you should rip it up, not take it!?

 

If you are interested in dating , check out the single guys at the wedding and don’t waste your time hanging out with a taken one.

Link to comment

Just know your place, be a nice acquaintance and respect him and his relationship with his girlfriend. This shows your respect for his girlfriend, too. Behave like a lady and behave honorably.

 

Imagine your having a boyfriend and a man having eyes on you knowing you have a boyfriend already. How do you wish to be treated? I imagine with respectful distance because your loyalty and close relationship only belongs to your boyfriend just like the groomsman is already spoken for by his girlfriend.

 

Back off, exercise discretion, discernment and self control. Carry yourself with grace.

 

Enjoy the wedding!

Link to comment
Not fate. Mere coincidence.

His gf will likely be at the wedding and regardless of if she is or isn’t , if he gave you his number despite having a gf , you should rip it up, not take it!?

 

If you are interested in dating , check out the single guys at the wedding and don’t waste your time hanging out with a taken one.

 

Thanks Billie,

 

I meant take a number as in queue up or get in line. Wait your turn, not as in a physical phone number 😉

Link to comment

Please just enjoy this as a cute story you tell yourself or a trusted friend "can you believe it....??" and understand he is off limits, the end. It's just like being in a play together. I've been in that situation -had a crush on a guy in my college acting class and we had to do a scene -I chose a scene from a Christopher Durang play, Beyond Therapy (adding that in case people know it and know that the scenes are not romantic but complicated enough to warrant lots of rehearsals). I asked him to be in it and another guy and pulled out all the stops - we met at my grandparents' house to rehearse, I had yummy treats ready ,etc. Of course my crush mentioned his girlfriend (long distance at a fancy Ivy League school) during that rehearsal. I'm pretty sure he never knew how I felt and I am glad. I simply enjoyed the acting experience and my little "what if" fantasies that I never acted out. You do the same -same situation other than the coincidence part - play your role and be very, very respectful of his girlfriend meaning no flirting - just be friendly, pleasant, to both of them.

Link to comment

Just know that there are numerous amounts of people we can have chemistry with, and it's really not anything miraculous. Just take it as face value that you happen to have chemistry with him, from your end anyway, but there are barriers such as him having a girlfriend and being long distance.

 

The right guy will be local, be single, and share chemistry with you. If you're having a hard time meeting single guys you're age, try meet up.com.

Link to comment

The way I see it is, your are working off of assumptions right now. You're assuming that he has a girlfriend, and that he is in a happy relationship. He could also not be in a relationship, or that he is unhappy with his current relationship. You will never know until you talk to him personally and find out.

 

If you really like him that much, would you really miss out the opportunity by not being proactive? The potential upside far outweighs the downside of momentary embarrassment.

Link to comment
The way I see it is, your are working off of assumptions right now. You're assuming that he has a girlfriend, and that he is in a happy relationship. He could also not be in a relationship, or that he is unhappy with his current relationship. You will never know until you talk to him personally and find out.

 

If you really like him that much, would you really miss out the opportunity by not being proactive? The potential upside far outweighs the downside of momentary embarrassment.

 

But it's not momentary embarrassment. She has to walk down the aisle with him and be there for the bride on her wedding day. It's a weighty responsibility. If she comes on to him or flirts inappropriately she potentially could create a scene and disrupt her friend's wedding day.

 

To add- being proactive is great. In this situation her obligation is to stand up for her friend and do her best to help the bride have a smooth wedding day. Of course she can socialize but risking a scene or awkwardness would be selfish on her part.

Link to comment

First dates, look at your posting history seriously, you seem to want a fairytale so badly that every situations somehow transforms you into Cinderella, when the reality is not even close to how you see it through your lens. Every man you encounter who you fancy magically fits into this fairytale role, you really need to, well ...get a grip.

Link to comment

Thanks Figureitout,

 

I think that might be a little harsh.

I think it’s uncanny that my crush from a few years back was randomly my partner today. It was a fun day. I felt very at ease with him. Two bad this didn’t happen a few years back when he was single.

 

I’m a big “if it’s meant to be, something more will happen” person— fairytale or not that’s my grid!

Link to comment

OP, when going through all your previous threads it is interesting to note that you do have a tendency to read into things really are not there. It's like you live in a fantasy world and constantly "looking for love" (which you mention in a previous thread) and admit you over analyse everything.

 

As to this crush, you know he has a girlfriend and that's your cue to back off and stay off. You have no business there. Please don't be that desperate in "looking for love" to make you go after a taken man. This crush is just another fantasy, another wishful thinking. Find your own man.

Link to comment

Unfortunately he's not "your" anything. He's someone else's bf. Fairy tales won't help you find a real bf in real life. Try some dating apps and perhaps you can augment fairy tales with a dose of realistically trying to help yourself find a bf.

I think it’s uncanny that my crush from a few years back was randomly my partner today.

Link to comment
Thanks Figureitout,

 

I think that might be a little harsh.

I think it’s uncanny that my crush from a few years back was randomly my partner today. It was a fun day. I felt very at ease with him. Two bad this didn’t happen a few years back when he was single.

 

I’m a big “if it’s meant to be, something more will happen” person— fairytale or not that’s my grid!

 

Part of finding a relationship is about timing - sometimes not but often it is. The rest is you being proactive and him being proactive in making choices to get to know each other, to spend time together, to be yourselves around each other, etc. not relying on some passive "meant to be".

 

I have ridiculous small world experiences all the time. I was doing a power walk on an unfamiliar street -first time in my life I've been on that street - when I saw a car in a driveway getting ready to back up so I stopped briefly for safety -- and the driver was a supervisor who sits a few offices down from me. Had no idea he lived there. He waved, I waved. Uncanny, right?

Many years ago my then boyfriend (who I later married!!) took me hundreds of miles away to a reunion event for an old job he had years earlier. Never been to that city -very small city. We walk into a huge ballroom filled with people for the reunion. A man approaches me "didn't we go on a date once?" Well yes, we did, years earlier, a blind date. Had no clue he ever worked for that same company (he did not at the same time as my husband), and of course had no clue he would be there. My husband was astounded lol. But can you imagine let's say if I'd seen that as a sign we should go out again? And if I'd flirted with him (remember I was only with a boyfriend, not a husband and you know, fate, right, according to you).

 

I've had many more experiences just like that. Many. They're fun. Let them be fun. Please don't go there with trying to justify letting "fate" rule your romantic life and choices. Do the work and then the good timing/fate part will help a bit (sometimes).

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...