Ignoring vs telling an ex not to contact you?

My ex and I were on and off for few years until he met someone who lives closer to him. We live hours apart. Then he would periodically reach out from time to time only to go cold again.Then the cycle repeats. last time we spoke he dropped me like bad habit and I was very hurt. We haven't spoken for 4 years only because I changed my number and deactivated my Facebook, he had no way to contact me. I opened my face book again early this summer and he messaged me using a fresh account like last time. Now he has been reaching out on face book stating he has been looking for me for years and is happy he found me-- wondering if I'm getting his messages. And he left his number so I can text him. ididn't see these messages right away since they get hidden when someone isn't on my friends list. I saw then a month later. But he opens another page with different name to message me again. He always opens a page then he will delete after it serves the purpose then opens another one months later when he wants to contact me. So blocking that page is futile that's why I was wondering I should just tell him not to contact me..which is something I never did before as I always went back to him. I'm not sure if silence would be effective since he is going to think he can always try again. Has anyone told an ex not to contact them instead of just ignoring?

The reason he keeps going in and out of contact with you for all these years is simple: You've been letting him.

It's a wash, rinse, repeat cycle: He disappears (with someone else), he returns (that didn't work out), you go back to him, then he disappears (with someone else again), you block him, he creates a new profile to contact you again when things didn't work out with "her", and repeat.

I have an ex (long threads about him here) who does the same thing. I just started ignoring, and guess what....it works.

The problem with telling him to stop contacting you is that that little bit of feedback is like sugar to him....it lets him know that yes, she will respond. Now I only need to work my magic on her to get her back, until someone else comes along.

This pattern keeps you stuck to him, as it's always in the back of your brain that he'll be back.

This isn't because he cares about you, I'm sorry to say. It's because he has a need to know you're there when he needs you. This is strictly about him and his selfish needs. Once I understood that fact in my own situation, I was freed from it.

I had an ex like this too. The only difference was I did ignore him for many years and never went back after the final break that I initiated. He was an abusive a-hole that cheated more than once.

Long story short, I got sick of the weird texts, random calls from different numbers, etc. after 6 years and realized that ignoring wasn't enough. Just like your ex, he concluded he simply wasn't getting through.

So finally, I decided to actually get mean. I let him know his attempts to contact me were pathetic and that I didn't care about him at all. Then, I ignored the last heated message he ever sent me. It's been almost 2 years since then without a peep.

This guy clearly has an ego if he waltzes back and forth. If you want him gone for good (and maybe a little catharsis) just get mean.

Can't you block him?

Why did you repost this? You asked the exact same question a few days ago.

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=560892

What's wrong with the advice you already got? You're getting the same advice you got last time.

Sorry, but I don’t get why people repost the same question when they got lots of good advice the first time.

Type this: I don't believe in staying in touch/being friends with exes. It's disrespectful to my present relationship and I've moved on. You should too. Please respect my wishes and don't contact me again.

Why did you repost this? You asked the exact same question a few days ago.

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=560892

 

What's wrong with the advice you already got? You're getting the same advice you got last time.

 

Sorry, but I don’t get why people repost the same question when they got lots of good advice the first time.

Me either.

Why did you repost this? You asked the exact same question a few days ago.

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=560892

 

What's wrong with the advice you already got? You're getting the same advice you got last time.

 

Sorry, but I don’t get why people repost the same question when they got lots of good advice the first time.

I think it's because they didn't like the first round of advice and with a new thread, they're hoping for new posters and thus, new advice. More to their liking.

Just a guess.

Op, you don't owe him an explanation, or even a text telling him not to contact you. That only keeps the drama going as he will respond to that, and you're right back where you started.

I dunno, maybe that's what you want?

Assumimg it's not, silence is the message, just ignore, block, delete.

Review all your social media and messaging apps. Reset all your privacy settings so only known trusted friends/family can access content. Make sure you start deleting and blocking him and all his people/contacts. Don't keep over-exposing yourself and wonder why people can still contact you. It's your responsibility to manage your internet presence and privacy.

Replied in your identical thread: https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=560892&p=7147844&viewfull=1#post7147844

he has been reaching out on face book stating he has been looking for me for years and is happy he found me

Block/delete move on.

Do you want him to keep contacting you? Do you think it proves he truly loves you and can't let go?

I can't tell if you reposting means you want someone to tell you something like that. Because the answer is so simple. Tell him to stop. Then stop reading filtered messages. Easy.

Okay, that's not just an ex that's a stalker.

The first rule with stalkers is to cut contact. Any contact whatsoever will only tend to egg them on and exacerbate the problem.

My cousin who is in law enforcement told me that I should very clearly state in writing that any further contact is not welcome and that I want him to stop immediately and permanently. She said if I didn't tell him specifically to stop that he could legally claim he didn't know I didn't want contact from him.

I did as she said, then I blocked him. Problem solved.

Of course, it's "problem solved" only if you truly don't want contact. If you're still "hoping" for reconciliation all of this advice will be useless to you.

My cousin who is in law enforcement told me that I should very clearly state in writing that any further contact is not welcome and that I want him to stop immediately and permanently. She said if I didn't tell him specifically to stop that he could legally claim he didn't know I didn't want contact from him.

 

I did as she said, then I blocked him. Problem solved.

 

Of course, it's "problem solved" only if you truly don't want contact. If you're still "hoping" for reconciliation all of this advice will be useless to you.

- from a legal standpoint, that's great advice. But all the legal maneuvers in the world won't help you if you excite the stalker and he turns out to be a killer and you are dead.

Can't you block him?

I can block but the problem is he doesn't have a real facebook. He permanently deleted it years ago but now only opens a new page to contact me now. Basically what he does is he opens a new page to contact me. once I reciprocate, he gave me his number then deletes the face book. We start communicating through texting and phone. Then things goes sour again and he goes cold and we stopped communicating . I change my number so i can move on. when he wants to talk to me down the line, he gets back on facebook and open a page just to contact me. Last time I didn't respond since i hadn't log in on facebook for a while and the messages went to spam box. He reached out again year later with a new facebook account. Based on his efforts I thought he was serious. And when I reciprocate and started talking..it wasn't long until he started acting flaky and dropped me again Its been like this for the last few years and now he is coming back around. That's why it's hard to block him because he will always try again months later with a new facebook account. So I was think maybe I should just tell him not to contact me than him thinking maybe I should try again?

I can block but the problem is he doesn't have a real facebook. He permanently deleted it years ago but now only opens a new page to contact me now. Basically what he does is he opens a new page to contact me. once I reciprocate, he gave me his number then deletes the face book. We start communicating through texting and phone. Then things goes sour again and he goes cold and we stopped communicating . I change my number so i can move on. when he wants to talk to me down the line, he gets back on facebook and open a page just to contact me. Last time I didn't respond since i hadn't log in on facebook for a while and the messages went to spam box. He reached out again year later with a new facebook account. Based on his efforts I thought he was serious. And when I reciprocate and started talking..it wasn't long until he started acting flaky and dropped me again Its been like this for the last few years and now he is coming back around. That's why it's hard to block him because he will always try again months later with a new facebook account. So I was think maybe I should just tell him not to contact me than him thinking maybe I should try again?

Why are you reading your spam messages? Are you hoping to find messages from this man?

I think it's because they didn't like the first round of advice and with a new thread, they're hoping for new posters and thus, new advice. More to their liking.

 

Just a guess.

 

Op, you don't owe him an explanation, or even a text telling him not to contact you. That only keeps the drama going as he will respond to that, and you're right back where you started.

 

I dunno, maybe that's what you want?

 

Assumimg it's not, silence is the message, just ignore, block, delete.

I'm using a texting APP and will delete right after . I won't wait for his response. I just don't want him to try again. contact from him brought old memories

Do you want him to keep contacting you? Do you think it proves he truly loves you and can't let go?

 

I can't tell if you reposting means you want someone to tell you something like that. Because the answer is so simple. Tell him to stop. Then stop reading filtered messages. Easy.

No I honestly I want him stop contacting me. I was happy and doing fine without him and didn't expect any contact from him. I'm actually irritated by him reaching out because all it did was to bring back old painful I had forgotten about and i know having contact with him will only bring hurt and disappointed . That's why i'm wondering if i should just send a one way message of telling him not to contact me with texting APP then delete the APP right away and not wait for his response. I also deactivated my face book again for the time being so he won't have other way to contact me. I just want hi to try again down the road and be open old wounds again. His contact isn't flattering

But you've already answered the reason he keeps contacting you: Because you keep answering him.

You also might think that he's gone to all this trouble to create a new Facebook account, so he *must* really want to re-ignite things with you.

I get it, I've been there. You hope, each time, that he's sincere, that this time will be better. But each time, leaves you worse than before.

Just. Don't. Respond.

Why are you reading your spam messages? Are you hoping to find messages from this man?

like i said i wasn't expecting him to reach out. I honestly thought that was it last time. I accidentally opened the manage request messages when i was looking for old messages from my sister because i was looking to save one of the pictures she sent few years ago. So i was looking through old messages. Then for some reason i clicked on manage request which opened all the filtered messages from other people too and i stumbled across his his. You have to remember that we haven't had contact for 4 years which is the longest we've gone without talking and he was the last person on my mind nor was I expecting to hear from. I moved on. I'm just annoyed that he won't stay gone

Why can't you post a pic of you and your current bf on social media?

Op, silence is your best friend here.

The mere act of spending energy and time telling him to not contact indicates you still care, which you do!

Otherwise you'd be indifferent to it. May as well own it, it's quite obvious.

He's not stupid he knows this too.

If you truly want no contact ever again, ignore him, he will eventually get bored and stop.

Don't play his game!

. "I just want hi to try again down the road"

So you DO want him to try again.

Why ask for advice on getting him to stop when in your own words you say you want him to try again?

OP, Did you mean to say "you don't want him to try again down the road"?

If you were truly over him, you'd roll your eyes and delete and not give it another thought. However, you are here posting and reposting looking for someone to tell you that this is soooo romantic, true love, blah blah blah. It.is.not. The guy is a creep who is using you because you are easy to use. You are easy to use because you believe in this twisted idea of romance and don't have a clue that healthy sane people don't act like this guy. This could actually end up badly for you.

You've already been given excellent advice on what to do if you truly don't want further contact - set your privacy settings so randoms can't message you. Done. Also, do not respond to any attempts at contact from him and get your head screwed on straight and start seeing this behavior for the ugly reality that it is rather than for some romantic nonsense. There is literally nothing good about this guy.