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Thread: Ignoring vs telling an ex not to contact you?

  1. #1
    Member MrsWise's Avatar
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    Ignoring vs telling an ex not to contact you?

    My ex and I were on and off for few years until he met someone who lives closer to him. We live hours apart. Then he would periodically reach out from time to time only to go cold again.Then the cycle repeats. last time we spoke he dropped me like bad habit and I was very hurt. We haven't spoken for 4 years only because I changed my number and deactivated my Facebook, he had no way to contact me. I opened my face book again early this summer and he messaged me using a fresh account like last time. Now he has been reaching out on face book stating he has been looking for me for years and is happy he found me-- wondering if I'm getting his messages. And he left his number so I can text him. ididn't see these messages right away since they get hidden when someone isn't on my friends list. I saw then a month later. But he opens another page with different name to message me again. He always opens a page then he will delete after it serves the purpose then opens another one months later when he wants to contact me. So blocking that page is futile that's why I was wondering I should just tell him not to contact me..which is something I never did before as I always went back to him. I'm not sure if silence would be effective since he is going to think he can always try again. Has anyone told an ex not to contact them instead of just ignoring?

  2. #2
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    The reason he keeps going in and out of contact with you for all these years is simple: You've been letting him.

    It's a wash, rinse, repeat cycle: He disappears (with someone else), he returns (that didn't work out), you go back to him, then he disappears (with someone else again), you block him, he creates a new profile to contact you again when things didn't work out with "her", and repeat.

    I have an ex (long threads about him here) who does the same thing. I just started ignoring, and guess what....it works.

    The problem with telling him to stop contacting you is that that little bit of feedback is like sugar to him....it lets him know that yes, she will respond. Now I only need to work my magic on her to get her back, until someone else comes along.

    This pattern keeps you stuck to him, as it's always in the back of your brain that he'll be back.

    This isn't because he cares about you, I'm sorry to say. It's because he has a need to know you're there when he needs you. This is strictly about him and his selfish needs. Once I understood that fact in my own situation, I was freed from it.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    I had an ex like this too. The only difference was I did ignore him for many years and never went back after the final break that I initiated. He was an abusive a-hole that cheated more than once.

    Long story short, I got sick of the weird texts, random calls from different numbers, etc. after 6 years and realized that ignoring wasn't enough. Just like your ex, he concluded he simply wasn't getting through.

    So finally, I decided to actually get mean. I let him know his attempts to contact me were pathetic and that I didn't care about him at all. Then, I ignored the last heated message he ever sent me. It's been almost 2 years since then without a peep.

    This guy clearly has an ego if he waltzes back and forth. If you want him gone for good (and maybe a little catharsis) just get mean.

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    Can't you block him?

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  6. #5
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    Why did you repost this? You asked the exact same question a few days ago.
    [Register to see the link]

    What's wrong with the advice you already got? You're getting the same advice you got last time.

    Sorry, but I donít get why people repost the same question when they got lots of good advice the first time.

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    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Type this: I don't believe in staying in touch/being friends with exes. It's disrespectful to my present relationship and I've moved on. You should too. Please respect my wishes and don't contact me again.

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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Why did you repost this? You asked the exact same question a few days ago.
    [Register to see the link]

    What's wrong with the advice you already got? You're getting the same advice you got last time.

    Sorry, but I donít get why people repost the same question when they got lots of good advice the first time.
    Me either.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Why did you repost this? You asked the exact same question a few days ago.
    [Register to see the link]

    What's wrong with the advice you already got? You're getting the same advice you got last time.

    Sorry, but I donít get why people repost the same question when they got lots of good advice the first time.
    I think it's because they didn't like the first round of advice and with a new thread, they're hoping for new posters and thus, new advice. More to their liking.

    Just a guess.

    Op, you don't owe him an explanation, or even a text telling him not to contact you. That only keeps the drama going as he will respond to that, and you're right back where you started.

    I dunno, maybe that's what you want?

    Assumimg it's not, silence is the message, just ignore, block, delete.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Review all your social media and messaging apps. Reset all your privacy settings so only known trusted friends/family can access content. Make sure you start deleting and blocking him and all his people/contacts. Don't keep over-exposing yourself and wonder why people can still contact you. It's your responsibility to manage your internet presence and privacy.

    Replied in your identical thread: [Register to see the link]
    Originally Posted by MrsWise
    he has been reaching out on face book stating he has been looking for me for years and is happy he found me
    Last edited by Wiseman2; 07-26-2019 at 11:58 AM.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Block/delete move on.

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