What are your guys thoughts on this?

So apparently some guy has been messaging my girl, which she told me about and I'm guessing they were interested in dating her. My girl told the guy that she has a boyfriend and basically told him off and I asked if I could see what was said. She said sure, but before she gave me her phone, she started to delete a few things which I saw her do and asked her about it. Anyways... whenever she wants to see my phone I don't have an issue with it, as I have nothing to hide, but while she's doing that I ask if I could see her and she refuses. I basically told her that it wasn't fair, and it just makes me feel as if she is hiding something. There have been times where I randomly asked to see her messages when she was going through my phone in the past, and to my surprise it was what she said it was. There were no messages from guys, and she was mainly texting her friends that were girls. Recently though, random people have been messaging my girl, and when I had asked to see the messages from the guy she basically read every single message between them to me while I was driving. As far as I've seen she has been telling me the truth about almost everything, when I catch her doing something wrong though... Usually she won't bring up some guy messaging her, but will tell the guy off and not tell me about it.

Call a truce and make a pact. Don't check each others phones anymore, discuss and work on trust and integrity issues instead.

She's not telling you the whole truth and is probably flirting with guys through the phone. It is a double standard and you should stop letting her go through your phone, that's your own privacy.

I do not understand why you are checking one another's messages? It sounds like you both have trust issues!

She is not being honest.

so what do you do if she gets upset with you for changing the passcode to your phone? in all honestly i don't go through her phone. the only time i ever ask if when she wants to go through mine. she's told me she's had trust issues due to past relationships and she doesn't even trust her family because they're never supportive or don't help her when she is in need, so she basically told me its hard for her to trust me even when I tell the truth.

You two are still together?

You have posted numerous threads about all the issues in this relationship. I don't really get what you're still doing there, to be honest. She's had one foot out the door a long time, and I don't believe she's being honest about the real conversation she had with this guy.

Sorry, OP.

so what do you do if she gets upset with you for changing the passcode to your phone? in all honestly i don't go through her phone. the only time i ever ask if when she wants to go through mine. she's told me she's had trust issues due to past relationships and she doesn't even trust her family because they're never supportive or don't help her when she is in need, so she basically told me its hard for her to trust me even when I tell the truth.

Her past is her past. If she has trust issues because of her past , then why is she not doing anything about it?

Looking in your phone even with permission is not helping her to trust you , in fact you are enabling her mistrust.

When she asks to look in your phone , you should firmly say no, that you have nothing to hide but shouldn’t have to prove it. And that she needs to place trust in you without evidence.

But it seems the kettle is calling the pot black!?

“ There have been times where I randomly asked to see her messages when she was going through my phone in the past, and to my surprise it was what she said it was. ”

Why are you surprised to find out when she is telling the truth? You clearly don’t trust her.

This relationship is doomed to fail since you can’t even get the basics right.

You are both entitled to your privacy , you are both entitled to have another respect that privacy and if either of you assume that by maintaining that right automatically means someone is hiding something , then end the relationship. Now.

Who are all these guys and how are they getting her number?

I agree that this relationship is broken and isn't fixable at the moment.

Next time she wants to go through your phone just say "sure, you first" "Hand me your phone and when I am done I will hand you mine" If she balks then just google double standard and read her the definition.

Lost

These guys aren't random. They're able to message her because she's given them her number. Even if she realised doing that was disrespectful and inappropriate when she's in a relationship with you, she could have blocked their numbers but she hasn't. That tells you all you need to know.

These guys aren't random. They're able to message her because she's given them her number. Even if she realised doing that was disrespectful and inappropriate when she's in a relationship with you, she could have blocked their numbers but she hasn't. That tells you all you need to know.

He didn’t say they were sending sms to her phone number.

The likelihood is that they are random sending messages through social media , fb,instagram etc .

And all the op knows is that she did reply saying she has a bf.

She hasn’t done anything wrong except in the eyes of her suspicious bf.

While I agree she might not have given this guy her number, I don’t think OP is wrong to be concerned that she cleaned up the conversation and deleted some things before she would show him what was said.

If it went as she says it did, there would be no real reason to edit the exchange.

Why are you still with her OP?

People who have emotional baggage like trust issues shouldn't be in a relationship until they rid themselves of the toxic garbage.

Who wants to be treated like a criminal when they've committed no crime?

You probably haven't had many relationship experiences to know there are single, pretty women who don't lug around useless garbage and who don't seek attention from other men when in an exclusive relationship, if this is a regular pattern. Why not free yourself so you can enter a relationship that's more satisfying than upsetting?

There is something really wrong if you both have to have access to each other's phone to randomly do a check. Having access = no trust. Stop fighting this....you don't trust her, so dump her.

You two have a lot of issues. I don't know where to begin.

She's playing the make-you-jealous game. Act indifferent. Never ask to see her phone. Why take the bait and let her twist your tail?

So apparently some guy has been messaging my girl, which she told me about and I'm guessing they were interested in dating her.

Why am I still with her? To be honest I think it's me and I'm trying to save this relationship because I feel as if I've been the one causing issues in our relationship. I look back and I see that a majority of the issues was because of me. Either I bring up her past, get jealous, and twist things around in an argument instead of be supportive or understanding. The whole part with her kid, I now understand. She's the type of girl who finds love in someone through acts of service. I'm actually considering therapy? to see if it'll help me and if it doesn't then I will end it.

I'm trying to save this relationship.

Looking at your past threads, it seems that this has been your mentality throughout the whole relationship, even, in ways, before it became a relationship. In other words, this is how you two "work," as something that doesn't quite work but might work, if only you can fix x, address y, get past z. Sounds like the relationship you'd like to be in is the one you can imagine with her, rather than the one you've been in. That's worth thinking about. Time is a finite thing, and this is how you're spending yours: with someone who does not make you feel good about yourself.

Blue nailed it again!

Reading all your other threads I totally agree you need to make an appointment with a therapist today! and to be brutally frank with you, you have no business being in a relationship right now.

As for this woman you are dating. She is absolutely the worst type of person you should be dating. She is as bad as you are in some instances and actually exasperates your condition with her behavior.

You need to look in the mirror to find the solutions to problems that have plagued you and will continue to plague you until you seek professional help. All is not lost but there is something in your past or make up driving all this. Find it, understand it and make the changes necessary to be emotionally healthy.

Lost