Ex-fwb is acting more loving towards me than what I was expecting?

So I saw my ex friend with benefits yesterday when we were FWB we were kind of like boyfriend and girlfriend but not official I think the main reason he broke it off was because we were becoming too close. Anyway I told him about a guy I was talking to that reminded me of him and told him I still liked him better and he said good like he wanted to be the main guy in my life. But I saw him for the first time in 2 months he had me come visit him at work we didn't talk for long I told him how I stopped taking to the guy he reminded me of and he put his arms out and hugged me there in front of everyone and didn't let go for about a minute or 2. I've mentioned before going out again and later he mentioned it for tomorrow night going out just us to dinner. I'm confused why he's wanting it to be just us and holding me this way in public in front of people especially ones he works with. Is it possible he wants to go back to fwb or maybe he wants more now? I don't know what's going on and I'm afraid to ask him.

My guess is he wants FWB again.

He’s really putting in as little effort as possible, IMO. He had you visit him at his work (ie: where he already had to be) and when YOU asked when you could get together, he said dinner the next night.

This doesn’t sound like someone who is putting in a whole lot of effort and had a major change of heart. It sounds like someone “going with the flow” and taking what’s on offer, IMO.

He's not making effort though. You visited him at work and you suggested hanging out.

You should expect more from a guy.

If he broke it off because you were becoming to close he wouldn’t have gotten a girlfriend, commitmentphobe this guy is not. I’m sorry, I know it’s hard not to convince yourself it’s something more than it is.

Does he still have a girlfriend? Either way you’re asking the wrong questions, instead of ‘why is he hugging me in public’ ask yourself why you’re settling for proving yourself worthy to someone who cheats on his girlfriend.

Why are you afraid to ask? Are you hoping he wants to be your boyfriend instead of an FWB?

My personal experience is that an FWB is fully capable of being affectionate in public and wanting to take you out while still not wanting anything more. Him hugging you and wanting to take you for dinner is probably just his way of keeping you on the hook.

Secret2012: What is it you would like to happen with this guy? He holds all the power in this 'thing' you've got going on with him so figure it out and if he's not on the same page as you, continuing on with him is going to have you shredding your own heart.

So I saw my ex friend with benefits yesterday when we were FWB we were kind of like boyfriend and girlfriend but not official I think the main reason he broke it off was because we were becoming too close.

You said in your last thread he broke it off because he already had a gf. Which is it?

Omg she's that girl.

=_= Does this guy still have a gf?

If he wanted to be "the main guy in your life" he would date you and make it exclusive and official, not keep you on a string like a yo-yo for sex. You don't have to decode or guess. He wants noncommittal sex. Date the other guy and cut your losses with the fwb guy.

like he wanted to be the main guy in my life.

Yikes, this guy? https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=559622

He is a doosh. Don't open your bedroom door to a doosh.

Raise your standards and forget this guy. He is playing you for a fool in the name of sex.

I don't know if this is the right thing to post it under but I want my ex fwb back. He left me due to him meeting another girl. I took it well and he wanted to remain friends and I agreed. Well now there broken up and I saw him the other day and it made me miss him especially when he hugged me and didn't want to let go. We were really close for being just fwb we'd text everyday, we knew a lot about each other, we'd go out to eat, to the movies or really anything at least once a week to the point I feel like we were getting too close to be fwbs and that's why he broke it off to try to get with another girl and I really miss him now. What should I say/do to him to tell him? Should I even tell him? All I know is I really miss hanging out with him both as just friends and fwbs. I don't know if he feels the same way I never asked.

You're looking to promote him to BF. It's not happening unless he wants that role. I do not think you can FWB your way int the status upgrade.

I would say you could throw caution into the wind and just have a simple talk. Sounds to me you want him as a BF. I think it's time to let him know. Who knows maybe he is too afraid to have the talk with you. So stop beating around the bush and come out with it. If he isn't interested in that, you still have your friendship.

FWBs are meant to be temporary, so why are you surprised it ended? You can't go back to being FWBs because he was not comfortable that you expected more from him, which he can't give. He was being kind to end things. You can't be just friends because new romantic partners on both sides won't accept their significant other hanging out with a past FWB.

Life is full of boundaries and rules, and sometimes you will miss people who were once in your life, and that's how it has to be.

Maybe realize FWBs aren't for you, and that keeping friendships as platonic, and saving intimacy for a bf, will be a better route for you.

Typical problem with FWB's. One person treats it as the casual deal that it is, the other person starts to get attached and wants more. He didn't ditch you because you were getting too close, OP, he ditched you because he met a girl he was actually interested in dating.

FWB with guys is like the friendzone with girls. Once you are parked in that zone, the chances of you getting promoted to gf status is virtually zero. In your case, he actually showed you through his actions that it is an actual zero. He doesn't see you as gf material. So, since you want more, best that you stay far far away from him until you get over him. If you initiate the FWB again, I have no doubt he'll take it. Just understand that it will last until he meets another girl he wants to actually date. Meanwhile, you'll be hurt that much more. This kind of a situation is a really good way for you to destroy your self worth - settling for casual crumbs. Forget this guy and go find a real bf for yourself - someone who actually wants to be with you, not just fwb.

Look, the hard brutal truth, been there, about FWB... if he wanted to be with you, he would, like I said on your last post, this dudes not a commitmentphobe, he just had a girlfriend right? If he wanted to be with you he would, I think your best bet is to rip off the bandaid and tell him how you feel, that way you will know with no uncertainly where you stand.

Why did you start a new thread about this? You asked virtually the same questions here and didn't bother replying to anyone:

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=560961

"How can I tell him I want him back without seeming weird? Should I tell him"

You can't. And no. You should not tell him.

I'm sorry, but the majority of FWBs situations tend to be disposable, as well as having a short shelf life. He was content being with someone whom he didn't have to wine and dine, and who was at his beck and call when the urge hit. As long as there were no questions or expectations, he was on board. What a deal!

At any rate, I'd set my standards at a higher level.

OP, why is it okay for you to sleep with someone who has a gf- according to an older thread? That is pretty sleazy.

Did he dump you for another FWB, while he still had the gf? Does that mean he can only handle two women at one time? He sounds like a real prize, but so do you.

I suggest you address your value system, as it is currently in the toilet.

You weren't even his friend, as he kept you as a secret. That sounds like a great situation.

I'm sorry, but the majority of FWBs situations tend to be disposable, as well as having a short shelf life. He was content being with someone whom he didn't have to wine and dine, and who was at his beck and call when the urge hit. As long as there were no questions or expectations, he was on board. What a deal!

 

At any rate, I'd set my standards at a higher level.

She doesn't have any. He had a gf when she was messing with him the last time. He probably still does.

Replied in your identical thread: https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=560961&p=7149297&viewfull=1#post7149297

we were getting too close to be fwbs and that's why he broke it off to try to get with another girl and I really miss him now.

that's why he broke it off to try to get with another girl and I really miss him now.

Does he still have a girlfriend?

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