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Thread: Feeling very guilty for drastic changes made this year

  1. #1

    Feeling very guilty for drastic changes made this year

    Hello all
    I'm not feeling very 'mother of the year' at the moment.
    Due to my very bad mental state at the end of last year, I made a drastic decision to move interstate - its just me and my 2 kids (older, 1 is 16 and 1 is 11) - and I feel that it was a bad choice, purely based mostly on fear and then hope.

    I wasn't in a violent or life threatenting situation but it was a mentally/emotionally toxic environment and in my haste to better the situation for myself and my kids, I decided to stay where I was holidaying interstate and now I am living with that decison and unfortunately, despite the good things that have happened (off my meds; have a great job) I am missing my son (the 16 year old, who chose to go back to the state we lived in to continue at his high school) - and I mean missing my son to the full extent of those words. Its like a part of me is missing.

    Not only that, the change meant my daughter had to adapt into a new school - which she has done, very proud of her strength - but now that the dust has settled, and I feel I am on the road to recovery, I am missing home. Well, the place I called home for 7 years and where my kids 'grew up'.
    Am I nuts for wanting to move back?
    I mean, I got rid of all my furniture, everything, to 'start over' - which I have done - but I honestly don't think I can continue living away from my son like this.

    I feel I did what I had to do at the time (move interstate) to save my sanity, my mental health ( i was very close to admitting myself into the nearest mental health facility; I wasn't considering anything drastic or anything serious - I think I just needed a mental break and had no where else to go). Coming off the meds has made me realise how much I have been hiding behind them (this is just me; I am absolutely not making any judgements on other peoples necessity in taking them). But now that these thoughts and realisations are crashing down on me, I'm realising what a stupid and really stupid thing I thought that I could live away from my child.

    My daughter is happy to go back home too as she misses her brother.

    Im feeling a mix of guilt and all at the same time.

    This is a vent I guess, a what would you do and a please help me see logic post all at once.
    Thanks for getting this far
    :)

  2. #2
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Go back home -- after you have changed your thought pattern and made sure you are safe from getting together with an ex. any ex.

    Go FORWARD home. You can not go back.

    Have you talked with your son?

  3. #3
    I have talked with my son - last night in fact. I always apologise to him for not being there with him. It just about rips me into pieces when I think about it.
    There are no issues with any ex, the toxic situation was emotionally abusive and it was with my mother!

    When you say you can not go back - do you mean go back home? Or, is staying where I am going backwards.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    If you can take care of economics such as attaining a job back home, then do it since your daughter is happy to go back home, she misses her brother and you miss your son.

    Try not to feel guilty. This is fixable. Where there is a will, there is a way.

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  6. #5
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    Who is your son living with?

  7. #6
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    You did what you had to do at the time. Donít beat yourself up over it.

    If you want to go home, go home. Just make sure to protect yourself so that it doesnít happen again.

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    Go back home.

    Have you cut all contact with your mother?

  9. #8
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    Be careful with major decisions like this. I am sure you did not move interstate on a whim. The fear and hope were based on something. Missing your son is natural. He is also 16 years old so in a while he will move away from you. He will (hopefully) make a life of his own where you won't see him everyday. He has the strength and resilience to do what is right for him. He moved back home to finish school. Perhaps you should be inspired by him. If the right decision is to go home then do it without fearing criticism. If it is the wrong move for you then you need to be strong and stay where you are.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Drychemical9
    I have talked with my son - last night in fact. I always apologise to him for not being there with him. It just about rips me into pieces when I think about it.
    There are no issues with any ex, the toxic situation was emotionally abusive and it was with my mother!

    When you say you can not go back - do you mean go back home? Or, is staying where I am going backwards.
    I mean that when you go back home it will not be as if you had never left - everyone has been moving forward in their own lives their own way. When you return to your hometown, think of it as moving toward your goals, be clear how it advances you toward your goals, and make sure you take the steps necessary to achieve something that is important to you.

    Think of your moves as investing in yourself and creating your path. Have a vision of a future. Move towards it. Adjust vision and path as needed.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Also
    Stop feeling guilty. That keeps you stuck and also is a self centered emotion.

    Accept what you did, accept how it impacted others. Accept it - it happened for a reason. No amount of Im sorrys will undo it and its unfair to keep asking for others to forgive you. Its not about having others' acceptance; its about living the life you want to lead.

    Now, what do you do to build from here?

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