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Thread: Issue With My Parents

  1. #21
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    There's always a workaround when spouses disagree regarding travel vs. not traveling. It's perfectly fine to have separate interests, give each other space, reconvene and do other more local activities together. Sometimes the simple joys in life are best such as meals out, convenient outings and watching your bank account grow!
    I agree. The problem is not that we want to do something different than what a partner wants for themselves. The problem only comes if we insist that YOU MUST do it with me.

    It makes no sense to destroy a relationship over resentment--either by stoking it in ourselves or by causing it in a partner. Then nobody is happy. Part of loving is respecting the limits of a partner and recognizing that if you destroy the relationship, that person won't be in it with you anyway.

    By adopting self sufficiency, you can have the best of both worlds. As long as a partner doesn't impose their limits on you, then you're free to figure out alternative ways of doing whatever you want on your own.

  2. #22

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    DanG12, I am sorry about this issue you are struggling with. I can tell, however, that you have a caring heart and want to help both of your parents.

    Is there someone close to your family you can talk to, someone who wants the best for your parents and their marriage? I have found that some of the best advice comes from those who are closest to us and want to see our families thrive. Would you consider talking to them about this? Maybe you could present the struggle in general terms without referring directly to your parents.

    You and your family are in my prayers.

  3. #23
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    Reality check. To be fully vested in some company pensions, you cannot retire before 65. For social security, you get more if you wait til 65,67, etc. Don't quote me on the years. Just because he has enough money, in your view to retire, it doesn't mean its not smarter to work for another year or two to get everything he possibly could as far as retirement health benefits from work, etc. So stay out of it

    Also, I think there are two underlying issues. Mom is already retired and she is bored in her retirement. I have had aunts and uncles and friends of the family that had issues -- one retired first and they have no one to play with, or the opposite, they throw themselves into friends and volunteering or enjoy their routine and when the second person retires their routine is thrown off and they are not used to other being home and they are at odds. The second issue is boundaries -- mom should not be confiding in you -- i mean an offhand "i really would like to go to Greece. I am hoping will take the time off".

    I think mom should be encouraged to fill up her time with volunteering, taking a class, hobbies, the grandkids - whomever because she is bored with her retirement. My parents and grandparents never had a second home. My parents go on extended weekends but they never really go for any length of time. The money he makes will help if anything should happen to them.
    Remember some men feel identity is tied to their job.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    My dad worked til the day he died, at 65. He never took vacation time, he'd work thru it. He liked his job. My mother never talked to me about how she felt about it, so I dont know her thoughts. But she did volunteer work and helped with craft shows at a local senior's home. They never went anywhere other than grocery shopping once a week. I thought it was weird, because other kids had parents who owned cottages, traveled here and there, nothing extravagant, just small trips.

    Your mother could look into volunteering somewhere, going on a trip with a friend or relative, developing hobbies. I hope she's not sitting home watching The Price is Right.

    This is not your problem to solve, it's between them. Odds are your dad will keep working til he cant do it anymore or gets pensioned off and has to leave his job.

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