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Thread: Issue With My Parents

  1. #11
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Recommend to Mom a site called meetup.org and to make some new friends with whom she can travel.

    Does Dad have extra vacation time that he's not taking? If you want to approach such a convo from that angle, you can raise the topic of your own vacation time, how much time you get, how much you're allowed to roll over, etc. Then he might volunteer that information. If he does not, I wouldn't press it. It's not your issue to resolve, it's Mom's.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Compromise. No one has move or retire and she can travel with girlfriend.
    I know a few couples likes this. For that matter, this could easily be me later in life.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    I want to add a personal story. My mom worked hard her whole life, and she loved the position she had in later years. She kept working as long as she was physically able to, even when she was diagnosed with late stage cancer. We asked her if there was anything at all she wanted to do, that we could help make happen, but she insisted all she wanted was to live her regular life as long as possible. That involved going to work, tending to her yard and house, cooking and spending time with people she loved. She built a life she really loved.
    A few years prior to this, we had bought her a cruise vacation to Alaska - as she had talked about it since we were little kids. She was waiting on her partner to book time off and do it with her - she waited years. He still hasn't taken a vacation to this day, working every day. He's set to retire but I don't see him ever stopping working - for him, he will just work more on his farm.
    Point is, if mom had waited for him to change, if nothing had been done , she never would have went. Her dream vacation . May seem quaint to some, but to her, it was a big deal.
    You never know how things can change. This is why people here are encouraging you, if you say or do anything, to encourage your mom to not stop her living waiting on your dad to want the exact same experiences she wants all the time.

  4. #14
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I know for myself I donít want to travel with a friend or a stranger, no thanks. Much too nerve wracking. I married someone to be with them and travel with them.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Girl yer mom has access to a sack of cash....she can take you on trips since you are so close. It doesn't have to be week long trips but you can certainly go for a weekend somewhere, do some shopping and have fun. Go on a wine tour with her, or Vegas, or rent a beach cottage on a lake....better yet, convince them to buy a cottage on a lake so she can take off anytime and relax...take up kayaking or hiking....invite friends and family.

  7. #16
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    She should travel with friends. I know several friends who do this, as their partners do not like international travel.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    I married someone to be with them and travel with them.
    Great! A different angle that could be helpful. Take this statement one step further into a 'what if'. Pretend you're in the shoes of OP's Mom, and you're done with work and ready to travel. What if your husband resisted travel with you to the same degree that OP's Dad is resisting? How would you handle negotiating this?

  9. #18
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I might not. I have told my husband if he doesnít want to travel with me after 40 years of doing his stuff he can pack his bag .
    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    Great! A different angle that could be helpful. Take this statement one step further into a 'what if'. Pretend you're in the shoes of OP's Mom, and you're done with work and ready to travel. What if your husband resisted travel with you to the same degree that OP's Dad is resisting? How would you handle negotiating this?

  10. #19
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by j.man
    Between her very inappropriately confiding in you about this and the utter lack of respect for her it takes to even entertain the idea she's not a grown enough woman to handle her own marital interests with her own spouse, there's a whole lot of "wow" going on here.

    You don't want us to bring up the idea of you asserting boundaries rather than play therapist / marriage counselor, but if you come in here asking what 2 + 2 is, I'm going to tell you 4 regardless. You wanna volunteer to tread swamp water, then by all means be my guest. Learn to love the smell because that's pretty much all you or anyone else is gonna get from it. Perhaps if she no longer has venting to you as a bandaid, she can find the motivation to properly address her marital issues.
    I second this post.

  11. #20
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Have your mother do her own thing such as meet friends for meals, travel with them, travel with you, your family and work around her husband. Many couples do this and it's nothing unusual.

    My mother worked decades beyond normal retirement age. To each his or her own.

    I'm similar to your father. I don't enjoy living out of suitcase, traveling, hassling with airports, finally arriving at my home sweet home and asking why I left in the first place? There's plenty to do locally and within reasonable driving distance. In fact, I hate traveling!

    My husband travels a lot for work and the last thing he wants to do is travel yet again when he just came home.

    There's always a workaround when spouses disagree regarding travel vs. not traveling. It's perfectly fine to have separate interests, give each other space, reconvene and do other more local activities together. Sometimes the simple joys in life are best such as meals out, convenient outings and watching your bank account grow!

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