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Thread: GF went to see her Ex in Hospital

  1. #1
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    GF went to see her Ex in Hospital

    So I'll give a little background on the EX first. According to my GF he was abusive (once choked her) and a drug addict (cocaine). He also had a uncontrollable temper, probably due to the drug use. He also got her quite addicted to the cocaine as well. I know that's not his fault but I thought it was worth mentioning. Basically a horrible relationship that by no means ended on good terms. When she broke up with him I let her stay with me.

    6 years later we are still together, she isn't involved with any drugs and last year we bought a house together.

    So a few days ago she finds out from a friend that her EX got stabbed by his drug dealer (their drug dealer when they were together). This was obviously a dispute over drugs. He is in the hospital but they say he is going to be alright.

    Anyways yesterday the EX's mom text my GF and tells her that the EX was stabbed but will be OK and that he would like visitors in the hospital.

    So she went to visit him without telling me about it at all.

    I'm really pissed off about this and don't understand why she felt the need to see him. I can understand if the ex got into a car accident of got sick but the reason he is in the hospital is because hes a drug addict and can't control his temper, the main reasons she left him. I don't think in this situation it's right for her to visit him and a insult to me.

    Are my reactions/feelings justified or am I over reacting. I need a second opinion.

  2. #2
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    You're not overreacting. I'd be pissed too.

    Heck, even if it was a car accident, I'd be pissed. He's her ex, for many years now, and you're her boyfriend, for many years. Why is she still even in contact with him or his mom?

    My guess is, she's addicted to the drama that circles around him, and that this is way deeper than you think.

  3. #3
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    That's a tough one... I totally understand your anger that she went without talking to you about it first. I imagine I would react the same way in your position. I think maybe take a few breaths, make sure you're clear headed and out of the cloud of anger, and then calmly ask her why she felt the need to see this guy, and why she failed to mention it to you before she went. She doesn't need your permission, and I'm sure you realize that, but I think she definitely should have discussed it with you out of respect of your relationship. She had a history with this person, a turbulent unhealthy one, but a history nonetheless. She may have felt pressure or a sense of responsibility after the ex-mom texted her. Let her know it made you feel uncomfortable and/or disrespected that she went without a word to you. Wait until your emotions aren't running so high, and talk to her about it calmly so it doesn't escalate into something more.

    Good luck

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately, they are much more connected than you think/she tells you. He's not the problem. Her lies are.
    Originally Posted by beluke
    He also got her quite addicted to the cocaine as well.When she broke up with him I let her stay with me. 6 years later we are still together, she isn't involved with any drugs and last year we bought a house together.

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  6. #5
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    Justified. This guy sounds like a real loser. She is still not over him.

  7. #6
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    That's a rough spot. I can totally understand why you would be a bit miffed. I also agree that she should have said something to you about it.

    Trying to give her the benefit of the doubt: perhaps the ex sees this as an opportunity to get clean? Could this be her way of supporting/encouraging him in that?

  8. #7
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    She is probably over him and just likes him as a friend.

    I agree she makes bad choices in friends/lovers. However, it's not the OP's problem. She has to live her own life.

    People love to make mountains out of molehills. Let it go. Stop taking this love thing so seriously - otherwise, it may drive you crazy.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    She isn't over him most likely, and is probably hoping that he will eventually stop like she did and become the person he was meant to be.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by margotann3
    That's a tough one... I totally understand your anger that she went without talking to you about it first. I imagine I would react the same way in your position. I think maybe take a few breaths, make sure you're clear headed and out of the cloud of anger, and then calmly ask her why she felt the need to see this guy, and why she failed to mention it to you before she went. She doesn't need your permission, and I'm sure you realize that, but I think she definitely should have discussed it with you out of respect of your relationship. She had a history with this person, a turbulent unhealthy one, but a history nonetheless. She may have felt pressure or a sense of responsibility after the ex-mom texted her. Let her know it made you feel uncomfortable and/or disrespected that she went without a word to you. Wait until your emotions aren't running so high, and talk to her about it calmly so it doesn't escalate into something more.

    Good luck
    That's where it gets more frustrating. I wasn't able to fully cool down as she refuse to leave me alone about it but I don't think I got out of line. I told her i thought it was ed and that I'm really pissed about it. Her response was along the lines of. " I was just trying to be nice and didn't think about the way you would feel. Now I realize how stupid this is and looks and I'm truly sorry".
    That's almost more insulting in my opinion. How do you go to see an EX and not once in that decision even consider how your current BF would feel. I told her that I thought that was BS and I'm not buying it. She then told me "well I guess i was just being nosey".

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by loyal
    That's a rough spot. I can totally understand why you would be a bit miffed. I also agree that she should have said something to you about it.

    Trying to give her the benefit of the doubt: perhaps the ex sees this as an opportunity to get clean? Could this be her way of supporting/encouraging him in that?
    I won't get into the details but I know this guy as well. Long story short I was his supervisor at my last job (bad situation but that's a hole other story). I don't want to be negative and of course I'm biased but I don't think this is going to change anything in his life. Probably just going to give him a desire for revenge.

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