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Thread: GF went to see her Ex in Hospital

  1. #31
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    Keep in mind that there's often a fine line between forgiveness and being a doormat. At any rate, I'm not buying her story, along with not believing this is her first rodeo, but this is JMO as well as being your call.

    Choose wisely...

  2. #32
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by saluk
    Well gee, of course you don't trust her since she started down the road (who knows how far down the road she went) to cheating on you. Your newest story is much more damning than going to see an ex in the hospital. It seems like this hospital visit should be easy for you to forgive... but for the fact that she hid it from you and it's another thing she hid from you. You would never have heard the other story either if her friend didn't have a falling out. I'm not sure how you are supposed to trust her at this point.
    Yeah, this, especially the last sentence.

    I'm just going on what you're giving here, but it sounds like your girlfriend is a magnet to and instigator of drama and—because a dynamic is always built by two—that you like being the one to dilute the drama by being pragmatic, rational, patient, even stepping in, at least in those early days, as a rescuer of sorts, the steady hand to righten her ship.

    She's worried about a friend and texts her husband? Totally understandable. She asks that those texts be deleted? Unnecessary. Taints a kind gesture in a way where, especially with the added juice of her thinking her husband is hot, you have to wonder if kindness was the full agenda. And she's talking up her friend's husband's charms while another guy is en route to see what's what? And a month later, after all that had been sussed out the bigger stuff behind it came to the surface, she's off to the hospital to see her ex without thinking that might not go over well?

    I don't know. All that would be easy enough for me to understand, sympathize with, and forgive. But is it a sturdy enough rod to hang my future on? I'd struggle not to be asking that question, as I imagine you are now. You'll find the answer that works for you, I have no doubt.

  3. #33
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    Why the hell would she say to anyone she'd sleep with a friend's husband if he were single...???

    And her meeting up with guys and all this bs about her ex, she's def cheated.

    The trust is ruined, no point dragging it on.

    She doesn't respect you and you really deserve a lot more than this bs.

  4. #34
    Platinum Member WithLove's Avatar
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    In light of your update -

    I still think that her seeing her ex while he was at the hospital has merit of being innocent, but I definitely believe she was caught in a bad situation where she flirted and got caught. She clearly only would have told you if forced to, which she was. Otherwise, you'd still have no idea.

    I honestly think that there's probably more out there that you may not know about. How many other times has this male coworker flirted with her or come to see her that you don't know about? Idk. Despite her "flirting with intent" or not, she crossed a line. You shouldn't have to emotionally or physically cheat on a partner in order to determine if they are worth it to you.

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  6. #35
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Classic defense-offence maneuver. Make it Your problem (you have trust issues). Step back and take a long hard look at her choice of derelicts as friends, her deceit and her continued party girl behavior. Google "Captain Save-A-H". Reflect on why you need to pull people like this off the street and rescue them.
    Originally Posted by beluke
    She is also now telling me "clearly you don't trust me" in reaction to me being pissed off about the EX visit.

  7. #36
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    You get to decide how much offense you want to take and to what degree you want for this to be a defining issue in your relationship. Nobody here is in your shoes, so w e don't get a vote. If you want to salvage the relationship, then consider her remorse and work on turning this around--without lording it over her. If you want to end the relationship, then there's no sense in torturing yourself with indignation.

    Either you view your partner as trustworthy, or you do not. You're the only one with that answer.

  8. #37
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    You basically took this woman in to escape an abusive, drug addicted loser. The Knight in shining armour. instead of just a place to crash until she found a place, you are still together. She has learned nothing about her last relationship because you swooped in and took care of her. Now she is getting complacent - some people just need drama and can't deal with the lack of chaos so she is going back to the old ways of associating with people that are no good for her - the friends, included, and she is only going to get into more trouble and will continue to convince you bad stuff just happens to her all the time like an innocent bystander. I totally believe that mom of the ex contacted her -- but i also believe that she has not really healed from the abusive relationship with her ex so he still has a bit of a hold on her. I don't think she wants him romantically, though.

    I hope the house is in your name, only.

  9. #38
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    I've been in situations a couple of times where I've been told that an ex is in a bit of a predicament, and my instant reaction was to ask if I could help/visit/whatever. In fact, it never came to that, but I can understand why your girlfriend would have set off immediately to visit the hospital to see someone who'd been stabbed. It doesn't mean for a minute that she still holds a torch for him. I certainly didn't when I was in a similar situation; if I were you I'd accept the apology.

    However... that other story, with all the adolescent-style texting and flirting, would give me pause for thought. This whole scenario sounds more like a bunch of teenagers than adults who are supposedly married or in committed relationships, and I certainly wouldn't want to be party to those petty dramas - even if it was only at a distance.

    Still - your call. You're the only one who can decide whether you trust her or not.

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