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I've been gaining a lot of weight


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I've been stressed out and I've been abusing food. For the past 6 months I have not had the willpower to stop myself even as my clothes get too tight. I'm so uncomfortable going to work because my clothes don't fit. I need to lose at least 10 lbs so that I can avoid a wardrobe malfunction. I've made lots of commitments to myself and then the moment that something comes up (and it always does) I turn to food. This week alone has been terrible. I left a meeting on Tuesday and went straight to the supermarket to pick up liquor and cheetos which I had for dinner. Its been like this for awhile.

 

I don't feel bitter anymore but I have no idea how to channel my stress. I work for myself and its been a struggle to keep the doors open. This year for the first time in 10 years I had to pay staff late... and then in installments because vendors don't pay on time. Sometimes I feel angry with my staff when they do not help. They don't see the connection between collections and their salary. I would replace them if I thought I could improve upon them. My car was down for 6 weeks and I didn't have the money to fix it, license and insure it.

 

I am the friend everyone turns to with their problems. I am overwhelmed with the problems of everyone else in addition to my own. I used to have a therapist but at some point that relationship flipped and she started sharing her problems with me. I used to have a mentor and at some point that relationship flipped and now he comes to me for help. Everyone comes to me for help. People are so inconsiderate. One night a friend of mine called me and I said that I was feeling tired helping people make decisions and I wanted a break and she just kept talking like she didn't hear me. Everyone relies on me and I have nobody on whom I can rely. There is nobody I can call. I am so alone. On top of that I am gaining so much weight. I am completely out of ideas for things to try. I started going to the gym again but I don't have the motivation or discipline to be consistent. Even when I do go to them gym I am eating far more than my exercise regimen can work off. none of my old tricks are working. On some level I just don't care how I look anymore.

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Why don't you channel your stress to exercise, instead of food. Nothing calms me more than taking a fast walk or light run.

 

You are making an active choice to make terrible food choices. Have you considered addressing why you turn to food to self medicate? Have you sought out Weight Watchers or a similar program?

 

You are not a victim, but part of the problem. You enable these people. You need to establish boundaries and shut down these emotional vampires. You also need to address why YOU are attracted to people like this. Take some control and make change!

 

Get a new therapist and get your life under control. You are not helpless.

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I tried keto which lasted about a week. Maybe some sort of challenge is a better idea. I can be competitive sometimes. I just need a good group. Maybe something from the internet. I tried it with friends already but they don't have a weight problem and even less commitment than me. i have a serious problem which I need to control

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Why don't you channel your stress to exercise, instead of food. Nothing calms me more than taking a fast walk or light run.

 

You are making an active choice to make terrible food choices. Have you considered addressing why you turn to food to self medicate? Have you sought out Weight Watchers or a similar program?

 

You are not a victim, but part of the problem. You enable these people. You need to establish boundaries and shut down these emotional vampires. You also need to address why YOU are attracted to people like this. Take some control and make change!

 

Get a new therapist and get your life under control. You are not helpless.

 

I don't mind helping people. More often than not I am happy to help if I can. That is why I attract and am attracted to these people. If I wasn't going through so much financial stress I wouldn't be bothered. Right now my cup is full of challenges. I've barely been meeting my obligations. Otherwise I would have just gone to a yoga class or something destressing. I injured myself because my footwear was old.I just bought new sneakers last month. I don't even know where to begin looking for a new therapist. They aren't that common where I live. So I guess instead I am talking to the good people on the internet

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Iused to do yoga a few years ago but then I had a shoulder injury and downward dog was a painful experience. I strained my rotator cuff so it was painful to sleep or put on clothes or drive. i think it is ok now so maybe I will go back to that. That is a helpful suggestion. Thanks

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I'm sorry, but you just stated how overwhelmed you were with all of these people turning to you:" Everyone comes to me for help. People are so inconsiderate. One night a friend of mine called me and I said that I was feeling tired helping people make decisions and I wanted a break and she just kept talking like she didn't hear me. Everyone relies on me and I have nobody on whom I can rely. There is nobody I can call. I am so alone." You are talking out of both sides of your mouth. Your friendships have an unhealthy dynamic, and you need to address why you like to play therapist to so many. Perhaps, you are co dependent, or it keeps the focus off of your own issues.

 

Your diet and and lack of exercise are within your control. I strongly suggest you drop the excuses and complaining regarding lifestyle and friends, and make some better choices all around. I am not trying to be harsh, but you have created all of these issues for yourself.

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What happened financially?

 

Alot of things, The market shifted so that there is an oversupply of products which depressed prices. Its affecting everyone in retail. I worked along with two other persons who bowed out of business last year so we actually performed a redundancy exercise which was financially and emotionally taxing. Two new partners were to come on board but they did not meet their financial obligations or expectations and eventually they just left. The two of us who remained had to make up the difference. So that my costs have skyrocketed and income is down.

 

As to playing therapist to all my friends, I don't know how to be anything else. Right now I only feel alone. If I cut everyone off I will be actually alone. Those are two entirely different things

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Alot of things, The market shifted so that there is an oversupply of products which depressed prices. Its affecting everyone in retail. I worked along with two other persons who bowed out of business last year so we actually performed a redundancy exercise which was financially and emotionally taxing. Two new partners were to come on board but they did not meet their financial obligations or expectations and eventually they just left. The two of us who remained had to make up the difference. So that my costs have skyrocketed and income is down.

 

As to playing therapist to all my friends, I don't know how to be anything else. Right now I only feel alone. If I cut everyone off I will be actually alone. Those are two entirely different things

 

I am so sorry for your financial issues. Will you continue with the business?

 

You need to change the type of 'friendships' you have. The dynamic is not healthy and you are not experiencing what a friendship should be. There is a reason that you choose these people, due to a co dependent nature and low self esteem. Please look into CODA.org. You should never feel alone in your friendships. I also suggest you seek out new friends, and lose the users that are currently in your life. You already are alone, so what will you lose.

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I'm reading a lot of excuses why you "can't" do this or that to get healthy.

 

What CAN you do?

 

I can tell you that CHOOSING to buy Cheetos and beer for dinner is on you.

 

If you don't buy it you can't eat it.

 

And no one said you should cut off all your friends. Just make healthy boundaries, such as meeting up for a brisk walk while you discuss healthy living instead if having a whine fest.

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Yes, I'll continue with the business. I've invested some energy and money into rebranding which I think is already paying off. The last two months were the first time in over a year that I have been in the black. I finally have a little money in savings and I am terrified to touch it.

 

The friendships all started off fine. I'm not sure when the shift takes place or what to do about it. Losing them isn't helpful. The problem is me. In some way I have invited this inconsiderate behaviour and I don't know when or how.

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I'm reading a lot of excuses why you "can't" do this or that to get healthy.

 

What CAN you do?

 

I can tell you that CHOOSING to buy Cheetos and beer for dinner is on you.

 

If you don't buy it you can't eat it.

 

And no one said you should cut off all your friends. Just make healthy boundaries, such as meeting up for a brisk walk while you discuss healthy living instead if having a whine fest.

 

I didn't realise I had slipped into so much self pity. I guess this is a good reason to talk things over with people. I only have one friend who I could do the walk and talk thing. Maybe I can join the running club that she is in. I know I control my life. I've just been feeling so overwhelmed stressed and sad.

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I didn't realise I had slipped into so much self pity. I guess this is a good reason to talk things over with people. I only have one friend who I could do the walk and talk thing. Maybe I can join the running club that she is in. I know I control my life. I've just been feeling so overwhelmed stressed and sad.

 

Do you think what you have been doing helps with the stress and sadness? Or does it make them worse?

 

Buy healthy food and keep it at home. When you leave work and are tempted to stop at the convenience store for junky crap, remind yourself that it will make you feel worse and that you have healthy delicious snacks at home.

 

Remember, if you have time to stop at the convenience store you have time to stop at the grocery store.

 

Eating healthier is a great start. You'll begin feeling better almost immediately.

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I can totally relate. What I did was I got rid of the stress....I ditch my issues with my mom, I delegated more of my work responsibilities to someone else, I now shut my husband down when he start in on complaining, and being negative, I gave myself more ME time....I am sleeping much better, which makes me feel sooooo much happier. I also stopped sweating the small stuff/little worries. So my advice is to start letting things that cause you stress GO, let it all go.

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Then do not allow them to use you as therapist. Change the convo. Do they listen and support you?

 

Have you made an effort to make new friends?

 

Happy to hear the business is improving.

 

Maybe that is on me. I don't like to complain about my problems. It doesn't make me feel better and doesn't fix the problem. So I just end up listening to people go on and on about everything that bothers them till it becomes a habit I guess. Then when I finally have an issue there's nobody to listen because they're so used to talking about themselves. When I don't complain people just assume that i don't have any problems. Or they like to do the thing where they are convinced that their problems are bigger than your problems and that is a competition I don't want to win.

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Make more friends. You should not limit yourself.

 

Have you tried volunteering, or joined any clubs that may be of interest? Clubs that involve exercise: running, walking, hiking, dancing etc.....

 

It is time to stop playing therapist. How exhausting.

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I can totally relate. What I did was I got rid of the stress....I ditch my issues with my mom, I delegated more of my work responsibilities to someone else, I now shut my husband down when he start in on complaining, and being negative, I gave myself more ME time....I am sleeping much better, which makes me feel sooooo much happier. I also stopped sweating the small stuff/little worries. So my advice is to start letting things that cause you stress GO, let it all go.

 

 

Thanks. You all have made me feel so much better. I do need to figure out how to introduce self care into my day. I think you hit the nail on the head. I need to shut people down when they bring the negativity. Or at the very least to cut it short so that it doesn't last hours. I can't tell the last time I got my nails done.

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Make more friends. You should not limit yourself.

 

Have you tried volunteering, or joined any clubs that may be of interest? Clubs that involve exercise: running, walking, hiking, dancing etc.....

 

It is time to stop playing therapist. How exhausting.

 

Thanks Holly J. And thank you to everyone who took the time to respond. I was feeling really low this morning and you all have been helpful. I dobelong ti some cubs but I stopped going when things started getting rough. Maybe that was a mistake. I will take your suggestions and see which ones will work best with my schedule. I am going to spend a little money on myself this weekend and spend some time reflecting. I have to get ready for a meeting so I will be away from the computer for a while.

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Thanks Holly J. And thank you to everyone who took the time to respond. I was feeling really low this morning and you all have been helpful. I dobelong ti some cubs but I stopped going when things started getting rough. Maybe that was a mistake. I will take your suggestions and see which ones will work best with my schedule. I am going to spend a little money on myself this weekend and spend some time reflecting. I have to get ready for a meeting so I will be away from the computer for a while.

 

All the best!

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Re-read your thread here for a lot of insight into your current set of problems:

 

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=546116

 

Find a new therapist who specializes in the specific issues you mention, and print out your post and bring it in and work through it.

 

Your weight gain and your constant acceptance of people into your life who only want, need, and take are likely very intertwined with these childhood issues.

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