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Thread: Girlfriend broke up with me because her mother died. Any advice please?

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Are you generally clingy in matters or romance? Do you generally need to feel that you are someone's major focus?

    I ask because, while I understand you've been thrown a bit of a curveball, it seems that anything that isn't about you immediately becomes a verdict on you. She liked your flowers, made them her phone's background—lovely. She's letting you know she's feeling anxious and needs a bit of space—equally lovely. Shoot her a quick, compassionate reply ("Totally understand—thinking of you") and then go about your life, respecting what she is saying and where she is at.

    You need some space too. You're anxious too. Right now you want her to cure you and soothe you, but it doesn't work that way, not even in the best of circumstances. So make some some plans with people you like to do things that you like. That is good for you, and you can't be good to her, in any capacity, if you're not good on your own too feet.

    You're going to see her again, sooner than later. If that's in nine days—well, that's in nine days. It's just nine days. A blink in the scheme of things. In between now and then check in with her plenty, understanding that any response you get from her is okay. You're not checking in to see her, or get back together, or to secretly make sure she didn't have "too much fun" out with friends—but because she is a human being you care about who is in pain.
    I guess you could say I like to feel secure in whatever relationship I am in, friendships included. I hardly ever feel that way anymore though. I have been broken up with 3 times in two years, all of them completely out of the blue, always due to the girls family issues or mental health problems, and I am finding it harder and harder to trust and open myself up to people.

    I am finding it really difficult to motivate myself to do anything right now. Which is strange for me, since I am always such a driven person. All I keep doing is thinking about her, mulling over the last words she said to me, thinking of things I could of done different, and beating myself up over it.

    Anyone have any advice on how to focus on me again and get that motivation back??? Is the only way to do that for me to try and move on?? Constantly talking to her is just a reminder of everything I lost, but I always want to help her in this really tough time, I have no idea what is the right option.

  2. #22
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    Why do you choose to start relationships with women who have mental health problems?

    Normally a person is discouraged from trying to form romantic relationships when they're receiving treatment for mental health issues, at least until those issues are reasonably well maintained.

    Perhaps you're attracted to these women BECAUSE of their mental issues. If so, why?

  3. #23
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    Just wanted to give all of you awesome people an update.

    So she called me today, saying that she thought she could do friends but it is too confusing and is hurting her. I told her I felt the same. To cut a long story short, we have decided to go no contact for 2-3 months so that we can both focus on ourselves. Then after that time, maybe catch up for a coffee.

    I’ve decided to move on, and take as much learning experiences as I can from this. Just going to focus on doing things that make me happy, see my friends, focus on college, and get back into playing music.

    I guess there isn’t always a happy ending. But atleast I have learnt some valuable lessons, so that hopefully my next relationship goes better.

    Thanks again for all the support guys, if it wasn’t for all your kind words, I would still have been stuck in bed grieving.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Perhaps you're the one who should focus on yourself and your own emotional health? Why point fingers when you're the common denominator of all this?
    Originally Posted by george1993
    I have been broken up with 3 times in two years, all of them completely out of the blue, always due to the girls family issues or mental health problems.

    I am finding it really difficult to motivate myself to do anything right now.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I'm sorry to hear about this, knowing it hurts, but it sounds like you've both recognized what's really needed here—for each of you, out of respect to where both of you are in your head, hearts, and lives. It's not the "happy ending," I know, but mutual respect is big stuff. The biggest, I'd say.

    You sound like a great dude, as she sounds great. Timing, alas, was not it your favor. It happens, and is always tough. Best of luck on the journey forward and thanks for keeping us updated.

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