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Thread: Separated after 10 years

  1. #21
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DKA
    And now Iím continuing my slide back to denial and anxiety has kicked in. In the past Iíve always reached out to try to rescue the relationship but nothing was ever resolved and have those fantasy thoughts again. I have pages of journal notes I re-read to reinforce my decision and think logical but emotions are rampant and cloud rational judgement. Why is it that we slip sometimes from what we know to be right and true? I had a really bad night .
    Why? . . I don't know. I want to believe that when we recover from backsliding we push that much further ahead.
    Hence the saying, two steps forward, one step back.
    Just recognize it's just part of the process and don't give it any more value than it deserves.
    There are no short cuts. Ride it out and hang in there.

  2. #22
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    Update:

    Iím doing well and feel somewhat indifferent but somewhat guarded of my emotions. My wife has tried multiple attempts at drawing me into an emotional conversation but I have stayed disengaged.
    Sometimes I feel like Iím a cold human being by being non-responsive and indifferent but itís almost like self protection. The relationship was emotionally exhausting and I am beginning to feel invigorated without the guilt I felt earlier.

    I will note that I do recognize that the mental breakup began long before the actual separation. It was only after journaling that I discovered this fact and I encourage everyone to journal their feelings.

    I thank everyone here and their input. I hope to someday give back valuable insight that assists someone else.

  3. #23
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    Another update, I guess I just need to vent. A step backwards over the past few days and this morning I feel sad and depressed. It's been helpful to read through my journal notes from the past month or so, to remind me of all that has happened between us, but it all feels very surreal this morning. Like either the breakup didn't happen or the marriage didn't happen. I seem to have lost the indifferent feeling I had in place. My support network isn't very big so could use some words of encouragement. I still see a therapist once a week and he's been very helpful. We've been working on understanding why I ended up in this marriage and a more in-depth understanding of BPD and narcissism. The sense of longing can be overwhelming at times.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DKA
    Another update, I guess I just need to vent. A step backwards over the past few days and this morning I feel sad and depressed. It's been helpful to read through my journal notes from the past month or so, to remind me of all that has happened between us, but it all feels very surreal this morning. Like either the breakup didn't happen or the marriage didn't happen. I seem to have lost the indifferent feeling I had in place. My support network isn't very big so could use some words of encouragement. I still see a therapist once a week and he's been very helpful. We've been working on understanding why I ended up in this marriage and a more in-depth understanding of BPD and narcissism. The sense of longing can be overwhelming at times.
    Thank you for the update. Sad and depressed is ok. You're working through it. Keep seeing your therapist. It is ok to feel lonely, bereft and disoriented. Letting go and grieving are part of the process. Keep up the good work journalling. It sounds progressive and positive overall for you. Looking back on the journal entries gives insight into your thought processes. Don't be afraid to share those entries during therapy or ask your therapist about questions you may have about the way you process events and your emotions.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Thank you for the update. Sad and depressed is ok. You're working through it. Keep seeing your therapist. It is ok to feel lonely, bereft and disoriented. Letting go and grieving are part of the process. Keep up the good work journalling. It sounds progressive and positive overall for you. Looking back on the journal entries gives insight into your thought processes. Don't be afraid to share those entries during therapy or ask your therapist about questions you may have about the way you process events and your emotions.
    Thanks. I read a book yesterday cover to cover call Healing from Hidden Abuse, which was very enlightening. It also triggered a lot of memories, both bad and good, which created a little more anxiety. The good memories I'm learning, may be based on an adrenaline rush I received from the crumbs I was given over the years. Now that that is gone, I have a void of adrenaline, which is allowing anxiety and depression to show.

  7. #26
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    Hit the two month mark of detached contact the other day. Our only communication have been short sentences regarding finances, which should be settled this week. My anxiety level and sadness has gone up considerably over the past few days, I assume in anticipation of closing this chapter of life, but also hesitant/scared/alone and longing. Amazing the way the brain works. Breakups suck for sure and I've begun to see how some people may just avoid relationships altogether.

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