Please Tell Me Your Opinion.

New to this Forum, and would really like to know other people’s advice out in the world. My Ex and I were together off & on for 7 years. We broke up *officially around February/March. We had a real special bond, it was different. Recently she unblocked me from Instagram only for me to see her kissing another guy, as her profile picture. I’m confused to why she’s go out of her way to do something so ugly, knowing the would bother me, and that I’d see it on my own eventually. She also just weeks ago, used a burner number from an app to wish me a happy birthday. I’m confused as to what all this means and would really like to hear what others have to say about it. I can go into detail about the relationship, how it started. How it ended. But thought I’d open with this, just to create a dialogue with myself and the users of this site. Please give me your honest opinion, regardless to how explicit. Need some answers from both Men & Women

Well, speaking frankly what I see from this is a bond that is not so special, at least not any more.

She is seeing someone, but using burner numbers to reach out to you? That's lousy behavior for all three parties involved. She unblocks you so you can see her new, dewy profile picture? I suppose we could write a treatise on all that, but the Cliff's Notes go: lame, lame, lame.

Personally, I think people who need to flaunt new relationships in profile pictures are overcompensating for some kind of deep discontent, so I'd say her desire for you to see it is an attempt to spread that discontent around so she can feel momentarily better. And, in saying that, I'd ask why you want to devote your energy in even understanding what is so clearly childish and cruel behavior from a fellow adult?

Seven years is a good chunk of life, I get it. Takes a lot of time to remove the thorns. You're doing that however you're doing it. She's doing it her way, without grace, with malice, with using social media as a weapon. I'd take this whole chapter as a reminder that those on/off years are best ended with the off switch, as most all on/off relationships are.

It sounds like she is trying to make you jealous for some reason. Perhaps, she is quite immature and is thinking that making you jealous is the way to get you back? Perhaps, she is quite immature and just wants you to know how wonderful her life is.

My guess is that she is lacking something in her life...she doesn't feel special. And she knows that you have made her feel that way. She wants your attention. Just don't give it to her.

Whenever a poster comes here and states we had a very special bond but on/off for x years, what it really means is that you've been stuck in an unhealthy, toxic, high drama, up and down mess for years and because the adrenaline rush you get from it all is addictive, you are carrying on with it despite how damaging it actually is to you. What's damaging? Well......it's stopping you from healing, getting your head screwed on straight, finding a healthy woman, a healthy relationship and actually getting what you want out of life. Your entire personal energy is wasted on drama.

So what do her actions mean? Just more of same old same old - drama. Put down the pipe and walk away. Life is too short to waste even another week on this.

I don't think there's anything wrong with posting whatever she wants. I think individuals can feel proud about whomever they date or whatever they wish to portray to the world provided they're not ascribing to any hate dialogues (racism, bigotry, harmful attacks on others or offensive etc). I'm fairly neutral on it and like seeing others happy.

The problem is that she's bothering you in the process by prank calls and blocking/unblocking and you're letting it happen to you. The only person you have to look to is yourself, I'm afraid. You're too open and vulnerable to her and her antics so start whittling away all these types of things in your life. If you've only been used to poor relationships and poor friendships in the mix, you may have internalized and created this as your type of "normal". Let go of all that. Let go of the seven years too and don't beat yourself up over it incessantly. You deserve to move on.

I think its simple ,she might have send you the happy birthday cause she still cares about you and the new relationship with the new guy might be just that, her moving on but i have a question for you rather than an answer to what you asking .Do you want her back? if its a yes ,best thing to do is talk to her be really honest with her about how you feel (in person not on the phone).I dont know whats the cause of the on and off thing but im pretty sure that only you and her can fix it together thats if you still want to be with her.And if that doesnt work only thing you can do it also move on ,cause clearly it hasnt been working out if you were on and off for 7 years and if you both decide to get back together something has to change ,thats all i can say for now given the little details you gave .It would be better if you gave more details on the relationship.

Whenever a poster comes here and states we had a very special bond but on/off for x years, what it really means is that you've been stuck in an unhealthy, toxic, high drama, up and down mess for years and because the adrenaline rush you get from it all is addictive, you are carrying on with it despite how damaging it actually is to you. What's damaging? Well......it's stopping you from healing, getting your head screwed on straight, finding a healthy woman, a healthy relationship and actually getting what you want out of life. Your entire personal energy is wasted on drama.

 

So what do her actions mean? Just more of same old same old - drama. Put down the pipe and walk away. Life is too short to waste even another week on this.

I agree.

Block her from everything.

You didn't have a special bond if you two were off and on for 7 YEARS.....that's insane. If you couldn't make it work the first two times you should have called it quits.....when I hear off and on, I think codependency. A relationship that is codependent is toxic./unhealthy. If you don't see that your are in this type of relationship, it becomes a revolving door of breakups/getting back together. Nothing has changed because you don't see the problem...getting back together is never the answer, so you are chasing the dragon over and over. As they say you desire most what you can't have...and this is where you keep finding yourself. It's time to break the cycle, and go full on no contact, block/delete all social media, emails, cel# and even friends in common if you have to, in order to finally move on. I agree life is way too short to be wasting your energy on this.

It would be exhausting to be on/off for 7 Years no less deal with all these games. When you're ready to ditch all this drama, delete and block her and All her people from All your social media and All your messaging apps. Your peace, happiness and finding decent women and love are up to you, not her.

My Ex and I were together off & on for 7 years.

Recently she unblocked me from Instagram only for me to see her kissing another guy

She also just weeks ago, used a burner number from an app to wish me a happy birthday.