First date topics

I’m going on a first date with someone I sort of know already. We hardly have anything in common that I’ve noticed. It’s just a mutual attraction. I’m interested in getting to know him more but I’m on the quiet /awkward side. What are some topics to talk about or things to ask?

 

Thank you.

Be a good listener. Segue from things in the conversation naturally. Mention a few things you like then volley a question about his likes, interests etc. Avoid religion, politics and of course exes.

I agree with Wiseman2.

 

I've noticed whenever I'm with people whether family, friends, acquaintances, new introductions or anyone for that matter, people love nothing more than to talk about themselves forever! They'll go on and on if you let them. The minute it's about you, they'll yawn, grow bored and their attention will wander. However, if you focus and concentrate on them while giving them the floor, they can talk your ears off. (This is on the phone, too.)

 

Ask a lot of questions about his life and whatever he wishes to talk about (within reason of course - avoid controversial subjects). Make it all about him. Constantly deflect and people will bask in the spotlight including your date.

Personally, I like asking “why” a lot. I feel it brings conversations beyond the superficial and lets you see inside their personality a bit (but don’t go overboard on this)

 

For example:

If you know he’s into playing baseball, you can say “Nice! What is it about baseball that you like? Do you love the summer? Or the fitness aspect? Or did you play as a kid?” From there, depending on his answers you can ask follow-up questions depending on where it leads.

 

This works with most things. If he’s an accountant, for example, ask him what made him choose accounting as a profession. Is he a math kind of guy? Did he always like math? ALL math? What about calculus (that’s the worst! Lol!) Are most people in his family accountants, etc.

 

To me, that’s taking an interest in a person. Trying to see what makes them tick.

 

... but it has to come from a place of genuine playful curiosity and interest as opposed to a place of judging.

Safe topics I have asked: If the person had always lived in the local town/State, or if they lived elsewhere growing up. What types of movies do they like watching (if any). If they have pets or not. More about exactly what it is they do at work/duties/tasks. If they have siblings. You can divulge your hobbies/interests, and that might open up a discussion of if he's ever done those activities or not, or might be interested in joining you in the activity in the future.

 

Have fun!

I’m going on a first date with someone I sort of know already. We hardly have anything in common that I’ve noticed. It’s just a mutual attraction. I’m interested in getting to know him more but I’m on the quiet /awkward side. What are some topics to talk about or things to ask?

 

Thank you.

 

If you look up "getting to know you questions" on Google, you will find 100's of options that you can use to start conversation. The questions are designed to elicit responses of excitement, passion, or joy in the person being asked. Watch and listen for the response you get... if he seems excited, ask more questions about it. If not, try a different question. Keep it light and if you can find a way to inject humour into the conversation, do it.

 

Stay away from questions about past relationships, relationship goals, politics, sex, religion, family issues, personal and health issues, etc. You can always ask questions about those as you get to know each other more and develop more intimacy.

 

Hopefully you are not doing all of the driving and their is back and forth in your responses.

My biggest advice is treat it casual, and not like a job interview. Be relaxed, and most importantly, be yourself. You being relaxed will make him more relaxed, and vice versa. You don't have to constantly ask each other questions back and forth, it's kinda awkward doing that. I promise you that he is thinking the same exact thing as you are also.

 

Walk into the date care-free with no expectations. Like your friends, conversation should be natural and freely happen. As others have said though, try to avoid politics, sex, exes, and religion. If any of those accidentally come up (religion and politics is a big one), try to change the conversation to something else. Unless you both hate/like Trump or something, then I guess it's okay to talk about it as that's something you have in common.

I agree with Wiseman2.

 

I've noticed whenever I'm with people whether family, friends, acquaintances, new introductions or anyone for that matter, people love nothing more than to talk about themselves forever! They'll go on and on if you let them. The minute it's about you, they'll yawn, grow bored and their attention will wander. However, if you focus and concentrate on them while giving them the floor, they can talk your ears off. (This is on the phone, too.)

 

Ask a lot of questions about his life and whatever he wishes to talk about (within reason of course - avoid controversial subjects). Make it all about him. Constantly deflect and people will bask in the spotlight including your date.

 

Yes and I wouldn't assume the person is self absorbed if what they are talking about are topics of mutual interest - so travel, music, books, theater, TV shows, movies, etc and not in the stilted way of "so seen any good movies lately?" -ask good follow up questions and maintain eye contact. I confess i once impressed a date by reading up on his college football team who'd just played in a major game a day or so before our date -he thought it was cute that I went to the trouble!

I wouldn't worry so much about it. Go with the flow and be a good listener but don't nod at everything he says. You should know yourself and what you're about, your goals, where you're headed in life and have your own opinion about different things. Don't be afraid to agree or disagree with his ideas, be thoughtful and ask him what he thinks on different things. When you innately know yourself, the conversation will flow. I wouldn't worry about impressing him or appearing any other way except your genuine self.

It's not as hard as you think. You don't have a problem talking to your friends, right? A relationship is a friendship on fire.

The most important thing for me to learn about a new date is whether he's dating for the same reasons I am. Self honesty has led me to the clarity that I am relationship material as opposed to some version of 'casual' or a willingness to pretzel myself to accept anyone else's ambiguity--and then try to manipulate that into what I want.

 

So dating, for me, is a screening device for a long term relationship. It would make no sense for me to tip-toe around the topics of dating goals and whether a guy views himself as relationship material also. If a guy lacks clarity about what he wants, then that doesn't make him a villain, it just means he's just not the right match for me. That's something I'll want to know early.

I’m going on a first date with someone I sort of know already. We hardly have anything in common that I’ve noticed. It’s just a mutual attraction. I’m interested in getting to know him more but I’m on the quiet /awkward side. What are some topics to talk about or things to ask?

 

Thank you.

why would you want to go out with someone with nothing in common?

why would you want to go out with someone with nothing in common?

 

I dunno, maybe cause he/she just said there is a mutual attraction?

 

Having things in common is highly over-rated in my opinion; we have things in common with friends, not necessarily lovers.

 

In fact, in many cases, it's the lack of common interests that draws people together (romantically), the dichotomy of personality and interests, and when that happens you can each introduce the other to things that may not have interested them before, but do now.

 

Initially, I haven't always had things in common with my boyfriends, but there was a huge mental and physical attraction, eventually an emotional attraction, and we learned from each other and grew in ways we might not have otherwise, had if we had not pursued our attraction based on lack of common interests.

I’m going on a first date with someone I sort of know already. We hardly have anything in common that I’ve noticed. It’s just a mutual attraction. I’m interested in getting to know him more but I’m on the quiet /awkward side. What are some topics to talk about or things to ask?

 

Thank you.

 

Just allow the date to play out naturally and organically. Don't force conversation or topics to discuss, it will feel too contrived and not natural which is the kiss of death, especially on a first date!

 

Just feel the energy/chemistry between you (if there is any) and let that energy take you wherever it's meant to take you.

 

You know I tell this story a lot on this forum, but when I met my long term ex (broke up 3.5 years ago), and even my last boyfriend to some extent, the attraction (and thus the tension) was so intense, I could barely speak!! lol

 

We always laughed about it later, cause we were both just sitting there feeling too anxious to speak, but then, he kissed me and that was that!! Broke the tension and we managed to get a few words out after that. However, it took some time before we really got to know each other.

I dunno, maybe cause he/she just said there is a mutual attraction?

 

Having things in common is highly over-rated in my opinion; we have things in common with friends, not necessarily lovers.

 

In fact, in many cases, it's the lack of common interests that draws people together (romantically), the dichotomy of personality and interests, and when that happens you can each introduce the other to things that may not have interested them before, but do now.

 

Initially, I haven't always had things in common with my boyfriends, but there was a huge mental and physical attraction, eventually an emotional attraction, and we learned from each other and grew in ways we might not have otherwise, had if we had not pursued our attraction based on lack of common interests.

I disagree with that

I disagree with that

 

No worries, that's the beauty of forums like this - the OP posts a question, gets all sorts of different opinions and advice and gets to choose the advice that works best for him/her.

 

Just like we all get to choose what works for us.

 

Oh and by the way, just wanted to say I know many people who think like you, that having common interests is important and has value, I just don't happen to be one of them.

 

I think you can start off by having no common interests, but then learn to appreciate and embrace your differences rather than reject each other for it. And perhaps even learn to enjoy an interest you might not have otherwise had you chosen to initially reject the person.

 

Anyway, again no worries, whatever works.

No worries, that's the beauty of forums like this - the OP posts a question, gets all sorts of different opinions and advice and gets to choose the advice that works best for him/her.

 

Just like we all get to choose what works for us.

 

Oh and by the way, just wanted to say I know many people who think like you, that having common interests is important and has value, I just don't happen to be one of them.

 

I think you can start off by having no common interests, but then learn to appreciate and embrace your differences rather than reject each other for it. And perhaps even learn to enjoy an interest you might not have otherwise had you chosen to initially reject the person.

 

Anyway, again no worries, whatever works.

LOL, I do like the way you think though... how do I put it.... you seem very open to different possibilities....

LOL, I do like the way you think though... how do I put it.... you seem very open to different possibilities....

 

lol, yeah that's me alright - my mind is more open than a field of lilies!

 

Oh and how about this for a possibility.

 

You know how many folks make lists of the qualities they seek in their "perfect" partner? Things in common?

 

Well, I don't know you from Adam, but I have a sneaking suspicion that the girl you fall for, I mean like "knock your socks off" fall for, the girl you will give up all your other options for, will be a woman you have very little, if anything, in common with.

 

I am sure you will disagree but I dunno, that’s usually how it works in my experience.

 

Thank you for the compliment. :)

lol, yeah that's me alright - my mind is more open than a field of lilies!

 

Oh and how about this for a possibility.

 

You know how many folks make lists of the qualities they seek in their "perfect" partner? Things in common?

 

Well, I don't know you from Adam, but I have a sneaking suspicion that the girl you fall for, I mean like "knock your socks off" fall for, the girl you will give up all your other options for, will be a woman you have very little, if anything, in common with.

 

I am sure you will disagree but I dunno, that’s usually how it works in my experience.

 

Thank you for the compliment. :)

Haha, yea I disagree... for example.. I LOVE working out and taking care of my body... a girl that "knocks my socks off" would have to be into the same thing.

Haha, yea I disagree... for example.. I LOVE working out and taking care of my body... a girl that "knocks my socks off" would have to be into the same thing.

 

I see so a woman who loves working out and taking care of her body would "knock your socks off" and ignite passion in you? That certain energy/chemistry generating from your solar plexis that makes her "different" and "special" from the others?

 

LOL, I dunno there are hundreds of women that love working out and taking care of their bodies, are you suggesting that all those women would ignite passion in you?

 

I am really shaking my head at this, because that particular common interest would make for a good friendship but not necessarily a woman you feel a great romantic and sexual passion for imo. There would have to be something "more" don't you think? Something "other" than that particular common interest.

 

I dunno maybe you would, I mean no disrespect but to me it seems rather shallow.

 

Have you ever been in love sixers, like really truly in love? I don't mean a strong physical attraction, I mean love and passion, generating from that place within you that makes her special from all the rest?

 

You don't have to answer if you're uncomfortable, I was just curious cause to me, the reason why you have NO idea what I am talking about is because you never felt it.

 

I could be wrong of course, just what I am sensing from reading your posts.

I see so a woman who loves working out and taking care of her body would "knock your socks off" and ignite passion in you? That certain energy/chemistry generating from your solar plexis that makes her "different" and "special" from the others?

 

LOL, I dunno there are hundreds of women that love working out and taking care of their bodies, are you suggesting that all those women would ignite passion in you?

 

I am really shaking my head at this, because that particular common interest would make for a good friendship but not necessarily a woman you feel a great romantic and sexual passion for imo. There would have to be something "more" don't you think? Something "other" than that particular common interest.

 

I dunno maybe you would, I mean no disrespect but to me it seems rather shallow.

 

Have you ever been in love sixers, like really truly in love? I don't mean a strong physical attraction, I mean love and passion, generating from that place within you that makes her special from all the rest?

 

You don't have to answer if you're uncomfortable, I was just curious cause to me, the reason why you have NO idea what I am talking about is because you never felt it.

 

I could be wrong of course, just what I am sensing from reading your posts.

you definitely misunderstood me Katrina... smh..

you definitely misunderstood me Katrina... smh..

 

I think you misunderstood me too, but again no worries, whatever makes you happy.

It's not as hard as you think. You don't have a problem talking to your friends, right? A relationship is a friendship on fire.

I believe like attracts like....it’s a universal principle... so when I say that a women has to be into fitness like I am, that doesn’t mean that just because she works out she’s going to automatically “knock my socks off”... there has to be more to her than just the physical... we have to have an invisible soul connection.... working out is just ONE quality that I would love my potential partner to have...

I believe like attracts like....it’s a universal principle... so when I say that a women has to be into fitness like I am, that doesn’t mean that just because she works out she’s going to automatically “knock my socks off”... there has to be more to her than just the physical... we have to have an invisible soul connection.... working out is just ONE quality that I would love my potential partner to have...

 

Ah okay, we are understanding each other then. This^ pretty much echoes what I posted as well.

 

I wrote:

>>There would have to be something "more" don't you think? Something "other" than that particular common interest.

So thanks for clarifying.

 

But allow me one more question, if you felt that "soul connection" with your Ms. Right, and you discovered she did not share that common interest, would you dump her?

 

Still had a great body, sexy as hell and of course you had that "soul connection" but just wasn't that into physical fitness quite as obsessively as you (didn't share that common interest).

 

Would that be a deal breaker for you?

 

The reason I ask is because if it would not be a deal breaker, then perhaps those common interests you deem so important, would not matter that much after all, again assuming you had the soul connection (which is very rare imo, doesn't happen all that often).

I’m going on a first date with someone I sort of know already. We hardly have anything in common that I’ve noticed. It’s just a mutual attraction. I’m interested in getting to know him more but I’m on the quiet /awkward side. What are some topics to talk about or things to ask?

 

Thank you.

 

Not religion, sports or politics. Never ask a question that can be answered with a 'yes' or a 'no'.

 

Listening is more important than talking. People that click have an easier time talking to one another. It can't be forced.

 

It's hard to say something stupid if you're listening and not nervously trying to avoid awkward silence.